Bedsharing Question — The Bump
Attachment Parenting

Bedsharing Question

I'm bedsharing with my four month old currently but i really want to transition him to the cosleeper andeventually the crib. I have a couple questions. First off, I had a mattress topper on my bed but removed it when we started bedsharing. I've started having a lot of back pain which I think is due to my sleeping on my side all night (too paranoid to be in any other position), no mattress topper and the fact that LO naps on me during the day. Obviously, I have some work to do to stop the nap problem. Does anyone have advice for me regarding the mattress topper? Is it ok to use? Do you guys sleep on your backs/tummies too? Any advice regarding my nap problem is welcome too. Sorry I wrote a book! TIA and thanks if you read all this!

Re: Bedsharing Question

  • Post-partum back pain can come from many sources. You are using/strengthening muscles needed to carry baby, wear baby, hold baby to nurse, etc. All of this is happening while your body is changing and shrinking down from pregnancy size, having hormone changes, etc. The thing to assess may be if this is normal, strength-building discomfort or something else.

    I don't have much to say on the transition thing except that the napping on you and bedsharing isn't a problem unless you think it is. (I can't quite tell if the back pain is the source of your concern that this is a problem or if there are other factors.) When it works for parents and baby, I'm a hug fan of enjoying the cuddles while they last, especially with a 4 month old who  is likely to start having a (normal development) harder time sleeping soon.

    If your mattress topper is plush and would render the sleeping surface as anything other than firm, it would not be appropriate to add back in while baby is in bed. You could, however have a separate sleeping surface for baby on the floor (like another mattress) and creep away once baby is asleep to go to your own bed.

    I sleep on my side in the cuddle-curl or on my back.

  • champhechamphe member
    Thank you for your input! It was helpful!
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  • I would wait until the baby is older and/or no longer in bed with you to put a plush topper back on. It really depends on just how plush it is, so you'll have to make that call.

    Like PP said, your bed and nap situation are only problems if you see them as such. DS slept on me in some form or fashion for all naps until he was 6 months old, at which point I was able to begin sneaking away after he'd fallen asleep for naps *most* of the time. Now he still insists on sleeping on me at night if he's really sick. So,I think if it's working for y'all, then let it work :)

    I have slept on my side in a cuddle-curl with DS for most of his life. Occasionally I can sleep in a slightly different position during some of his stretches of sleep at night these days, but that's a fairly recent development. Maybe try putting a pillow between your knees to your ankles to help alleviate some of the stress on your spine. That works for me some nights.


  • champhechamphe member
    Thanks to everyone that replied. The topper is memory foam. It's semi-firm, I would say. It's probably still not safe, which was my original feeling.

    I would happily continue bedsharing, but my H is not really content with the arrangement.

    Thanks for the nap advice. I do feel he's not ready to be separated and that's why he fights being put down alone. I think I let other people's opinions affect me too much. I need to learn to trust my own instincts more.
  • I have a small down pillow that I wedge behind my back which makes it more comfortable to sleep on my side all night. Once baby is bigger you'll feel more comfortable sleeping in different positions.

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