Fearful of deciding to have baby #2...anybody else scared?

Ardmhs83

So my DH and I are thinking about trying for baby #2 soon.  I am off the pill already, but we are still using protection.  I think I am more nervous about getting pregnant this time than I was the first time.  I know exactly what I'm getting myself into this time!  Each time a new month comes I think, "ok we are going to start trying this month," then I chicken out!  I'm actually really scared this time.  I'm worried the worst can happen and I could leave my son that I already have.  I know that I'm more likely to die in a car accident, but it is definitely more of a fear this time around.  I know nobody here can tell me if I am ready, but was just wondering if anybody has had these feelings?  How do you just jump in and pray for the best?  It doesn't help that I also had PPD/PPA last time too...so that is another fear.  

It is a weird feeling...I feel physically and financially ready, but the fear of something bad happening is messing with my head.    

jnnfrrose6

I agree with PP.  That's not a fear many people talk about on here.  It's usually concern about being financially ready or not, which is something easier to figure out IMO. For that, you just need to take a serious look at your budget and spending and determine if it makes sense for your family or not, and if not, make a plan to get to a place that would make it ok.

For your concerns, I think you need to seek out a therapist, especially with your history of PPD/PPA.  Concerns like you're describing can get worse and lead to other issues beyond whether or not you should have another child.  You don't want a fear now of something happening to you turn into something debilitating that prevents you from actually living your life.

Ardmhs83

Yea, I still see my therapist and psychiatrist.  I honestly think my fear is also coming from the fact I had to have a c/s last time and am planning a natural VBAC this time.  I know a baby has to come out one of two ways and I'm so fearful of another section.  It has more risks, like I've mentioned above.  

Sorry, should have included that in the original post...   

Jags8

I'm concerned about having #1. My mom had PPD after me, which led to my parents divorcing. Plus I'm already prone to anxiety. I've had 7 panic attacks since high school. So I'm worried about developing PPD and/or PPA. But we are going to TTC this fall, and we will just have to deal with it if I do get PPD/PPA.

Ardmhs83

Jags8 said:

I'm concerned about having #1. My mom had PPD after me, which led to my parents divorcing. Plus I'm already prone to anxiety. I've had 7 panic attacks since high school. So I'm worried about developing PPD and/or PPA. But we are going to TTC this fall, and we will just have to deal with it if I do get PPD/PPA.

I'm sorry you are experiencing this.  It will help you that you are aware of the possibility, so it can help you prepare.  Look into placenta encapsulation, I'm doing it next time.  PPD/PPA can really test a relationship, that is for sure.  It tested my DH a lot, but he was a trooper and helped me soooo much.  Good luck with everything, you will be fine.  It  may not even happen to you and if it does...you're prepared.  

Jags8

Ardmhs83 said:

Jags8 said:

I'm concerned about having #1. My mom had PPD after me, which led to my parents divorcing. Plus I'm already prone to anxiety. I've had 7 panic attacks since high school. So I'm worried about developing PPD and/or PPA. But we are going to TTC this fall, and we will just have to deal with it if I do get PPD/PPA.

I'm sorry you are experiencing this.  It will help you that you are aware of the possibility, so it can help you prepare.  Look into placenta encapsulation, I'm doing it next time.  PPD/PPA can really test a relationship, that is for sure.  It tested my DH a lot, but he was a trooper and helped me soooo much.  Good luck with everything, you will be fine.  It  may not even happen to you and if it does...you're prepared.  

Yep I am definitely going to do the encapsulation. I know a lot of people find it odd/gross, but studies have shown it can help reduce PPD/PPA.

aglenn

I had these fears to a certain extent, but it didn't keep me from moving forward and trying for #2.  When I got pregnant the first time we had just started talking about TTC and weren't planning to try for a while...surprise!  So I think I was a little overwhelmed and unprepared and blissfully ignorant about all the things that could go wrong.  The second time around I had a lot more worries about what could happen to me and/or the baby, because by then I had read so many pregnancy books and stories and heard things from other people that I was not so easily able to assume all would be fine.  As far as just jumping in, I was able to do that because I knew we wanted 2 kids and I was not getting any younger so the risks were only going up the longer I waited. 

SleepingBeauty79

Im in the exact same boat that you are. I had severe antenatal and PPD/PPA.  My son is almost 6 now and I keep puting off TTC cause i'm absolutely terrified. I dont know what the terror is. I feel ready, but out of nowhere its like this fear starts choking me.

jenandtommeyer

I'm afraid of having another baby who doesn't sleep well (meaning with my son I did not sleep more than 2-4 hours a night for over a year), and of having another traumatic birth experience. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, and although I've worked through it to a great extent, it worries me. So yes, I'm afraid, but not in the same way. 

holliberry28

I understand where your coming from.  I'm scared to TTC our first.  I think I'm not healthy enough to carry and have a healthy baby.  Or that a million different things will go wrong.  What if you try to "ride the wave" of your fear, and acknowledge this may or may not happen.  Trying to "overcome" a fear or irrational anxiety just makes it worse (speaking from experience)..How about just kinda accepting, yea, this could happen and I'm terrified...I hope this makes sense.   Also, do some body feedback..feel where you feel the tension, describe it to yourself, it might help it abate a little.  Just some things my cognitive therapist told me.  Hope you feel better!

Ardmhs83

Thank you again ladies.  It does help to know that others feel this way too.  I spoke to my therapist again this past week and got some advice from her too.  I think we are just going to continue "not really trying, but not preventing."  I start to get super stressed when we actual plan, plan.  

Thanks again!

heatherwhite1984

I am scared to get pregnant again too. With my first child, I nearly died due to hemorrhaging. I am so scared that this will happen with the next delivery. Once this happened I put life in to a whole new perspective, although I have more fears and suffer from PPD and PTSD. I don't want to leave my child(ren) too early. If we don't try, I will never know though, its a hard decision to make. 
Best of luck to you!

TheMrsW

Jags8 said:

I'm concerned about having #1. My mom had PPD after me, which led to my parents divorcing. Plus I'm already prone to anxiety. I've had 7 panic attacks since high school. So I'm worried about developing PPD and/or PPA. But we are going to TTC this fall, and we will just have to deal with it if I do get PPD/PPA.

I worry about PPD as well (and this will be #1 too), with my bipolar and all. I also worry about passing on my disorder, but that was something I had to think long and hard about before we decided to start trying in the next few months. These are things we decided the good outweighed the risks, and we too decided we would deal with whatever comes with the help of my psychiatrists and doctors.

Divallyn

I am terrifyied too. I had PPD/PPA but I think I am way better prepared for that this time. I am mostly worried about how much even less time I will have, worried I will have a screamer/non-sleeper, worried about the financial impact, etc. I am still not sure if we are going to go for another. Most of the time I am happy with our family of three but once in a blue moon the baby bug hits me.

mrscheese15

You are NOT alone.

My DH and I just had the conversation about trying for #2.  Now knowing everything that could go wrong, I think the same things you are.  I think that the PP are correct in saying that this is not a fear that is often talked about; but I think it's a little taboo of a subject. My friend is also having her 2nd and she said the same thing recently.  She just graduated from nursing school and she is a basket case in knowing EXACTLY what could go wrong from the medical field.  She said that birth is natural and so is the fear of birth.  I also tend to think that our fear the 2nd time around stems from knowing you are not going to be able to lay down after work or just be able to relax like the 1st.  You have someone that is relying on you already and it's going to be an adjustment.  DH and I are excited 95%, the other 5% is fear/nervousness over finances/schooling/birth. <<< and I think it's in that order as well.  Should you talk to your therapist, yes.  Are you alone in thinking you've got an irrational fear, NO.

Good luck. I'm going to try and take my own advice and try to relax and enjoy the second ride when we start trying in a month or two

-A

Ardmhs83

Thank you again ladies!  I pray we will all be okay and enjoy the next pregnancy ride!  I'm going to try to enjoy my second pregnancy to the fullest...whenever that happens! ;-)