One & Done: Only child

Medically One & Done/One & Done Not By Choice - Share you story

meo34meo34 member
edited June 2014 in One & Done: Only child

Warning may not be great reading for those soon to deliver or trying to get pregnant.

I know many of us are not one and done and choice and I know many of us had HELLP like me.  So I think it might be nice to share our experience and journey and perhaps help those who have recently come into this category.  So share you experience in terms of the issue, when you found out you were medically oad, how did you feel and how you have moved forward.  Any words of advice for those just starting on this path.  I will go first!


Re: Medically One & Done/One & Done Not By Choice - Share you story

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  • I want to send a big giant hug to all of you guys.
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  • That sounds so terrifying :(
  • Is there a way to make this sticky for newcomers/lurkers who might find it comforting to read and share their own medically OAD stories? I know I have taken comfort in knowing there are others who understand.
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    [Deleted User]JackoftheBox
  • meo34meo34 member
    I am ok with it being a sticky. I think that is a good idea @Myaflowers, and can give new comers a sense of regulars who have gone through this, especially those that are new to the experience.
  • Hugs to all of you ladies, you're all very strong.

     our one and only *

    DS - 2011


    [Deleted User]JackoftheBox
  • @tundrabunny‌ - I was off of my meds for a while and actually felt better off of them than on them. My scans came back looking not great, so back on the meds I went. I'm glad for the meds and what they can do but would love to live a life without them. Oh well. Best of luck staying symptom free (or as symptom-free as possible)!
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  • We just added another element to our medically OAD recently. I'm not physically up to having another baby. To add to that DH just got diagnosed with high functioning Autism at the age of 31. The who time as a kid he was diagnosed as having ADHD. I do believe the ADHD was a misdiagnosis, but of course kids get tested differently in 2015, than they did in the early 90s. Also FIL just told us that he was diagnosed with Bipolar about 10 years ago. Not sure why he was ashamed to let his son in on that little tid bit as he saw DH struggling in the world (as a kid and as a adult). So, mental health is also a factor that I take into consideration. These struggles are hard on the parents and the kids. I know medially OAD weighs hard on us mom in many different ways. Here's to a great 2015, looking forward :)
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  • Well, I developed Cholestasis when I went in for my 37 week check-up.  I told my midwife that my hands and feet had been really itchy (at the insistance of my mom), so they drew some bloodwork.  When the lab work came back, my liver enzymes were off the charts and I was told I needed to be in L&D by 5pm.  I called DH and our moms, packed up, ate, and headed in for induction.  After 2 days, 2 doses of Cervadil, Pitocin cranked all the way up, internal monitoring, a catheter, 4 hours of pushing, and a forceps assisted delivery (with threat of emergency C-section), hemorrhage, and 2 fluid boluses I had my DS.  If I get pregnant again I have a 90% chance of getting Cholestasis again and it'll likely hit sooner with each pregnancy.  DS was born at 38 weeks and had to stay a week in the hospital for IV antibiotics.  I am One and Done by choice and for medical reasons.
    Egg Retrieval - Feb. 2013 -> OHSS.  FET#1 - June 2013(failed). FET#2 - October 2013(success!) Griffin Alistair: 6#10oz 20" long, born 6/19/14 @ 4:04am
  • I am trying to come to terms with the fact that I will only an only child.  In October I had a miscarriage at 14 weeks that was thought to be a molar pregnancy.  After a D/C I had hemorrhaging and needed a transfusion.  I had had a retained placenta with the delivery of my first child which resulted in a D/C and also hemorrhaging and transfusion.  After hearing the results that the miscarriage was not a molar, but they were going to treat it as such due to the nature, I decided to get a second opinion.  That doctor said I would not be a candidate for their practice and referred me to a hematologist as well as a high-risk OB.  My hematology results were normal.  The high-risk OB let me know that, as I had already believed, I had placenta accreta with both of my future pregnancies and should consider myself lucky that I had survived with the amount of blood lost.  She said, technically, I COULD get pregnant, but the risk was extremely high that this would happen again and could go through to my uterus, or, again, I could die.  The risk would be to my child.  At the end of the day I felt it was more important for the child I have to have a mother rather than a sibling.  
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  • So I found out on May 23, my step sons birthday that I'm pregnant. At my last appointment the nurse couldn't find a heartbeat at 12 weeks. Doctor did a pelvic exam and put me at 9 weeks, found the heartbeat low in my pelvis and sent me for a US. The scans showed that I have a fallopian tube that is probably fully blocked. It's huge. Since its no risk on this pregnancy, she wants to wait until after to check for sure. However, she told me that she was very surprised with the state of it, that we didn't end up with an ectopic and highly expects any further pregnancies to be high risk for it. As long as nothing goes poorly with this one, husband and I agreed that it's more important for our child to have a mother rather than sibling. It's hard to celebrate all the good things knowing they won't happen again, and I'm really anxious about the sex reveal because this will be it. Everyone here has had such heart wrenching stories that it's hard to validate my own!
  • meganfauermeganfauer member
    edited August 2015
    @jdveatch I am in the exact same boat as you. 

    I have been through 7 fertility treatments (2 being recent) and i am having a very hard time with this decision. I feel for me that there is absolutely nothing wrong with an only child but it is so hard that this is not my choice, b/c by choice I would have more. Fertility has taken this from me and it is hard. I adore my son and I am so beyond grateful for my "one good egg" and want his to have the best life possible. We did say that we were going to try for another one but only do 1 more round of fertility, well unfortunately we have tried the past two months and each time my cycle has been canceled due to complications. We are trying one last ditch attempt but I do not have much faith and really trying to come to terms with this. I cry anytime I put his clothes away that are too small and I cringe at the thought of giving anything away. I hope that this wound can heal and I will get past the want and yearning. 

    Thank you all for sharing your unbelievable stories.
    ME- 35    DH- 40
    TTC #1 
    IVF#1 w ICSI- 4/20/11 ER, 6 Eggs, 4 Fertilized, 4/25/11 5 day ET, 2 blasts- 5/4- Beta= BFN- No Frosties 

    IVF #2 w ICSI-6/21/11 ER, 4 Eggs, 2 Fertilized, 6/24/11 3 day ET 2 embryos- Beta 7/5/11- BFN- No frosties.
    NEW RE
    IUI #1- started 50ius of follistim 1/25, IUI 2/3/12 - BFN
    AMH-0.73- DOR 2/2012

    IUI #2- 3/17/12 started 200ius of Follistim , 3/24/12 added ganirelix, 225ius Follistim and 75ius of repronex, IUI- 3/30/12, Beta April 13, 2012-BFN

    Appointment with Dr. Schoolcraft at CCRM July 18, 2012
    AMH tested again 1/2013- 1.4!!!!
    IUI #3- 1/14/13 started 200ius of Follistim, 1/20/13 added menopur and ganirelix, IUI 1/25/13. Positive HPT 2/6/13- Beta #1- 193- BFP!!! 2/8/13-Beta#2-426.6
    2/26 ultrasound #1- TWINS!
    Delivered a healthy beautiful baby boy on 10/17/13 10ls. 2 ounces

    TTC #2 
    IUI #4 cancelled due to only one egg responding 
    IUI#5 cancelled on CD 10,  (3) follicules were still very small even on 300 IU's of Follistim. Also found fluid in my uterus from C-section scar
    BFP- 8/9/15 
    Beta #1 8/10/15 13DPO-   9.2 (fingers crossed this sticks)
    Beta #2 8/12/15 15DPO   39- progesterone 18 
    Beta #3 8/14/15    111- progesterone 17.5
    Ultrasound August 31- 

    PAIF or SAIF Welcome


  • I'm really glad this thread exists. I've read through it before but now as I'm getting closer to having my one (and maybe done?) I'm finding even more comfort in it. I deal with bipolar and anxiety and for a good pregnancy I've gone off a few of my meds. The depression and anxiety have been really rough and I'm getting through it with a lot of meditating and mindfulness and a really supportive partner but man it's getting to the point where I've been thinking seriously about if I could ever go through this again. I've always wanted more than one but I'm not sure I want to put myself through this, or another unborn baby. I go through so much guilt thinking about all these bad emotions flooding the baby as well and... And I'm glad this thread exists. I'm so excited for the little person I'm about to meet (less than a month away!) and I want them to feel like enough. I know they will, for years probably, but it's still hard to think I might have to let go of the possibility of a sibling. I love my sister and we're incredibly close and I just hate that I wouldn't be able to offer that to this baby as well. But they'll have cousins and family friends' kids and my partner is an only child who is still in close friendships with people he's known since pre-k. He's well rounded, well socialized and never felt a lack of a sibling. These are the things I remind myself of, I guess. I know my story isn't really that medically dramatic or finalizing, so I'm sorry if maybe this wasn't the best place to share it, but it's been on my mind a lot lately. 
  • So this doesn't *really* count  but we're looking at it this way. 

    My husband was told, due to a physiological issue, he would likely not conceive. We tried and tried and our entire life, definitely our entire sex life, became about trying to make a person. 

    When we finally gave up, we were pregnant the following month. Neither of us believed it and we were desperate for her to stick around. Odds beaten twice and she did. She really is our special girl and we're very proud of her. 

    We have talked about this. We realize that his likelihood of conceiving again is still very, very poor. And sure, we can try. And sure, people can win the lottery twice and we might get another. 

    But it will be at the expense of our marriage. 

    Our sex life became so much about making a baby that sex became a chore for both of us. And something stressful for both of us. And something heartbreaking for both of us. We don't want that to happen ever again. We are working to repair that trauma now.

    So we have decided that we will stop trying now. Once our Little Dragon is born, we will do our best to be the parents of one child and be as grateful for her as she deserves. She is a gift. She is more than enough. She is the world.

    If we beat the odds a second time, that's great. But we're never, ever going to put ourselves through that again. So for now, we consider ourselves to be one and done. 
  • Most likely we're one and done. I had some urinary medical issues after giving birth, I don't want to go through that again. Plus the finances too.
  • My BP was high at about 20 weeks, I'm a type 1 diabetic (since I was 9yrs old - insulin dependent/childhood diabetes) 30 weeks, it was continuously 150/100 and I was monitoring daily and on Methyldopa. By 35 weeks my meds had been increased but when I went in to my weekly NST appt, it was 180/110 and they admitted me to the hospital immediately saying I didn't have the platelets or liver failure but the BP and urine counts were too high for comfort, leaning towards pre-eclampsia. I delivered that day at 4:25pm via emergency c-section. I was terrified, starting throwing up during the surgery since I had eaten that morning and wasn't aware I'd be having the baby that day, had a panic attack on the table since my husband had not yet been brought in and I was very very scared. My sweet girl came out, not crying, even though she had strong activity up until the surgery, and her apgar score was 3. It came up to 7 and they got her to scream, rushed her over to my face while I was throwing up and then rushed her off to the NICU. I woke up 20 hours later in a dark freezing cold room with a nurse over me trying to get blood out. I looked at my arms (which never gave blood easy to begin with), and I had 17 bruises covering my arms from where they took blood every hour over the last day I was unconscious. Turns out, I was immediately put on a magnesium drip after being given a shot of magnesium directly in the arm to try to bring my BP down which didn't work but they were so afraid I was about to have a stroke or heart attack. The IV Mag drip put me unconscious and also makes your skin feel like it's on fire. The worst part was that my baby was in the NICU all that time and I had not even met her yet. My husband, the saint he is, ran back and forth every hour from her to me while my parents mostly stayed with me. They also visited the baby every couple hours as allowed by the NICU. The first time I ever held her she stopped breathing in my arms and doctors came rushing over to resuscitate her. Then she was in the NICU for 3 weeks with breathing issues and it was just terrible to leave her there over night, not knowing what could happen. We stayed at Ronald McDonald house (god bless them!) because we lived an hour from the hospital and couldn't bear to be that far away from her. We stayed in the NICU from 7:30am until 11:30pm every single day until she was finally released. We were so traumatized by the whole experience...we have been scared out of a second child at this point. Doctors told me I could still have another baby though, I guess because I didn't have full blown HELLP and to this day still haven't confirmed if I had pre-e or just high BP and protein in urine (which I had before getting pregnant). It took me 9 months to get my BP down and when I got pregnant my kidneys were at almost 100% function and today they function at 64%. We love our sweet girl and are feeling very fulfilled by her these days. She is 9mo and is starting to be a independent so I fear in a year or two I might really want another but what we experienced is really stopping us. They weren't sure I or the baby would get through - I mean they wouldn't even tell us she was okay until 4 days before she was let out of the NICU. Ahhh, I am tense just writing that whole thing! Glad there are other women here to confer with. When I tell my girlfriends that story, they kind of just are like wow that's a lot to go through - do you want another? Well duh, yes, but do I want another 4 weeks of torture worrying if my baby will make it or if she will grow up without a mother? Eh, I think not. It seems like unless you went through something similar, you can't really understand how emotional and upsetting it is.
  • I'm amazed this was the first post that came up for me as I haven't posted before and I have been thinking a lot about this lately.  I'm not 100% medically out of option but getting there quickly.
    I have an incompetent cervix and spent 15 weeks on complete bed rest with 3 of those weeks in hospital. I was able to make it to 34 weeks which was fantastic. I had complications with after-birth. The placenta didn't disconnect and start to hemorrhage so the OB had to attempt manual removal of the placenta. OB wasn't able to remove all of it so I had to have a D&C a few weeks later. During the D&C my uterus tore and they had to repair it.
    After a year of trying to conceive baby 2 we went to fertility center and completed the testing. We discovered that the trauma for my first delivery left my uterus with severe scarring or Ashermann's Syndrome. I had surgery in March to try to remove the scarring but still only left with some good tissue for an egg to implant.  IVF isn't really an option since its implantation issue.

    I've tried to read through most of the stories but was curious if people considered adoption and their thoughts.
  • charmedlifex3charmedlifex3 member
    edited October 2016
    Even before my darling boy arrived, we knew we might be one and done. My husband and I had hoped to be able to have at least two, maybe three. We bought a four bedroom house before any of these issues happened. 
    And it looks like we are one and done. 
    We were able to get pregnant easily. The second month trying, those two pink lines popped up. Here we go!
    I suffered from debilitating morning sickness, and a recurrence of a disease called trigenminal nueralgia. All of the medications to treat the disease are dangerous for baby, and the pain is worse than childbirth. There is no cure. The pain was so bad, I tore out a muscle in my abdominal wall vomiting from it. 
    Finally at 20 weeks, with most of his major systems in place, we were able to find a drug where the benefits out weighed the risks. 
    Over the final twenty weeks, my body went into collapse from the pregnancy. I was severely anemic. My heart started having issues and I was referred to a cardiologist, who said my body was "just bad at being pregnant." - I was placed on modified bedrest to prevent permanent heart damage. I had a severe recurring kidney infection, with contractions, and had preterm labor stopped medically at 32 weeks. Finally at 37 weeks my body went into prodromal labor. My bile salts started to rise, a leading cause of still births, and my liver was showing signs of stress. By the time I was admitted for induction I was exhausted, and the doctors didn't know why one system after another was shutting down on me. 
    After 12 hours of active labor following a successful induction, I ended up with an emergency C section when my son shifted sideways when he began to crown. During the C section my vitals crashed several times, while my husband was still in the room. They did not show me my baby in the OR.  About the time I lost awareness, the doctor pushed my husband (holding our newborn) out into the hall, and he saw a support team from the main hospital rush into the OR. I don't know what happened at that point, I woke up in the recovery room with my baby already on my chest. I did not see him, but I got to hold him. I didn't get to see my baby until the morning after he was born.  Following the C section, I had a major infection requiring imaged guided surgery and a week of IV antibiotics in the hospital. A smaller secondary infection was treated out patient. I needed a blood transfusion. 
    Finally at 10 weeks postpartum I am finally allowed to return to something resembling normal. I can drive as of the week before last, I'm allowed to lift as long as I don't strain.
    I don't know what damage the post op infection did to me physically, but the doctors are in agreement having another child would be extremely dangerous. Between the severe kidney infections, the heart issues, the liver problems, and the issues with delivery.... It's more important my son has a mother than a sibling. 
    Another pregnancy could go completely smoothly, and a part of me wants to try again to capture some of that joy I missed out on. I had visions of prenatal yoga, hanging out at the beach with my bump. Instead we spent more time in the hospital than anywhere else. 
    My son is a fighter, and he came through all this and is perfect. I'm trying to just enjoy being a one and done mommy.

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