seriously....

veetveet

I was just asked to help plan a baby shower.... for the friend I haven't spoken to since Feb (2 weeks after my loss) because she said some seriously inappropriate things.

Wtf is wrong with people?!!

It has been 3 months .... I'm not interested in pregnancy or babies. Do I really need to spell that out.

So. Effing. Mad.

OSUWifey09

***TICKER***

People can be so freaking insensitive. Apparently, you do need to spell out that you want nothing to do with this baby shower.

The one thing that amazed me the most after losing Devon was that people just expected me to pick myself up off the ground and keep moving like nothing happened. My child died. You can't just bounce back from that in a few weeks. It still makes me angry how insensitive some people were in those early weeks.

I'm so sorry you had to deal with that situation. I hope you gave them a very loud, and very clear, NO. *hugs*

lexusolsen

I'm sorry you have to deal with that. Did the friend herself ask you? I always think it's so odd when people solicit a shower for themselves. Someone asked me to throw her a shower once and I told her I didn't want to spend that kind of money on her... Opps!

LyndseyTS

Ugh. That is ridiculous. I'm so sorry that she even thought of asking you, let alone actually doing it. I echo @OSUWifey09‌. If you're not up for it (which I sure as heck wouldn't be!), tell her no way. That would be like walking into trigger city. ((Hugs)).

Noethola

***Ticker***

Nope, nope, nope. I am so very sorry that it was even brought up to you.

Jellybean71514

Absolutely not.... really? I hope you told her how hurtful that was for you- *hugs* and so sorry that happened to you xo

stefuge

That is ridiculous. I can't believe someone would even ask that!

bunnybun4

crazy.  I would definitely spell it out clearly why you will not be participating.  (HUGS))

veetveet

lexusolsen said:

I'm sorry you have to deal with that. Did the friend herself ask you? I always think it's so odd when people solicit a shower for themselves. Someone asked me to throw her a shower once and I told her I didn't want to spend that kind of money on her... Opps!

Her sister asked me. My response was that I cannot commit to anything right now because I am still having a difficult time. She said she understood - she just didn't want me to feel excluded from our friends that are planning the shower..... her second time around shower. (That's a whole other bone of contention)

lexusolsen

veetveet said:

lexusolsen said:

I'm sorry you have to deal with that. Did the friend herself ask you? I always think it's so odd when people solicit a shower for themselves. Someone asked me to throw her a shower once and I told her I didn't want to spend that kind of money on her... Opps!

Her sister asked me. My response was that I cannot commit to anything right now because I am still having a difficult time. She said she understood - she just didn't want me to feel excluded from our friends that are planning the shower..... her second time around shower. (That's a whole other bone of contention)

If a close group of friends is hosting I can see how they might feel like they can't win. They could potentially hurt your feelings by not asking you or by asking you. Don't feel pressured if it's not something you want to do.

gracie5107

I'm sorry they asked you to do that.  So many people just don't get what we are going through.  I think that generally people don't mean any harm by what they do or say, but that doesn't really make it hurt any less.

kflynn81

That is beyond absurd to ask you to help, shame on them!!  I'm sorry !!

TeamWinForever

Ugh...I'm sorry you had to deal with that. It's so insensitive. I can sort of understand that they wouldn't want you to feel excluded, but still...I agree that you should feel no pressure and hopefully they will be supportive of whatever you decide that you do or do not want to do.

veetveet

lexusolsen said:

veetveet said:

lexusolsen said:

I'm sorry you have to deal with that. Did the friend herself ask you? I always think it's so odd when people solicit a shower for themselves. Someone asked me to throw her a shower once and I told her I didn't want to spend that kind of money on her... Opps!

Her sister asked me. My response was that I cannot commit to anything right now because I am still having a difficult time. She said she understood - she just didn't want me to feel excluded from our friends that are planning the shower..... her second time around shower. (That's a whole other bone of contention)

If a close group of friends is hosting I can see how they might feel like they can't win. They could potentially hurt your feelings by not asking you or by asking you. Don't feel pressured if it's not something you want to do.

I told one of my friends about 4 weeks after my loss that if they plan on having a shower for her- I am not interested in helping or attending. I guess she didn't relay the message. I can see where my friend's sister is coming from- BUT....I haven't been out socially with them since.- or picked up the phone to call. I dont know.... sometimes I think people do shit on purpose.

lexusolsen

@veetveet‌ how insensitive! I'm so sorry. I was trying to give them the benefit of the doubt. I hope I didn't offend you. Hopefully they are more sensitive in the future.

veetveet

lexusolsen said:

@veetveet‌ how insensitive! I'm so sorry. I was trying to give them the benefit of the doubt. I hope I didn't offend you. Hopefully they are more sensitive in the future.

No worries. I am like that too.... try to give the benefit of the doubt. Ugh.... just frustrated.

shandorfml2

(((((hugs))))