My kid is a bully (PR, obvs)

bumpuser1691848

I've been getting notes from his teacher for the past few weeks that DS has been hitting, pinching, pulling hair, and biting. I'm at a loss as to what to do. Of course I'm not at daycare to help, but when he does it at home, I try redirecting him, if they're fighting over a toy I take it and they can each get a different toy, if he's biting I read "Teeth Are Not for Biting", etc. Nothing is working. I've tried time out, but he doesn't understand it yet, so he keeps getting up and running off.

What do you do for your kid(s) when they're acting up like this? I feel like if something doesn't change then they might kick him out of daycare.

bumpuser1691848

@CTGirl30 I'll definitely tell his teachers to watch for triggers more carefully.

I do tell him hitting, biting, pinching, etc. hurts and that we don't do that, then I make him give DD a hug. He doesn't talk much (is in ST), so I can't do the "use your words to express your emotions" yet. I feel like it'll be so much easier when he can talk. Maybe he won't do all this then? Or maybe I'm just hopeful.

ByeBabyBunting

Our DCP started time out at about 18 months so we did too to be consistent. If LO won't stay in time out he gets a warning and then has to finish it in his room if he tries to get up again. We have a gate on his door still. I have a friend who straps her kid in his old high chair for time outs and that seems to work for her. 

bumpuser1691848

This is the one thing I hate about my daycare. They don't do time out. I'm not sure why, but they don't. They redirect. Like one time there was a kid standing on something looking out the window. DS decided he wanted to watch his sister outside playing, so he bit the kid's leg. They told him that biting isn't nice, it hurts, blah blah blah, then took him to another center by himself.

I may have to start using DD's booster seat to start strapping him into for time out. When it's really bad (like when he's fighting sleep, so he's fighting us) I'll just go put him straight into his bed and let him CIO, but I don't want him to think of his bed as a place where he goes when he's bad. Ya know?

angelashly

We do automatic time out for hitting/biting as well.

MissyC979

We went through this a little at home, but it was never really an issue at school. When he would try to hit/kick/punch we say, "We don't hit, kick, or punch in our family. We give hugs and kisses." We also do a lot of the "When you feel so mad that you want to roar, take a deep breath and count to four."

If he does hit or kick, he goes right to timeout. We used to have a timeout chair, but now he does it on the stairs.

bumpuser1691848

I need to invest in a timeout chair. With Straps.

dashofreality

Lurker - I have kids just about the same gap and went through this with my older DD a bit. Agree wit PP. Biggest things for us have been doing whatever punishment you pick (timeout etc) do it calmly. Second kids love attention. What helped the most was giving my kid as much control as possible. Lots of choices, stopped asking if she had to go potty, and setting up things Montessori-style so she could do more things by herself. We moved her clothes to where she could reach and choose, and put cereal and bowls so she can do that by herself. I usually find phases of acting out go along with some type of change and loss of control.

ByeBabyBunting

kimandhuck said:

I need to invest in a timeout chair. With Straps.

This says 5+ years, but you know ...

Oh, this one's more age appropriate!

ILoveBoys

I second trying to teach him sign. DS2 didn't talk at all until he was 3. He knew tons of sign (I minored in it in college), and I truly think that saved us.
I agree that he should be shadowed as much as possible at daycare. I worked with 2's and we had a biter who had issues relating to bring put in foster care, etc. It was hard but he stayed in arms reach of us at all times. Mostly to protect the other kids.

bumpuser1691848

@TyrannosaurusLex We do use sign for some things, so I'll definitely teach him and his teachers that one. Thanks.

@spooko They don't do TO at all at that center. DD is almost 4 and they don't do it in her class either.

bensmommy518

I do TO for anything physical (hitting, biting, kicking) or that presents immediate danger (like running toward the street).  DS is also not very verbal and in speech therapy so I second peoples suggestions of using sign language. Also it is important to keep an eye on what type of things are setting him off.  DS would pinch and bite me becasue I wasn't understanding what he wanted/needed because he couldn't verbally expressing himself.   Once we worked on that, behaviors started to get better.

One thing I have also started doing is trying to get some type of response from DS when using time out.  So at the end I will reiterate why he was in time out and what behavior I would expect him to do in the future and then ask him if he understands.  He needs to say yes or no (which he can do).  If he says no, I break it down simpler and in parts until he says he understands each part.  Then he can get out of timeout. 

I tried the hand over hand redirections (like "we do gentle touch, not hitting" while taking his hand and lightly brushing it over his arm) but it never worked for us.  Time out he understands and usually it does lessen he behavior.