Toddler reacting to daddy never home!

kaiyagirl29

My 22 and a half month old son is really acting out, and some of its normal since those terrible twos are soon to be here! But when my husband is home from one of his two jobs, he starts immediately trying to smack him and yells at him. He'll tell him to go away or say "no!" And he doesn't wanna listen. So my hubby starts disciplining himand yelling at him and nothing but chaos begins after my son and I have a quiet day together. And its stressful. Especially with me being 6 and a half months pregnant, I really don't need the extra yelling and stress. My husband should come in the door and the two be happy to see each other and have fun. But its totally opposite. And I have to stay on my husband cause he has a bit of a temper and he doesn't watch his language. My son's at the age where he repeats everything he hears and sees. He's starting to say curse words and its embarrassing when you're in public or around friends or family. I just don't know what to do. Sorry for such a long post!

=Lee=B

Try to explain to your husband that your son is acting out due to love.  He doesn't have the ability to tell his daddy that he misses him and wants him home more.  He likely can't process his emotions.  Your husband needs to come to this understanding and be a bit more forgiving of the poor behavior. 

Maybe have something special planned for when daddy comes in the door to curb the behaviors?  A special treat, snack or movie or something?  Might help distract your son from acting out and allow them to bond in a positive way?

I know it is totally unrelated but I remember years ago when my older brother moved out.  He came back for a visit a few weeks later and my dog outright ignored him.  Like turned his head away every time he passed by my brother refusing to so much as look at him.  My dog was so hurt by my brother's absence!  My brother was devastated.  It didn't take long for them to reconnect but it was hard on both of them at first!!  Your son is kind of doing the same thing.  Telling him to go away because he is upset he was gone and just doesn't have a better way of showing it. 

Maybe start a routine for when daddy comes home?  Dad comes in the door and says --- then sits in this chair and reads this book and says this ----.  Maybe having a routine in order will help your son transition from daddy away to daddy home?

 

ashiscute

=Lee=B said:

Try to explain to your husband that your son is acting out due to love.  He doesn't have the ability to tell his daddy that he misses him and wants him home more.  He likely can't process his emotions.  Your husband needs to come to this understanding and be a bit more forgiving of the poor behavior. 

Maybe have something special planned for when daddy comes in the door to curb the behaviors?  A special treat, snack or movie or something?  Might help distract your son from acting out and allow them to bond in a positive way?

I know it is totally unrelated but I remember years ago when my older brother moved out.  He came back for a visit a few weeks later and my dog outright ignored him.  Like turned his head away every time he passed by my brother refusing to so much as look at him.  My dog was so hurt by my brother's absence!  My brother was devastated.  It didn't take long for them to reconnect but it was hard on both of them at first!!  Your son is kind of doing the same thing.  Telling him to go away because he is upset he was gone and just doesn't have a better way of showing it. 

Maybe start a routine for when daddy comes home?  Dad comes in the door and says --- then sits in this chair and reads this book and says this ----.  Maybe having a routine in order will help your son transition from daddy away to daddy home?

 

This 100%.  Your LO is probably a little hurt that he doesn't see daddy as much as he'd like.  Your DH should respond by giving extra attention and love.  I think a routine for when DH comes home would help definitely.  It would give them both something to look forward to together that your DS could count on.

I think your DH needs to remember he is an adult and your son is a toddler and try to lower his expectations a bit.  Your DH is probably a little hurt that he is getting that reception but remember it's just a phase and get over it.  Good luck.

kaiyagirl29

Thank you for your advice. It brings me to tears when I see my DS acting like this. I know he can't express his feelings with words right now and this is the only way he knows how to communicate. It breaks my heart that he's this upset and that he doesn't have his daddy around much. My DH is already a firefighter who works 24 hour days every other day. And on the days he is supposed to be off from firefighting, he works a part time job. So we barely see him anymore. I have my own little issues withy hubby not being around for me and to help or to just spend time together, but my DS doesn't understand that daddy has to work. Especially since mommy isn't working and there's a baby on the way. That's why I'm taking online classes for medical transcription so I can work from home, bring in the extra money, be here with my kids and not have to put them in an expensive daycare, and then my DH can quit the part time job and be home more!

=Lee=B

As hard as it is for everyone to have a husband/daddy working a lot remember that it isn't about quantity of time together but quality of time together.  If your husband can work on responding patiently and lovingly to your son when he is home your son will grow up happy, knowing his daddy loves him.  As he gets older he will better understand that daddy was away a lot for the benefit of the family.  Help your husband find ways to make his time at home positive and memorable.  It doesn't have to be extravagant just memorable (blanket forts and snuggles for example).

 

kaiyagirl29

Thank you for the response... Its very helpful. And I have talked to my DH about every time he comes home, have a "special time" for the two of them. And make it routine so our DS has something positive to look forward to when daddy comes home. Like a walk, playing cars, reading a book, etc. I hope this all helps. But my DH has to work on that temper of his....yelling and losing it gets no one nowhere! I just don't want my DS thinking this is how you handle things and end up the same way as his dad! Thanks again for the helpful tip!