New kid on the block

diagonalley

Hello ladies! My DS was born on Sunday, 4/27 at 34 w 3 d, unexpectedly, as he was due in June.  I had a really good pregnancy with no complications, so it was quite a surprise!  He is doing well in the NICU and we're hoping for a short stay.  I find myself having a hard time dealing with him arriving early and am hoping you are able to relate!  I am angry that I'm not pregnant anymore and that he did not get to come home with us when we left the hospital, but know that I am fortunate that he is doing well and making progress.  It's a really conflicting position to be in.  And while I want him home with us I am TERRIFIED of bringing him home, and terrified that something will happen to him.  We have monitor training tomorrow because he will need to be on a monitor for four weeks when we bring him home.  I'm hoping that will give me some peace of mind.  So, any suggestions for dealing with the conflicting feelings? The anger/disappointment/nervousness?  I really appreciate your support and look forward to getting to know this board better

xnbride

Congratulations! It is hard to not have the experience you are anticipating and planning for. It really puts you in a whirlwind. Your son is in good hands and after some time, you will start to find a routine that works well for you. The positive thing about the NICU is that it is a great time to get really prepared for parenthood in a way that is unique. I have become a CPR, child seat and medical expert over these past few weeks. I have learned things that would have been so helpful to know with my other kids.
Write down your feelings or talk them out with a safe person like your hubby or social worker or connect with other NICU parents. It helps to not feel so alone in this. Your feelings are valid and real and don't be ashamed of them. You didn't get to have a typical experience but he is doing very well and is making progress every day and soon he will go home and this time will be behind you. Take it a day at a time and soon you will be able to look back and see how far he has come even when progress seems slow. Big hugs! You are not alone.

diagonalley

From what I understand he will be on a monitor because of his Brady events. (That is a word I didn't even know a week ago!) I was in the pumping room when the trainer came by to set it up.

Thank you for the support, ladies. I feel like I am being unrational by being angry but I can't help it. The entire ride home from the hospital on the night I was discharged I was sobbing.

I will try to only focus on the positives, because there are quite a few! My husband and I just completed the CPR course last night. Hopefully when we go in in the morning his bili levels will have dropped and he no longer needs his light. Taking it one day at a time. Thank you again it helps to not feel like I am alone!

flerlgirl

Heyyyy, gurl. Welcome to the preemie board First of all, congrats! Max is such a cutie! 

Second of all… I wish there was a magic formula for how to deal with the NICU. I will tell you what worked for me - just try to make it through little parts of the day at a time. Some days I would look at the clock and tell myself I only had to survive for one more hour. Sometimes I could only handle thirty seconds. There is no wrong or right way to feel so just go with it. It's okay to be angry about it and it's okay to be overjoyed at meeting your son, and it's okay to be both at the same time. Time is really the only thing that will help these feelings become more manageable, and I promise they will get better. The NICU is such a roller coaster but you are not alone. Is there a preemie support group at your hospital? That helped me a lot. 

DS came home on monitors. In a way it was good bc I was scared of what would happen without the monitors. In a way it was frustrating bc I was tired of monitors!! He stayed on them for a few months (DS is a weirdo; your kid will probably be released after his four weeks are served ) and it was difficult but we got used to it and people were really helpful. 

PM me any time or page me on a board if you need to talk or just want to vent. Big hugs and I look forward to hearing about how Max does! 

diagonalley

Thanks @flerlgirl. It helps to have heard about your cutie for the past several months! I will have to look into a support group...I think that would be helpful. Annnnd I'm sure you'll be hearing from me at some point.

flerlgirl

MommyP710 said:

Thanks @flerlgirl. It helps to have heard about your cutie for the past several months! I will have to look into a support group...I think that would be helpful. Annnnd I'm sure you'll be hearing from me at some point.

Our hospital had one and it was so helpful because people understood. Please do reach out anytime! I am well-versed in NICU lingo, Beatles trivia, reruns of Charmed, and Harrison Ford. 

Pips09

Congrats on your baby. Your feelings are absolutely normal, and there isn't a magic cure for them, it really just takes time. I think a support group sounds like a fabulous idea, I didn't have one of those, but I would have joined one if it was available.
My daughter also came home on an apnea monitor, and it actually helped with some of my anxiety of having her home, since she was still being "watched" over at home. Good luck!

scubagirl81

Congrats and welcome! I also had my LO at just over 34 weeks after a completely normal pregnancy. It was quite a shock, especially since my DH was out of the country (just Canada, thank goodness, but still). I think leaving the hospital without my baby was the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm pretty sure I sobbed the whole way home too. It's definitely not fun, but I was so grateful to the doctors and especially the nurses. They were so helpful and I learned so much from them! I also have spent quite a bit of time here and on the Preemie Parenting board on babycenter, there are some amazing people, and it's nice to connect with someone who understands what you're going through. Don't be afraid to feel sad/scared/angry/grief because it's all totally normal. Don't forget to ask for help, and take care of yourself! Hopefully baby Max will be home with you soon and this will all be a memory!

rkcaraway

Congrats on your little one!  

The feelings suck and I don't have a magic answer on how to deal with them.  I'm 7 months out now and still get angry and sad sometimes.  Try to enjoy the positives and deal with the negatives as they come.  

Monitors are good and bad.  I found myself watching my daughters pulse ox all the time when she first came home.  Try to become as familiar with it as you can-maybe even before he leaves since you know he is coming home with it.  That way you know what is normal and not normal.  We had a faulty machine that gave me such anxiety because I thought something was wrong.  Training we received was from supply company by a guy who didn't know how to use it.  I ended up training myself and am no longer scared of the machine. Monitors are great as well because they can tell you if something is "off" before your child actually shows signs.  My case, I can tell if my daughter is about to vomit after a feed because her heart rate gets really high. 

Best wishes to you and welcome to the group!

middleschoolmommy

@MommyP710

I also delivered on 4/27. My son was due 7/11. While I am thrilled at all of the wonderful progress my son has made this week, I know I'm still in for a long NICU stay. I am also struggling with feeling angry/sense of loss at not being pregnant anymore. I actually started crying when I looked in the mirror yesterday and there was no more baby bump, at all. Most women would be crying tears of joy at that, right?

I'm so glad that it looks like you won't have your LO in the NICU for long! I don't have any advice for when he come home, since I'm waiting patiently for that day to come, too However, I completely understand the feelings you are having. I'm glad to know I'm not alone in feeling these things.

diagonalley

eadams08 said:

@MommyP710

I also delivered on 4/27. My son was due 7/11. While I am thrilled at all of the wonderful progress my son has made this week, I know I'm still in for a long NICU stay. I am also struggling with feeling angry/sense of loss at not being pregnant anymore. I actually started crying when I looked in the mirror yesterday and there was no more baby bump, at all. Most women would be crying tears of joy at that, right?

I'm so glad that it looks like you won't have your LO in the NICU for long! I don't have any advice for when he come home, since I'm waiting patiently for that day to come, too However, I completely understand the feelings you are having. I'm glad to know I'm not alone in feeling these things.

@eadams08 Oh my...congratulations on the birth of your son!  I hope he is doing alright as that is definitely even earlier than my little guy was expected!  Not having a baby bump is WEIRD.  It does make me sad, too and I have definitely shed my fair share of tears over the past 8 days (who's counting, right??).  I will say it has gotten better in terms of being able to cope with what happened.  Spending my days with my little guy helps, but it's always hard to leave at the end of the day.  We have NICview, so I can watch him 24/7 on live feeds which makes it slightly easier when I am not there with him, unless I see something wrong (him ripping off his goggles or oxygen, or crying hysterically) I called the NICU at 5 a.m. this morning because he was under the lights without his goggles on!  At any rate, I hope you are coping better with your feelings, but certainly feel free to PM if you want to chat any more about it