Unsupportive Parents

leisemomtobe

Have any of you dealt with an unsupportive parent during your adoption process? How did you deal with it? It seems my mom can only focus on the negative and she's missing out on the fun, exciting things she should be enjoying with me, like baby shopping, discussing the names we've picked, painting the nursery, or just talking about having another grandchild. I realize she might be scared since she doesn't know much about the process, but i've tried many times to explain it to her and she just focuses on the negative. It's like she doesn't hear the good parts. I don't know what to do. Any advice out there? It would be much appreciated! 

ejrobbi

DH's parents are not supportive, they feel we should 'try harder' on our own and that we are still young.  They think we are giving up.  I know its a different kind of support than what you are describing but it still stings.  I wish they would get excited for us instead of being embarrassed of our decision.  I do not have any advice.. but wish you the best. Maybe others have some advice?

Dr.Loretta

Have you asked her straight out why she is dwelling on the negative? Is there direct negative adoption experience that she's projecting onto you? There could be a million things going on that are coloring her perception and reaction to it.

Have you checked out In On It? It's a book geared specifically toward families of those adopting so they can get a better idea of what a typical adoption looks like these days and how they can be supportive.

What is your family planning background? If you've had losses or trouble TTC, or if your mom has, she may be projecting her fears about this falling through as well, and is using her behavior as a way to try and protect you.

Just some things to think about. Unfortunately it's fairly common for adoptive parents to not get the same positive reaction as a pregnancy

rccola1981

DH's mom is going to be our main issue. She barely acknowledged our announcement that we are planning to adopt. We are in the earliest stages though so I really don't have any advice.

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lorifromwi

She may also be worried about many things potential adoptive parents are...will I bond with the child?  Will there be issues with birth parents?  What level of openness will there be and will it be intrustive to our lives?  I agree with Dr. Loretta...just straight out ask her about what's bothering her.  It may be something that can be worked through, or you may have to ask her to keep some of her concerns private.  So sorry you have to deal with this!

leisemomtobe

Thank you for your advice everyone. We talked and everything is good. Im excited that she is now on the same page and just as excited as we are. Thanis again for all the advice!

m5858

I'm glad to hear things worked out. 

My FIL doesn't understand why we aren't having our own. (We never even TTC due to my health problems.) So far, all of his reactions about adoption make me nervous about how he'll treat his future (one and only) grandchild. I've mailed copies of In On It to both of our families, but my FIL is stubborn and set in his ways. Luckily, my DH is willing to tell his father to have a change of heart or don't be around the grandchild. I'm still hoping he'll have a change of heart.