Catholic question...

notkateanymore

Why do the girls dress like little brides for their first communion?

magentawarped

You're giving yourself to Christ, kind of like you would later give yourself to a husband.

penguingrrl

I believe because tradition is that you wear white for all sacraments. White baptismal gown, white first communion dress, white confirmation dress, white wedding gown. I believe burial garments were traditionally white as well.

I don't know how old the tradition is. I know that when Queen Victoria wore white for her wedding in the 1830s that was when white wedding gowns because commonplace (although even then, people often did not because extra clothing was too expensive, so unless you were wealthy you wore your best dress to marry in).

magentawarped

It's also a "pure" color.

fancynewbeesly

Kimbus22 said:

magentawarped said:

You're giving yourself to Christ, kind of like you would later give yourself to a husband.

I hope I'm not offending anyone when I say I find this nearly as creepy as the whole "my father is the guardian to my virginity until I get married" parties.

I don't think the idea of anyone giving themselves to anyone else for any reason.

Control issues.  I haz em.

I actually got REALLY weirded out by that as well. *shudders* But I am Jewish, so that may be part of it. But I don't think so. 

magentawarped

Kimbus22 said:

magentawarped said:

You're giving yourself to Christ, kind of like you would later give yourself to a husband.

I hope I'm not offending anyone when I say I find this nearly as creepy as the whole "my father is the guardian to my virginity until I get married" parties.

I don't think the idea of anyone giving themselves to anyone else for any reason.

Control issues.  I haz em.


I find lots of religious stuff weird and sometimes creepy. Let's all eat the body of Christ and drink his blood, yo! But then, I had pretty much quit religion by high school, and I was never confirmed anyway.

AprilLVE

It is to symbolize purity, just like white garments for baptism and weddings.  The kids just had their first Reconciliation a couple of days before their First Communion, so they are pure and without sin.

Growing up, we had a priest who wanted to get away from the "little bride" look for the First Communicants.  People went BANANAS!  I always thought the reaction was kind of ridiculous, until sitting in Mass today and watching the little girls proceed up the aisle in their white dresses and veils and it made me already excited for my daughter to have the same.  So, I get the death grip on tradition a little better now!

magentawarped

So, I may have kind of mistranslated my thought, the more I think about it. It's similar to a wedding dress in that the white represents purity and innocence...meh. I'll just stop trying. I found a blog article that explains a bit better anyway.

https://lifeandlaughskmm.blogspot.com/2011/05/white-dress-and-veil.html?m=1

penguingrrl

AprilLVE said:

It is to symbolize purity, just like white garments for baptism and weddings.  The kids just had their first Reconciliation a couple of days before their First Communion, so they are pure and without sin.

Growing up, we had a priest who wanted to get away from the "little bride" look for the First Communicants.  People went BANANAS!  I always thought the reaction was kind of ridiculous, until sitting in Mass today and watching the little girls proceed up the aisle in their white dresses and veils and it made me already excited for my daughter to have the same.  So, I get the death grip on tradition a little better now!

There is a church near me that has done away with the gowns. Now all the kids wear white choir type robes. And they don't have a special communion mass. Over the period of a few weeks a few kids have their first communion during a regular mass. A lot of parents really prefer it because it puts the emphasis on the sacrament instead of the clothes (we're in a very wealthy area and buying expensive dresses was turning into a pissing match,which is why the church changed the tradition). We decided not to raise children in religion since we no longer practice or believe, but when we were waffling for our parents sakes I absolutely refused to use that parish because if I was doing it they were getting pretty dresses damnit!

raraavis28

magentawarped said:

It's also a "pure" color.

Yeah, this. There really isn't a marriage connection at all. Also it used to be traditional for girls to wear mantillas to church (little veils) so the veils are probably an off-shoot of that (just a guess).

notkateanymore

The church here is half veils half wreaths it seems.

penguingrrl

KateMW said:

The church here is half veils half wreaths it seems.

I actually had just a wreath of baby's breath and no veil! I still remember it being so pretty .

rosesandpetals

I've never heard it compared to a wedding ceremony. There's no giving yourself to God during the ceremony or anything. I think the dresses are really pretty, I can't wait for DD to get to wear one.

I had a veil and a very dated dress (big poofy sleeves). My sisters wore the same dress and it was beautiful but I'm older and my family didn't find it until after I made my FHC.

MesmrEwe

The only time a girl is "giving themselves to Christ" is when a woman enters the Sisterhood.  First Communion the white is a symbol of purity, however not required as much now as it once was, for boys especially!  It's one that you can choose what outfit the kids are wearing and most simply choose the all-white dresses and either with or without a veil. 

For DD we had a very simple elegant floor length dress with a little more ornate veil that I hand-stitched.  But I had fun with it and involved DD in the decision-making process so she's the one who chose her dress.  She could have gone with a more traditional one, but she liked this one and it was in the budget so that's what she got.  A friend's daughter just wore a white top and white skirt for hers (no fancincess at all)...  My nephew just wore a basic suit today for his...

Andrewsgal

The whole thing creeps me out too. The dressing like brides is just so odd for a 7 year old.

cactus5

letranger said:

 Also you don't give yourself to Christ you are unified with the church through communion.

This is a much better explanation. I love the white dresses for the little girls.

notkateanymore

I don't mind the dresses. I do think the veils are a little weird and bride-ish.

rosesandpetals

Why do weddings get a monopoly on veils? Who cares, no one is marrying baby Jesus. They're just pretty hair accessories.

raraavis28

amy052006 said:

Side note -- it's Communion season around these parts, and more than one person has posted on facebook pic of their daughter getting their hair done for Communion.  Like at the salon. Like it is prom.

Nope.

I saw a FB post of a little girl getting a mani/pedi for her First Communion. I'm not the biggest side-eyer in the world, but I definitely side-eyed that one.

notkateanymore

amy052006 said:

Side note -- it's Communion season around these parts, and more than one person has posted on facebook pic of their daughter getting their hair done for Communion.  Like at the salon. Like it is prom.

Nope.

I guess it's like any big event? I mean they're already dressing them to look like a bride! That being said, I'm having to get DD's hair done for her recital bc I can not do hair at all. So my stylist is rolling it and doing her first hair do so I don't make it a hair don't. I'm on my own for the next two changes and I am not gonna lie...I considered seeing if my stylist would come backstage and do the other two. I hate doing hair and I suck at it.

notkateanymore

letranger said:

I refashioned my veil (birdcage) for J's baptism. It looked cute I swear.

That is cute...veils on 8 year olds freak me out.

notkateanymore

marchesa28 said:

amy052006 said:

Side note -- it's Communion season around these parts, and more than one person has posted on facebook pic of their daughter getting their hair done for Communion.  Like at the salon. Like it is prom.

Nope.

I saw a FB post of a little girl getting a mani/pedi for her First Communion. I'm not the biggest side-eyer in the world, but I definitely side-eyed that one.

With her mom? Spending time together before a big event? Lord, I should friend you on FB, your eyes would fall out of your head looking at my pictures.

notkateanymore

I agree D&W, but that's just it...nobody knows if it was JUST for communion or they do it a lot or what. I don't even mind it just for communion. Nothing about a mani/pedi says "I don't think God is important" to me.

Andrewsgal

Um DD and I get mani/pedis at least once a month together and she is 7. No event either.

chelseymat

JellyBellyStar said:

marchesa28 said:

amy052006 said:

Side note -- it's Communion season around these parts, and more than one person has posted on facebook pic of their daughter getting their hair done for Communion.  Like at the salon. Like it is prom.

Nope.

I saw a FB post of a little girl getting a mani/pedi for her First Communion. I'm not the biggest side-eyer in the world, but I definitely side-eyed that one.

What really?  I bet it was a lot of fun for the little girl. 

This is so weird. If you are practicing, believing, Catholic first communion is a huge deal. Even if you aren't practicing and believing it a family tradition and a cultural event. So you side eye someone for making it extra special?

To add to the original point, veils are a little weird to me but  I think (please let me know if I'm wrong) pre Vatican II  all women were veiled in church right? I would guess it dates back to then.

chelseymat

JellyBellyStar said:

chelseymat said:

JellyBellyStar said:

marchesa28 said:

amy052006 said:

Side note -- it's Communion season around these parts, and more than one person has posted on facebook pic of their daughter getting their hair done for Communion.  Like at the salon. Like it is prom.

Nope.

I saw a FB post of a little girl getting a mani/pedi for her First Communion. I'm not the biggest side-eyer in the world, but I definitely side-eyed that one.

What really?  I bet it was a lot of fun for the little girl. 

This is so weird. If you are practicing, believing, Catholic first communion is a huge deal. Even if you aren't practicing and believing it a family tradition and a cultural event. So you side eye someone for making it extra special?

To add to the original point, veils are a little weird to me but  I think (please let me know if I'm wrong) pre Vatican II  all women were veiled in church right? I would guess it dates back to then.

Are you talking to me?  I don't side eye it at all.  I think going to the salon and getting a mani/pedi sounds like a fun thing to do on a Communion day.  It doesn't mean the child wasn't told of what the significance of the event was prior to that and onto that numerous times. 

Oh no. I was agreeing with you.

raraavis28

Meh, too many to quote.....no, it was w/ her aunt....not that that really makes a difference. And, sure mani/pedis are a nice thing to do, not saying they aren't.....but, like amynumbers said, for First Communion it seemed that the focus was on getting all glitzed-up more than on making the sacrament....very "prom jr." That's the vibe I got from that particular pic anyway, but, who knows, I could be judging falsely.
:-??

rosesandpetals

amy052006 said:

chelseymat said:

JellyBellyStar said:

marchesa28 said:

amy052006 said:

Side note -- it's Communion season around these parts, and more than one person has posted on facebook pic of their daughter getting their hair done for Communion.  Like at the salon. Like it is prom.

Nope.

I saw a FB post of a little girl getting a mani/pedi for her First Communion. I'm not the biggest side-eyer in the world, but I definitely side-eyed that one.

What really?  I bet it was a lot of fun for the little girl. 

This is so weird. If you are practicing, believing, Catholic first communion is a huge deal. Even if you aren't practicing and believing it a family tradition and a cultural event. So you side eye someone for making it extra special?

To add to the original point, veils are a little weird to me but  I think (please let me know if I'm wrong) pre Vatican II  all women were veiled in church right? I would guess it dates back to then.

Honestly, yes.  I side eye spending a year drilling it into a 3rd grader's head that it is about receiving the body of Christ and being "worthy" on the inside of accepting his body and blood, and then making it a fashion show day of.

But then again, and maybe this my UO, but I actually think most Catholics are full of it when it comes to this stuff anyway.

ETA:  I suppose I don't get to really judge who is pious or not, so ok. But really, having been around this my whole life, I have had more than enough experiences with First Communions where the actual sacrament and its meaning is merely a blip on the radar of everything that surrounds it.

Umm, they're 2nd graders. Get it straight.

Just kidding.

But really, for a lot of people I think Catholicism is more a cultural thing than a religious thing. I believe in God and religion is important to me but I wouldn't describe myself as devout. But first communion and first reconciliation are huge milestones culturally. You're growing up, you are over the age of innocence, you aren't a little kid anymore... It has religious significance but there is also undoubtedly a cultural aspect to it. Which, I think, is where the extravagant dresses and receptions come into it.

notkateanymore

Is this where I bring up bar and bat mitzvahs? 

bumpuser8448316

If I was still a practicing Catholic I would take dd to get her hair and nails done before her FHC. It's a big day. Should little girls having a bat mitzvah not get pampered before they celebrate? Or is that different because they're older?

AprilLVE

I don't see anything wrong with making a big deal out of the milestones in life. First communion, bar mitzvah, sweet 16, 3 day Hindu wedding, whatever. If you can't go all out for that stuff, when can you?

Just because someone makes a celebration out of a religious event doesn't mean they aren't taking it seriously. How can anybody know what's in someone else's heart?  And I don't want to hear that they're hypocrites because they do xyz when they're not in church. That's like the whole point! You sin, you confess, you go to Mass, and you try to do better. If only non-hypocrites were allowed in church, it would be quite the lonely place.

lexusolsen

@erin km idk how long you have been around but amy#s is a recovering catholic herself (correct me if I'm wrong). So she is speaking from her own experience as a cradle catholic. I understand why you would get defensive, I used to do the same thing. But the truth is, you don't know what's in Amy's heart anymore than she knows what is in yours. I'm in that same spot. I can't imagine not being a part of our church community, going to the fall festival, taking my dd to religious ed, having her make the sacraments but doing those things because it's a part of my culture and family traditions without any meaning to myself or dh would be incredibly disrespectful. Many recovering Catholics struggle with this- you aren't alone but don't pretend that Amy's experience isn't valuable.

notkateanymore

Erin KM said:

@lexusolsen I appreciate that.  I am pretty new.  Just sharing my feelings.

Just a thought, but if you are sharing your feeling without knowing any backstory, I wouldn't be so quick to assume the worst of everybody.

MesmrEwe

Well said April!!!  Heck, I hired a friend who is a photographer to take pictures at DD's FHC - honestly, hiring her and a friend to make the cake were some of the smartest things I did so that we could focus on the importance of the day and the milestone that DD was embarking upon instead of stressing out myself to put everything together.  Yes, we had DD's hair done because her hair is a royal PITA because it's SUPER fine and straight making even getting it into a ponytail a recipe for frustration. The reason for the photographer is because I have TWO pictures from DD's Baptism, and none from DS's or should I say I have a ton of blurry pictures with our heads cut off... AND, we also had the dinner at a local hotel because there was no way in heck our house was going to get cleaned up/organized enough nor myself the time to cook for 55 people (I have a huge family).  I wanted to focus on the main reason for the day, not the stress of putting everything together then cleanup afterwards (which wouldn't be on myself alone). 

If I was in to the whole mani/pedi thing as a Mom/Daughter activity, I wouldn't side-eye anyone doing so because of the cultural aspect of the day.  As others have mentioned, the cultural aspect can't be overlooked.  It's like trying to DIY a wedding even if on a far smaller scale, you spend so much time working at the event that it's over and you didn't get to enjoy or be in the moment, and for DD's FHC, I wanted for all of us to enjoy the day, not be laborers to the day.