Today has been rough

stefuge

So, today has been a really rough day and I suppose I could use some virtual hugs.

A week or so ago I had mentioned on here about ordering a weighted heart from www.ahearttohold.com and I was so excited for it to come and them it arrived today and I was so excited when the package came and opening it up and then I was completely overwhelmed holding it. It just really hit me.

And then, My Mother's Day gift also arrived in the mail today - a book MH had made of my blog posts and photos from Colton's pregnancy, birth, and the months since and I couldn't even open it up and look at it. Just seeing the package and knowing what was inside was too hard.

I was so looking forward to receiving both of these gifts, and now, with both arriving on the same day, it was very hard, and I am just so down.

I love all the little things we have to remember Colton, and I cherish all of them, but I just keep feeling how all of these little things don't add up to even a fraction of what I want. My baby boy. Back in my arms. Where he belongs.

ETA: thank you for making it through all of that and letting me get it out.

MCH77

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Huge ((hugs)). I wish I had more to offer. All of this is just so unfair. I'm sure in time both gifts will bring you comfort, just put them away until you are ready.

Bgirma

I'm so sorry. This is all so very difficult. Sending ((hugs)).

VyD81

Hugs

bunnybun4

((huge hugs))

Jellybean71514

*Hugs* and positive thoughts there will be better days ahead I understand it's so tough but we are here listening xo

princezjk

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(((((HUGE HUGS)))))   I had a similar reaction when I received our Molly Bear.  And when my mother gave me some memorial photos from Carley Marie, I couldn't look at them for about 3 months.  And then it was slow process.  I feel like no matter what we do to remember our children, it will never feel right.  Simply because it wasn't right that they died.  Sending you more (((hugs)))

Noethola

princezjk said:

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(((((HUGE HUGS)))))   I had a similar reaction when I received our Molly Bear.  And when my mother gave me some memorial photos from Carley Marie, I couldn't look at them for about 3 months.  And then it was slow process.  I feel like no matter what we do to remember our children, it will never feel right.  Simply because it wasn't right that they died.  Sending you more (((hugs)))

Completely agree. ((hugs)) to you today.

mingaling2

Huge huge hugs

lexusolsen

I'm so sorry you are having a tough day. Hugs.

jonahsma

((Hugs))

MrsLaurenandDan

I am so sorry that you are having a rough day.  Memorial items are wonderful, but they can stir up our emotions.  

OSUWifey09

***TICKER***

I felt that way when I received my Molly Bear, too. When I saw the box sitting at my door step, I felt like passing out from the grief and the weight of what that bear meant in my life. I sat on my kitchen floor and ugly cried for almost 30 minutes; it took me a week to actually open the box and take the bear out.

I agree with princezjk that no matter what we do to remember our babies, it will never feel right because we should be honoring our living, breathing children - not our sweet angels who were taken away from us entirely too soon. I'm so sorry you had a rough day. Sending lots of thoughts and hugs.

stefuge

Thank you ladies for all the hugs and kind words. Today has continued to be tough and emotional. I think mothers day is hitting me harder than I expected.

nohalo21

Just want to say I'm thinking of you. It's hard when those emotions come to surface. Unfortunately, we can all relate though. Sending hugs your way!

shandorfml2

Lots of lots of hugs sweetie

kz's_girlygirl

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I'm late to reply, but just wanted to chime in and offer hugs and support.  Like so many others have said, nothing is enough when we should have a smiling baby instead. 

My mom sent me a mother's day card from Carly Marie's line, but signed it from Jesse.  I had to throw it away.  I felt bad doing so b/c I know her heart was in the right place, but it immediately made me feel really defensive for some reason. 

I hope the memorial items bring you comfort in the weeks ahead, and that you know I'm thinking of you and your handsome boy Colton with love. 

Maybe Joleisa

((Big hugs)) I hope this week has been a little gentler on you.

schulme2

Oh @stefuge‌ sending big hugs to you! I made a weighted monkey that is Mary's exact size and as much as I never ever want to put it down, it is so hard because it's not her. I'm so sorry but eventually you will be glad you have both of these wonderful keepsakes!