Intro (warning: losses mentioned)

carballa85

To start, I am very lucky to have 2 amazing kids already from a previous marriage. My son is 10, and my daughter is 7. So to now be labeled as "infertile" has been something very difficult for me to deal with. After I had my daughter, I decided on the Mirena for birth control as advised to me by the doctor at the clinic I went to. Right before it was time to replace it, I decided to just have it removed. I was in a new relationship and wanted to get my body adjusted back on track for trying for a baby. 7 months later I wake up one morning thinking "good grief my boobs are killing me", and the light bulb went on. Unfortunately, at 14 weeks in utero my sweet Love Bug passed away from a cord accident. It got all entwined within itself and eventually got too tight and cut off all supply to her. We were devastated. It has been a year now, and I'm still devastated. 3 months later, I felt off again. Another positive, but it just didn't feel right. Woman's intuition I guess. This time, an ectopic. Worst pain of my life. Luckily, we caught it soon enough and only needed to get the shot, no surgery. After this, my Dr decided to do an HSG... both my tubes were blocked. Weren't surprised with the right one as this is where the ectopic was, but my left one was a surprise. So in January of this year I had a lap and hysto done. Outcome was successful, but my Dr has been very realistic making sure I know that my tubes can close back up again. My Dr also believes that my tubal infertility is the result of the mirena causing PID. Since, I have no other issues and was able to conceive previously.

We tried our first round of IUI with Clomid 100mg last cycle, and unfortunately it was negative. So I did another round of 100mg of Clomid, and today had my u/s done to check my follicles and they stated that they looked great (better than last time). They administered a HCG shot this time (so thankful I didn't have to do it) and I go in this Saturday for my IUI. We have already decided that if it doesn't work again we are moving to IVF and have begun all the paperwork and already had our phone appointment.

I should add that my husband has great mobility, 90% and when they did the analysis my dr was very pleased with all of my husbands results. Which, this doesn't help with my feeling that it's all my fault and I'm a complete disappointment. I understand that when one partner is infertile, both partners are infertile but down deep it doesn't change how the actual infertile partner feels.

I'm praying for a miracle. Thanks for reading. :-)

SassFrass

welcome to the board, hope you do not have to stay long!

Frenchteachermama

Welcome.  Your story is similar to mine.  2 completely uneventful pregnancies at 30 and 33 and then I had mirena and then 2 miscarriages over the past year.  From seeing an RE we discovered that my AMH is super low (.20) so it's going to be hard to conceive again on my own.  I just finished my first round of IUI with femara and was unsuccessful.  We're going to try one more round of IUI and then move to IVF ourselves this summer. 

I'm really struggling too.

Bananappeal145

Welcome to the board. I'm so sorry for your losses. This is a great group.

GraceyandTroy

I'm so sorry for your losses.  Welcome to the group.  I completely relate to your comments about feeling responsible for the IF.  My husband had really good results, too.  It was a relief to know it's once less issue to deal with, but at the same time it puts the burden on me.  I hope your husband doesn't contribute to that feeling (mine doesn't, he's really supportive).  

Good luck this weekend!

branders74

Welcome to the board.  All of these ladies are great and can answer so many questions for you.  

Bananappeal145

carballa85GraceyandTroy

"Which, this doesn't help with my feeling that it's all my fault and I'm a complete disappointment. I understand that when one partner is infertile, both partners are infertile but down deep it doesn't change how the actual infertile partner feels."

I'm sorry. I was sitting in my car earlier so I just sort of skimmed this post. I think most of us with female factor IF know how you feel. I was just trying to explain this to my husband last night. Thankfully, he didn't really seem to understand. Him not blaming me does not make me feel any less broken though. So Hugs to you and to everyone else who ever feels this way. It's a crappy crappy feeling. We should all try to know deep down that it is not our "fault."  It just is what it is.

lawmom747

I am sorry for your losses.  Welcome to the board and I hope your stay here is short.