Intro

JellicalParker

Hello there, I've been lurking around for a few days now. Trying to get a feel for all of you wonderful ladies. Let me introduce myself. 

I am currently dealing with a natural miscarriage. My DH and I got our first BFP together on 4/14 after having tried for several months to conceive. We were ecstatic and enthusiastic and ready to change our lives for this new adventure. My DH and I have both experienced MCs in previous relationships and were hopeful but concerned that it may be too good to be true. On 5/4 I noticed blood went I wiped, it was pink, but as the day went on it got darker and heavier. So we went to the ER where they did an US, BW, and urine tests among other invasive tests and exams. They were nice but I don't feel like they were as honest as they should have been or as clear about their points. I was discharged with instructions to contact my CNM and no real information other than having my pregnancy confirmed. My DH says he understood their points about things that to me were very unclear, I have accused him of reading people and not listening to their words, maybe I should let him continue on. We did more BW on 5/7 and the results of that were that my levels had dropped significantly. All of that info was released to me over a simple phone call, no consultation of what to expect or how I was feeling physically or emotionally. 

Today was not as hard as it has been in the past, at least not until one of my customers told me point blank, 'I know you're a mother... Happy Mother's Day." I wanted to punch her as my eyes flooded with tears. She kept pushing it on me and I very quickly informed her that I am not, but she insisted she knew I was. After one of my managers dismissed me to pull myself together, she finally apologized. 

My DH has been frustrated when I cry and mad at me when I'm not all together in this realm. I'm struggling more with finding my balance. There are times when it doesn't affect me at all and its not in the forefront of my mind, and then there are moments when I can't regain control of anything and I feel completely lost in this world. Our furry babies have noticed a huge difference, but then again, they were very aware of the tiny one that was growing inside me. I am lucky to have them taking care of me and snuggling me when I cry. 

I have to call my CNM again tomorrow to let them know how I am and make sure that I don't need to have to take the pill or have a D&C, although from the things I've seen I'm pretty sure all has cleared itself out.

I always tell people that everyday is a new adventure and that is the perspective I am trying to give myself. It's a new adventure, not necessarily the adventure I want, but we do not choose every task and obstacle in our paths.

I am excited to not only get to know all of you, but to be supportive of you and to gain your support as well. 

tlc35

I'm sorry for your loss, and the roller coaster of emotions is totally normal.

Julz81

I am so sorry for your loss...

meredithcarole

I am very sorry for your loss. It is hard to deal with the emotional roller coaster that comes afterward. There will be moments you are fine and there will be moments you are far from it. Allow yourself to grieve and let others who need to know that they need to allow it, too. And definitely follow up with your provider. Your body will probably do what it needs to do, but they should give you all your options and the additional medical info you need (like don't use a tampon, have intercourse, or take a bath for the next 2 weeks - there is a rick of infection).

MrsKush1014

I'm so sorry for your loss.  

nohalo21

I'm sorry for your loss. This whole experience is nothing but an emotional roller coaster. As a woman, there is more of an attachment. Men don't fully comprehend the loss like we do. I found that I have had to tell my husband how I am feeling. Sending hugs your way.

stephy1221

I am so sorry for your loss.

biojess

My dogs were a huge comfort as well. It's amazing how much they know and can do for us.

JellicalParker

Thank you all so very much. 

@meredithcarole thank you for telling me that. I definitely did not know that I should wait two weeks for sex and I had no idea that I shouldn't take a bath either... Thanks for the head's up. 

@HMR11913 I'm sorry. It is always hard to guess with folks when you're serving them on such holidays. It took me many years of heartbreak myself to stop saying such things my customers. I hope your night got easier! 

tlboatner

I am very sorry for your loss. I had a natural miscarriage one week ago today.my advice to you is take the time to heal. I didn't want to see anyone or go out in public for several days. So, if your work/life schedule allows, give yourself time..time to just be at home, sleep, relax, and grieve. I went back to work today and all was good. I have quit bleeding so that is helping me too. T&P are with you during this difficult time.