Frustrated with 2 yr old flighting me on everything...

palma44

I know it is normal for a two year old to test their boundaries, but I am frustrated with how difficult every single thing I try to do for her is lately. I can't get her dressed, give her a meal, brush her teeth, anything with out feeling like she is just fighting me on it. I know this is a normal phase but does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this and make it any easier? I want her to understand that when mommy and daddy are asking her to do something that it is not okay to have a melt down because that is not exactly what she wants to be doing that second.

barnwife

Do you give choices? And I mean lots and lots of choices. 

The soundtrack of my day includes things like:
Do you want to get dressed or brush your teeth first? Do you want the blue cup or yellow cup? Do you want to change your shirt or pants first? Do you want to read Dinosaurs or Biscuit first? Do you want....?

Make anything and everything a choice (be sure you are okay with both options). That helps give them a sense of control. And if LO chooses something that's not an option, say "that's not an option, I guess I get to choose" and do so.

I never plan a vegetable for meals ahead of time these days (or rarely). I wait until it's time to cook and give LOs the choice of 2. 

Also, when we tell LOs to do something and they dilly dally, try to ignore, procrastinate, etc..., our line is "Yes, mommy" or "Yes, daddy" as we move to enforce them following through. We've done this enough now that just saying "yes, mommy" or "yes, daddy" usually gets them moving.

aglenn

Having a consistent, predictable routine helps.  Choices and advance warnings help.  Sometimes, too, it is easier just to follow the routine without talking about it.  For instance, instead of telling DS, "OK, let's wash your hands for dinner now," which can invite a fit, I will just take his hand and lead him to the sink while talking about something else entirely.

ncbelle

Ditto on offering choices and giving time for transitions.

And choices doesn't mean that she gets to decide not to do something - "Do you want to brush your teeth or do you want mama to do it for you?"  Or if she doesn't brush them well " Would you like to use the yellow toothbrush or the blue one?"  "Would you like to brush your teeth on the stool or on the floor" - it's just about giving them some sort of agency and avoiding a power struggle.

sugarbear0524

I agree with offering choices, but my little boy takes it a step further. For example, if I say, "Would you like to wear the blue shirt or the red one?" He will say that he wants the yellow one (which is not weather appropriate or is too small, etc.) Then it's a meltdown because he can't wear the yellow shirt. 

It seems like every time we give him choice A or B, he chooses choice C (which is not a good choice).

a_m_brown

I don't have much advice, but I can definitely sympathize. We give lots of choices, but it's only successful about half the time. The other half of the time, she will choose Option A, we'll give it to her and then she'll immediately freak out and request Option B. So frustrating!