Coping with Mother's Day

pblge

I'm probably not the only one around here that hates Mother's Day. Does anyone do anything special? Got any good tips for how to deal with it? It was pretty bad for me last year, so I'd like to do something different this time.

ltlavac

@pbldge, I hear ya. My beta is on Thursday and if it doesn't go how I'm hoping, I know Sunday will be a nightmare for me. Keeping positive, but I will cancel my plans with my family that day because it will be too painful. Hang in there Hugs!

diamante1181

Believe me, I get it. I just focus on my mom, and treating her well. I'm going through a tough time, and being good to my mom helps me get through it. I know it probably sounds dumb, but it helps me. 

Carol77B

My Mom's birthday falls on Mother's Day this year and my Grandmother is currently living with my parents (who are 15 minutes away - they moved to the area a couple of years after I did) so no way to avoid the "festivities." My Mom is desperate to be a grandmother for the first time (it seems like all of her friends and family already have grandchildren except her) and my Grandmother is 93, so there is a lot of pressure to make this happen, even though they are good about not making me feel the pressure.

Anyway, I intend to start drinking early and often Luckily, none of the women in my family abstain (who am I kidding, they are all pretty big drinkers, including my Grandma who loves Manischewitz Wine), so no one will give me any crap about drinking.

kittenmittens9

it's tough.  really tough.  I usually try to vent my frustrations towards my journal and that helps some.  and focusing on my Mom helps...but it also reminds me of how I want to be as good of a Mom as she is.  it's a double edged sword.  you can always post on here and we can all commiserate. 

Kacelets

I heard some bitch on the radio this morning saying you couldn't celebrate mothers day until you *actually gave birth* to a child.  I swear, I almost jumped through the radio to choke and slap this woman.  I honestly feel like you can celebrate if you are the mother of a pet, God child, plant, foster parent, statue or husband (most husbands are like children).  I say embrace it and get some flowers out of it.  We are all mothers here - we may not have that take home baby quite yet - but NO ONE can tell me that I am not a mother.  

Aaaaannnnnnnndddddd.....Tequila @IFinTN. 

Jetta83306

I am dreading Mother's Day. It was bad for me last year but I'm afraid this year will be worse. I am not really sure how I am going to cope this year. Last year I was bawling in church. Prayers for us all.

MJ14323

DH and I will be having a date day. I'm hoping for a funny movie and dinner. I don't live close to my mom so we will be doing something for ourselves. If I wasn't about to cycle in June, there would be a lot of drinking too

pblge

@Carol77B - Your mom is like my mom-no grandchildren and desperate. I put them on fertility-information lock-down about a year ago, because neither she nor my dad could keep their mouths shut about what was going on with me. She also made my fertility challenges about HER, not us. They don't have any clue what's going on, and they'll be here Sunday, too. If they behave themselves, it could be a good distraction; if not, it will be a nightmare.

In other words, I really like your early day drinking strategy! ;-)

gsancho

We have some friends nearby who are child free by choice.  The last 3 years, we always do a boozy brunch - usually a picnic or at our place.  This year I'll be a little extra brave and do brunch at a restaurant, but I don't think it's the type of place to attract lots of families with little ones.  It's a restaurant I've been really wanting to check out, so now I'm actually excited about it. 

Mozzarella13

Bloody Mary's, mimosas, and absolutely no Facebook. In other words, I'm going to drown my sorrows and cry!

MKateG

***warning***

I always make sure I work on mother's day! That is the one day a year that I hate going to church, the new mothers of the year dedicate their babies and they are given roses and the entire service is just obsessed with it. I get it I do but those of us who have had miscarriages and are mothers in our hearts because off the babies we've lost get to sit and be miserable. That's my vent but this year I'm hoping for some good betas (I got a positive hpt from our april fet #3) but from our past experiences I'm very cautious. FX and praying that these embies stick around!

ronniesgirl1981

@MKateG I didn't even think about church!!  That is definitely crossed off my list.  We don't attend regularly, but there is a church we've been thinking about trying.  I thought going on Sunday would bring some comfort....nope, definitely not! 

Like others have said, I plan to just focus on my own mom.  My MIL is being a major twit this year, so I don't know how we plan to handle her.  I suspect we'll stop by and see them, too. 

jaztastic

Kacelets said:

I heard some bitch on the radio this morning saying you couldn't celebrate mothers day until you *actually gave birth* to a child.  I swear, I almost jumped through the radio to choke and slap this woman.  I honestly feel like you can celebrate if you are the mother of a pet, God child, plant, foster parent, statue or husband (most husbands are like children).  I say embrace it and get some flowers out of it.  We are all mothers here - we may not have that take home baby quite yet - but NO ONE can tell me that I am not a mother.  

Aaaaannnnnnnndddddd.....Tequila @IFinTN. 

This!! I usually focus on my mother, thankfully she and my grandmother are still with us, so Mothers day is mostly about celebrating them. Although my family is really good about observing all the woman as mothers. Because in some capacity we all help raise children, plus everyone has fur babies too. Im an aunt of 3 living children, and I have 10 god children so I never really feel weird about Mothers Day. However my twins due date was May 6th, so 2yrs ago Mothers day was hard because it just brought back so many emotions, but I think Im better now.

Lady2010

I am dreading it a little this year since it really has hit me that having kids is a LOT harder than we planned.  Even when it took longer and we first started seeing the RE, I assumed the IUIs and then first couple IVFs would work.  

What is worse (and I know better than to plan ahead now) during my IVF in February, I realized that if it worked I would be around 11 weeks by Mother's day... so I was thinking we would go to my parents' for the weekend to tell them, and then tell DH's family a few days later when we saw them on a family trip.  Obviously that isn't happening anymore.  My parents live fairly far away (8 hour drive) so we aren't going.  And thankfully DH has to fly out for work Sunday so we aren't going there this year either.  So Sunday will be a low-key day for us I hope.

What will be really tough is we are doing a family vacation for my FIL's 70th bday..next Weds - Sun.  AND my SIL will be just hitting her 3rd trimester.  And while they know generally/high-level that we are doing IVF they know none of the details.  My MIL doesn't think before she talks (like saying how her daughter just started trying and it happened - geez, thanks!) and she is generally a PIA (nosy, needs to know everyone's business and like @pbige said - feels everything is about her)

Trying to figure out my coping strategy... FET is tomorrow and I really don't want to risk doing anything that will impact my little blast from snuggling in... so that means no wine (which makes the family trip interesting - Napa - will do the 1 or 2 tastings since it will be a sip or two and then feign migraines at dinner as my excuse not to drink).  Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Mozzarella13

@Lady2010‌ I like the medication excuse for no drinking--"The doc said it will interfere with my antibiotic/reflux medicine/ migraine medication" As far as dealing with in laws, make sure your DH is prepared to be a buffer...unfortunately i know what you mean about in laws saying stupid things, and it can't be totally prevented :-S

hopefulsprout

Ugh. Mother's Day is such a hard one. I know when I'm eventually successful I'll want to be all about it...right? But it's over the top, especially on Facebook. It's so conflicting! I do solemnly promise (when I'm eventually successful) that I'll remember how much the obsession with the holiday sucks for people who want to be mother's so badly and aren't able. 

I like the focuses previously mentioned about how we are certainly mothers in different ways---that's a positive spin and incredibly true. 

I guess, staying off FB is the most important thing for me. Fingers crossed that I don't land on it by habit. (Maybe I need a FB detox in general, LOL!) 

Last year's mother's day was when DH broke the news to his family that things weren't going well. He'd been putting it off, and I finally had to put my foot down and say I would not be attending brunch with them until he told them, as their comments were getting increasingly more difficult to handle. I'm not sure we'll do much this year. My father's mother recently passed away, so I do hope we get together. I'd love to focus on supporting him, my mom, and my MIL, perhaps adding in an aunt who's also CFNBC. It's just hard thinking about the fact that our IF issues will likely be brought up and I'm sick of talking about it. Perhaps I'll devote a little more thought into how to stear these conversations in a direction of which I'm more comfortable before this weekend hits!

ikrystal

IFinTN said:

Tequila.

Amen, sister. 

LundleBean

I'll be here.  I told my mom I'd try to make it to Easter, but that I wouldn't be available on Mother's Day.  She didn't question me.

I thought about offering to work, but was afraid I'd hear too much about the holiday and then be stuck there.

Cleaning day for me!