Stay at Home Moms

Advice please!

Hi! I'm a FTM, and my daughter was born on March 11th. I'm a teacher, and am taking the rest of the school year off. I'm also taking the next school year off without pay. I'm really struggling about the whole work thing. My dream is to stay at home and raise my daughter. I know how fast time goes and how precious it is, and I don't want to regret missing that time with her. My husband makes enough that I don't need to work. My parents think I'm making the wrong decision by quitting my job and giving up my retirement. My mom would watch her if I went back to work. I guess my question to you wonderful ladies is how did you handle the whole retirement future thing? To me, there isn't a job that's more important than being a mother. I would truly appreciate any advice. Sorry so long, but thanks so much for listening!!!

Re: Advice please!

  • To me, sah has always been a dream of mine. I've always wanted to be at home with my baby (/future babies), so to me it's important to set aside that time to stay with them. Honestly, you don't take your money with you when you die. Yes, it is obviously important and we need it, but I don't ever want to look back on this time and regret NOT taking some time off. This is time I'll never get back with her, and I know if I was working I'd regret it. You can always go back the year after this year, or even substitute throughout the year if your mom is willing to watch her for you.

    TL;DR version- If you are worried you will regret it, then stay home with her.
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  • I originally planned to just take two years off and go back when my unpaid childcare leave expired, but now with three little ones it doesn't make financial sense for me to go back yet.  My plan is to go back to work once the twins are in school, so while my retirement will have taken a hit from being out a few years, it's temporary and I will make up for it later on.  For now, I'd just take the time off that you've planned and make your decision further down the line - you may find as your daughter gets older that you actually WANT to go back sooner, or your choice to stay home longer may become much clearer.

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  • Could you tutor and put the money into retirement? It wouldn't be much, but at least it would be something. I am a nurse and I work one day a week to keep my skills up and I also contribute a good portion of that money to retirement. My H also maxes out retirement contributions.
  • Your dd is so new. Wait and see how you like SAH. I SAH for a year because I got laid off (also a teacher). In the beginning I thought it was just what I wanted but I realized it wasn't for me. Even though we had enough money to pay bills we weren't saving enough and we didn't have enough money to do everything I wanted while at home. I find summer to be the perfect balance for me. I have enough money to take classes with dd and do fun things but still get a good chunk of time with her.
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  • Are you quitting, or just taking a leave of absence? If you are just taking a leave of absence, it is too early to worry about it. You will spend your time counting down until you have to go back to work, and driving yourself nuts. You have almost a year and a half before any decisions need to be made. Enjoy your time and you may decide SAH is not for you. I have several friends who were certain they would want to SAH. They went stir crazy and didn't like the limitations on their budget.

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  • Also, do you get a pension? Can you buy years? You do not have to work consecutive years to get that pension. If you buy years, you can still retire at a reasonable age with a full pension if you only take a few years off. As for contributing to retirement, can you find a way to contribute something? As a pp said, some people are ok with forgoing a few years of contribution, while others are not. It partly depends on how much preparation you have already done. As I said before, though, don't make decisions yet...especially with a snuggly newborn in your arms!

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  • ariel06ariel06 member
    Enjoy your leave until you have to make a more permanent decision.  And being a SAHM changes significantly over the first two years.  
    Working doesn't have to be an all or nothing.  Could you take a part time position and/or job share?  
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  • I have been in a similar position. After DS2 was born, I took a leave of absence from my teaching job. I loved it and very badly did not want to go back to teaching the next year. I was given a second year leave of absence. I thought it would make me so happy, but circumstances change. My H started working even longer hours (not to make more $ because I was SAH, his role in the company was just changing) and he started traveling for work. I started to resent being at home on many days. We had enough money to live on, but there are many "extras" I'd like to have money for. I've made the decision to go back to work next school year. In my case, the fact that they held a job for me was also a huge factor in going back. It's a bittersweet decision in many ways, but it is what is best for us right now.

    My point? You've been a SAHM for 2 months. Give it some time before you make a decision. You could love it, or things could happen that change your views about being a working mom.
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  • Thanks so much for all of your input. To clarify, I will be taking an unpaid LOA for the 2014-2015 school year. I am guaranteed my job when I return. I'm 36, and this is my 14th year teaching, but only my 5th contract year in a public school. I taught in a private school before. So, I would have to teach 25 more years for my state retirement. When I think of it like that, it seems like I would have been teaching forever!!! I don't have any debt, and we have always lived off of DH's income comfortably. I know that I have a year to think things through, but I just was curious as how all of you wonderful ladies handle finances and retitement. Thanks so much for all of your input!!!
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