DS1 hitting DD2

SparkySharky

DS is 17 mos and dd is 9 wks. In the beginning he was good to her 80-90% of the time. Since my parents have left, it's rapidly deteriorated and now I have to just keep them separated all the time. There's a lot of just plain clumsiness on his part, but he frequently will try to hit her as hard as he can and god forbid he get near her with an object in his hand.

Is this normal behavior? Weve been putting him in a timeout when he does it, but it doesnt have much effect. Now I feel like I just have to keep them apart which is difficult. I also have a hard time w her wanting to be held constantly and not sleeping more than 20 minutes. And he is always getting in trouble while I'm nursing her. As a result there is never a moment where she's not crying or he's not getting in trouble. I try to get them out every afternoon just bc I can keep him in the stroller and she falls asleep in the carrier. But long walks aren't as enjoyable as you'd think when I haven't slept, eaten, or showered. Is this how life is going to be for the next 2 years?

Any suggestions?

vettymama

No suggestions but I'm in the same boat. I feel like I'm failing at everything. If DS2 is happy, DS1 is crying and vice versa. Plus I have two little dogs that are bored to tears and are tired of having to hold their potty for hours on end. It has to get better, I'm just not sure when.

desertmouse39

OMG, I am feeling the exact same, too!  DD#1 doesn't exactly hit her sister but she pinches, squeezes and is otherwise too rough.  It often seems intentional.  Yesterday was such a hard day fo me with both kids home, dd#1 was just off the chain and dd#2 was extra fussy, probably from all the chaos around her.  DD#1 just can't stand any time or attention that is not focused on her... she acts out or misbehaves almost ever time i sit down to feed LO or pump.  Waiting for it to get better and hoping i don't lose my mind before then.   X_X

jf198400

It is normal behavior, mostly jealousy. If you know you are going to be tied up with baby for awhile nursing, you can try Giving him a special toy or something so he doesn't feel neglected. I would also try to get out of the house somewhere where your son can get activity- not just sit in a stroller. Go to the playground, library storytime, playgroup, etc. you can keep baby in the stroller or carrier while your DS gets to run and play. This will help keep things normal for him, and not make him feel like he just stays in the house all day watching mommy feed the baby.

vettymama

Yes, definitely get out of the house. DS1 is so much happier for the rest of the day when we get out in the morning.

ashiscute

It sounds normal to me.  17 mos is still so young that the hitting isn't because he's trying to hurt.  There's a lot going on that he isn't understanding so he is trying to figure out how to behave now.  I would keep up the timeouts and just be consistent with them.  DS is almost 20 mos but we started timeouts around 17 mos for hitting.  It took a bit but he definitely gets it now.  

I agree trying to get him engaged with a favorite toy or activity while you nurse.  When DS was little I'd let DD watch a show or two each day and then try to rotate her other toys as much as possible.  It was helpful giving her a baby doll to play with and take care of too.  Would your DS be interested in that?  

Story time at a library is a great way to get out if you can.  When mine were that age we did the zoo a decent amount because DS would sleep in the carrier and DD would stay in the stroller when she needed but get out when she could.  I promise it does get better but it feels like it won't.  Eventually you will get through it and have a hard time remembering this.  

Jazibel

@sparkysharky - thanks for posting this question because I'm having the same experience. My son is almost 22 months old and DS2 will be 10 days old tomorrow.  I'm at my wits end and feel so frustrated and sad that DS1 will sometimes grab at his little brother, pinch, or just be too rough. He's loving and sweet 90% of the time, but I still can't turn my eyes away from DS2 even for a minute, much less put him down. I have no idea what is going to happen when I'm flying solo in a week!! Ugh.

I will definitely try to schedule lots of outings for DS1, and we did get him a special toy - but maybe I can come up with something that we do just during nursing sessions (which seem to be a big trigger). 

Starfish+77

No advice but I'm floating in the same shitty boat as you. DD 17 mos and DS is 6 wks and she threw a book at his head the other day and was trying to punch him earlier. Additionally she treats me like I'm a monster and cries bloody murder when DH isn't within sight. Oh and let me add the latest fun development- she is waking screaming middle of night. I never imagined it would be this difficult. Sorry for the vent but I can only hope things will get easier for us both very soon!

Karen1024

The Jealousy is normal. I have several friends going through the same thing. I agree that getting our older daughter out of the house in the morning and to the playground/mall play area etc really helps the rest of the day.  Maybe you can plan some dates with your oldest and have someone else watch the baby? Our daughter has a doll and used to feed her etc when I would feed the baby too... so that helped.  Also now she has learned that she can be "mommy's helper" and will try to hold the bottle with me, or go get a blanket for me. You can tell she really likes the role when she's not trying to scratch him in the face! DD is 18 months and DS is 4 months.

Karen1024

PS is there anyone helping you?  I hope so! We were never meant to mommy alone!