NWMR: 4 year old's fear of death

fitmom82

DD was 4 in March and for the past few months she talks about dying often.  It's not that she's curious about it, it's that she's afraid of getting old and dying.  My 1 grandmother died when she was 6 months, the other when she was 2 1/2, that's the only person experience she has with death.  She's talked about wanting to be a baby again, staying 4 forever, she doesn't want to get old, she doesn't want to die.  Last night she asked me why does it take so long to die.  It's really depressing and I feel bad it bothers her so much.  Any experience dealing with this?

AZ123

My 4 year old was really into that at that age. It went away after about a year. They are just trying to understand the world around them so I suggest you keep answering the questions and keep telling her that it will be a very very long time before she gets old. Then, ask her if she has any more questions for you each time.

bunny731

Ds1 is like this---he is hugely interested in life cycles, birth, death, marriage. G-d-the big stuff. He is a planner so he probably already scheduling some of this stuff. But aside from the constant probing questions, he plays hard and is very happy. I feel that if your child is showing signs of depression, not socializing, is showing levels of anxiety in her everyday then it is time to seek outside help. If not, then age appropriate and honest answers will likely be enough until the next question.

Sharon&Paul

My DD was the same at age 4. We sent her to a Catholic preschool where they discussed the death of Jesus and heaven. I always thought her questions came from discussions at school. She really did not experience anyone's death at that age. We used our faith to answer the questions. Now a year later she is onto different topics.

snicksnack

My advice is to be careful with how you handle the questions and don't make it seem bad.  I was very much like her when I was little I would say mom I may not be here tomorrow because I could die and I would ask questions.  My mother yelled at me and told me to stop being morbid, she would say my questions are depressing stop talking about it.  Now at 35 I have a very unhealthy fear of death and still have a ton of questions I am debating on seeing someone over it.  I shy back from talking to anyone about it because of the reactions I experienced as a child and I envy those who have blind faith in the afterlife.  so just something to think about. 

mae0111

DD1 is 4.5, and she's asking similar questions.  She asks me about my Nanas and my Papa, where are they, why can't we visit them.  She passed away years before she was born (at ages 85, 95, and 85), so she doesn't have direct experience with anyone dying.  But she asks why we can't see them, did I love them, where are they.  

I talk about what I believe - that they're in heaven, and that they watch over us.  That they love us, and I love them still.  That they went to heaven because it was time for them - they were all very old and sick, and that God decided that it was time for them to go and live with him.  

It seems to satisfy her curiosity.  I try to make her feel like this is not something she needs to worry about.  That it won't happen for a long time, and that really, it's not so bad if it does.  I don't believe THAT part, but I'm hoping that these answers will keep her from being afraid of something that's so out of her control.