Bad Home Study?

KezziRiv · May 2014

We just had our second home study and I can't help but feel it went poorly. We had it split apart so that I went first, then we did the section with the second questionnaire together, then DW went. The part together sort of just went off the rails. DW has an extremely complicated family situation and a history that includes a lot of major trauma. She is not a person who is super chatty about personal stuff(extraordinarily private) and so as the SW was digging into this stuff, it just seemed to go more and more downhill. There was crying, and it just felt awful. The SW said, listen I just need to know if this comes up in parenting, you'll seek outside help. UGH.

So then, they did their part and DW says it went ok but I am left feeling like there are "too many red flags" or something. Can they just deny you based on your past?

I am just so used to things falling apart through the baby process, I am feeling pretty down about this. Any words of advice or wisdom?

plus12012 · May 2014

I think it would be alright if you spoke to the SW about it. Let them know that your DW is just really anxious and emotional about the process and you are concerned about how you as a couple were perceived during the home study.

Dr.Loretta · May 2014

Is it possible for your W to look into counseling proactively? I don't necessarily see this as a deal breaker, but showing that she wants to address these issues may help in a number of ways.

And crying isn't necessarily bad either. At least she showed her emotions

KezziRiv · May 2014

Dr.Loretta said:

Is it possible for your W to look into counseling proactively? I don't necessarily see this as a deal breaker, but showing that she wants to address these issues may help in a number of ways. And crying isn't necessarily bad either. At least she showed her emotions

She actually has been to counseling a number of times throughout her adult life but it seemed as though the SW was just kinda dismissing it since DW's affect is kinda flat when she talks about it. She is a person who just holds in her personal stuff around strangers but between us, of course, I know that she's dealt with the trauma's in an appropriate way.

I just don't know how to pass along that understanding to the SW.

Dr.Loretta · May 2014

Just tell the SW. DH is not a touchy feely guy, and didn't have a great childhood. The only way he opened up to our SW was talking about his hobbies. The rest of the time he sat there

CaptainSerious · May 2014

your social worker what she's thinking about how the interviews went. Only then can you really know. We had four days of interviews and got into really heavy stuff, and I cried a bit. Typically, sw Jus T want to know you've dealt with all the messy stuff in your past, and won't fall apart if it is resurrected while you are parenting.

Lacyj67 · May 2014

I really would not worry too much. Our SW had a lot of deep stuff to discuss with my DH because he had a very dramatic childhood with drug addicted parents and abuse. He has never been to counseling and she didn't seem to think it was a problem now. He let it all out. She said they would not deny us based on our past! I'm sure everything will be just fine it's hard not being paranoid about all the interviews!!!!