idea for joint custody schedules??

lvnlife3184

Can anybody here give me examples of their joint custody schedules.

currently my DH gets good quality time with his 2 children (decree states at least 1 overnight through weekdays and every other weekend) but it revolves around his ex's work schedule. she's a nurse and she makes her own schedule. the 1 upside is she works 2 weekdays a week plus every other weekend so he gets his kids 2 overnights during the week normally unless she takes days off. the downside is, there is no rhyme or reason to her schedule and we end up waiting to get her work days in an email 2 weeks before the next start of every schedule. we can't plan activities for ourselves with his kids, the children (ages 8 and 6)are frustrated and mom even admitted this to us as if WE could do something about it. they show us the frustration also. sometimes we have them for 1 day and they go back to their mom, then back to us after 2 days and back to her after another 2 days but the next week they'll be with us for 3 days and her for 4....and it'll switch again every week. its very chaotic at times and its very difficult for my stepchildren because they never know where they will be and even when we keep calendars for them, they can't figure out why it is the way it is.

DH has tried contacting his ex 3 times in the past 2 years through emails concerning this with examples of real custody schedules they could try with the kids and she leads him on for a month or so every time saying she's thinking about it and then just tells him no she won't change anything. he has tried compromising with different types of schedules and still no luck. anyway...he is a police officer but currently works mon-fri....at the beginning of the new year he will be back on a 12 hour rotating shift (midnights) which is different days every other week but the same days every two weeks. we know his schedule for the whole year. he really would like to try a 7 days with mom and 7 days with dad schedule but she refuses. he offered her with the 7 days at a time, the other parent can pick a weeknight for dinner with the children so they aren't going the whole week without seeing them, but she still said no. he offered another schedule that works around his upcoming schedule AND her schedule if she would pick the same days to work on a normal basis but she said no again.

does anybody have any other examples of what could work so he could have more options? He may end up in mediation or court...I am encouraging him to email his ex again and try something else. if she refuses, then so be it and all he can say is he tried and its the other party who is unwilling to compromise for the childrens sake. unfortunately we don't feel she is putting the kids feelings first...

 

freeatlast2014

I recently went to court (very different circumstances) but had a completely sporadic schedule and the hearing officer hated it as did they judge and they assigned Dad every other weekend and dinner 2 nights per week. That is a very limited schedule, but they certainly had their own ideas on what is better for children (structure and predictability being of the utmost importance). I right away made a calendar and started to teach my 3 year old how to read it. Now if I can only get dad to show up when he's supposed to, we'd be in great shape!

There are also parenting coaches who work with parents to come up with a parenting time schedule that will work best for children. Maybe she would be open to speaking to someone? It's not fair to the kids.

new+tothis

You could also offer a 5-2-2-5 schedule or 3-4-4-3. 

5-2-2-5 would be something like every Monday and Tuesday with mom, every Wednesday and Thursday with dad, then alternating Fridays through Sundays.

3-4-4-3 would be like Sunday through Tuesday with mom, Wednesday through Friday with dad, and alternating Saturdays.

I'm a fan of 5-2-2-5 or 7-7 personally.

ambrvan

JMPrice said:

Unfortunately it sounds like she's using the arrangement to avoid childcare while she's at work. Which is great from her perspective but terrible for the kids and for you. There's no incentive for her to change the arrangement even though it's in the kids best interest and one would think that's enough.

I agree with the previous post, file for 7-7 and go to mediation.

That's exactly what I got out if the whole thing. 5-2-2-5 or 7-7 sound like good options. We did 7-7 with SD before we had full custody (until she was 3), and having so much time was great but it was such a long time in between. On the other hand, it was so easy to plan for child care that way. If DH and I weren't together, I would probably want to look at the 5-2-2-5 myself.

lvnlife3184

yes it is exactly to avoid childcare on her time. i'm glad you guys see this and i'm not just being a crazy stepparent. she doesn't think dads time is important, she looks at him like her glorified babysitter when she works, and it is literally her world....we all just live in it. such a cheesy saying but its what we are dealing with.

thanks for the rotation ideas. I will mention the others to my husband but I think he is really wanting to try the 7-7. we think that would be the easiest for the kids to handle now and as they are older.

my husband has even thought about agreeing to another schedule we've come up with where he might lose a few hours total in a month with the kids but it gives them that stability still and that is the point. unfortunately mom doesn't, and wont ever, see it that way.