Struggling

ziggy903

I'm really having a hard time with David's recovery from his surgery.
He's still in a lot of pain, so they have him on a lot of drugs. Some of the painkillers are also sedatives, so while he's sedated he needs to be on a ventilator.
The surgeon told us that he will be sedated/on the vent for 24-72 hours. I know they take things one day at a time, but all this "at least 24 more hours" stuff is so freaking hard. It's like a big tease every day. And we're at the expected max of 72 hours now. There was talk of extubating him today, but he wasn't reacting well to being weaned off of the sedative, so they're going to re-evaluate tomorrow. They increased his fentanyl again and now it's at least another 24 hours. I know that staying on the vent is best for him, but I'm having a really hard time with it. I hate watching him struggle and hurt so much. I hate seeing him in pain. I hate that I can't hold him, and that I can't do anything to help him.

I don't know what the point of this post is. I don't even know if it makes sense. I'm just having a hard time. The hospital thing is so much harder the second time around.

magentawarped

I'm so sorry hon. I can't even imagine what you're going through. All I can offer is creepy internet hugs. Stay strong, mama.

courtls22

((Hugs)) I can't even imagine what you're going through, it has to be really tough! I hope he gets off the ventilator and you can hold him soon. You're doing a great job even if it feels like you can't do much for him right now.

littlepig2

I'm so sorry, ziggy, I wish there was something I could do to help. I can't imagine how painful it must be to watch David and not be able to hold him. hopefully posting your feelings here will make you feel somewhat better. it's so frustrating to have to wait the pain out but know that soon he will be better and you can put this surgery behind you and focus on your family and lots of cuddling. I'm sending lots of T&P's that baby David can be held tomorrow and lots of (((hugs))) to you during this difficult time. :x :bz

ShePersisted

Sorry Ziggy. Really don't know what to say except that I'll be sending a lot of prayers for his speedy and painless recovery. Hang in there mama, remember you are doing what's best for him.

tangerinemachine

Ugh this sucks so much. I'm thinking of little David and hoping for a smooth recovery hugs to you

sprashley

So glad that you can come here to get your feelings out! It would be incredibly difficult to just watch from the sidelines and not comfort/hold your baby eventhough it's for the best for now.  Hoping you get some better news soon that he can start being weaned off the sedatives, etc. 

Codypup

I am so, so sorry zig. This has got to be horribly painful for you and your H. I guess it's good that the doctors are being careful and cautious, though, ya know? They're doing the best possible thing for David. I know that fact doesn't help your heart any, though.

You are such a strong woman and mother. You guys are in my T&Ps. I hope you get better news tomorrow. The day you get to hold your baby again will be absolutely amazing...hang in there. 

((((((hugs)))))))

mlynn333

I can't imagine what you're dealing with. Knowing that the vent is for the best right now doesn't make it any easier. Praying that he'll rebound quickly and that you'll be able to hold him soon. :bz

Meghan14

(((HUGS))) stay strong lady.

coralreefmom

I'm so sorry ziggy! I admire the way you've been so strong with everything you, mr.ziggy, and David have been through. I'll continue to keep you all in my t&p's and hope that you get to hold your baby boy soon!

(((Hugs)))

tiffanyjensen

As others have said, you are very strong. What you are going through...i can't imagine how i would be coping.

David is a lucky baby to have a mommy who loves him so much. Try to keep your mind on the fact that very soon your baby will be in your arms. :hugs:

sdlaura

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I'm especially thinking of you because we'll be dealing with major surgery and recovery soon. It must be so hard to have all the unknowns. Hang in there and I'll continue thinking of you.

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RondackHiker

I know we were talking earlier, but big hugs to you. I wish I could help.

MamaAllison

I'm so sorry! This must be so tough on you.

cattuccino

My heart aches for you and David. I truly can't imagine. ((((ziggy)))) I wish I could hug you in person.

gingerm84

(((Hugs))) I'm so sorry.

AngieV84

Big big hugs, ziggy. I can't imagine everything you're going through. Hang in there, you're so strong.

RondackHiker

Madisonpenny said:

What got me through the days spent at the hospital was knowing that I was going to be walking out of there with a happy, healthy baby.

I know you're trying to be sweet and I know you had a rough time of it lately, but Ziggy won't be walking out with a healthy baby. From what I understand he's going to have a catheter and be in a spica cast, which likely weighs more than he does at this point, for several weeks. I think there's even been some question if he'll even be able to use a car seat. He will be healthy one day, but let's remember this is just the start for sweet (and tough) David.

gigantan

I am so sure you are ready to speed up this part and never look back. Just know that with each passing hour, David is healing. Before you know it, he will be ready for discharge. Hang in there mama! (((Hugs)))

Allieb303

To put a tiny speck of positivity here, your baby is so amazingly lucky to have such a caring and anxious mommy! All the things and frustrations you are feeling are further proof of your undying love for him, sadly not all moms would care so much.
I can't begin to fathom your situation but you are so strong and are deeply admired by a great group of women

ramfan05

Ziggy, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. David is so blessed to have you as his mommy, and you are so strong. Continued prayers for David, and for you and your DH.  ((hugs)) 

lihau88

I am so sorry you and little David are going through this. I truly hope you don't have to hear "24 more hours" anymore and you'll be on your way home soon. Tons of T&P to you and your family!

Heather757x

So sorry that you have to deal with all of this. You are such a great and strong mom for going through all this. My T&P are with you all.

ziggy903

Thank you guys so much. It means a lot to me to have you guys to talk to. :x

And rondack, thank you for saying what I was feeling about that phrase. You took the words right out of my mouth.. Or, my fingers.

Noethola

I am so sorry. It has to be so hard not to be able to hold and comfort him. I hope that he continues to improve and will be able to be  weaned from tubes and meds soon. Hopefully not much longer!

BethK22

I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be. Sending so many big hugs your way. David is so lucky to have a mama who loves him so much.

KazDuck918

You are one tough momma. You have been handling everything like a champion. To feel frustrated with everything that is going on is understandable. But I'm sure that David is in good hands and he's got an amazing mother who is watching everything like a hawk and sending him all the love in her heart.
Sending you many hugs!

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sweet*18

Sending lots of thoughts and prayers!

djtippietoes

I want to echo what everyone else said. You are so strong for going through this. Lots of ((hugs))

1linedrawing

I'm so, so sorry ziggy. You are so crazy strong, and you made a strong boy. All my cyber hugs go to you.
((((((Zigs))))))

spicysurro

(((hugs))) We are here for you to vent and express your feelings! Im so sorry you are dealing with this but you are a great mom and such a strong woman! We creepy internet stranger friend love you Zig! 

ARentz24

I am so sorry. I cannot imagine what you are going through. You are one tough momma with an even tougher little guy!! My continued thoughts and prayers to you and your sweet boy!

JessWhatINeeded

Thinking of you and David. Stay strong momma.

emar129

(((Hugs))) to you and David. I can't even imagine this. This is the perfect place to voice your frustration and sadness. We are all here for you. Stay strong for that little guy!

rachaelmary

My heart hurts for you I'm so sorry you have to go through this. You and your little man are so strong!

I'll be praying lots for you guys.

littleaviary

Thinking of you and the whole Ziggy family, David has a lot of people rooting for him! You're doing amazing for everything you have dealt with!
:bz :bz

slwprincess

I'm so sorry. I would love to come distract you when you're ready. Just a cup of coffee or grab a quick bite to eat. You know how to reach me. I know this must be terribly hard to endure. T&P for you all!

shellbell3845

You, your H, and David continue to be in my prayers. (((Hugs)))