How involved is your SO?

OnceInLoveWithAmy

I was discussing with the hubs yesterday about how involved he was going to be in our TTC journey.  He basically said he  didn't want to know anything until I got a positive pee stick.  I feel like I shouldn't be doing ALL the work.  I was thinking about downloading FF on his phone and making him record my temps, at least.  

Anyone else get their SO involved?  Where does your SO stand on the whole TTC front?

janda426

OnceInLoveWithAmy said:

I was thinking about downloading FF on his phone and making him record my temps, at least.

You're joking, right?

lilly1096

I hope you're joking.

DH only wants to know when the stick turns +.

And that's fine by me.

mchupie

The first time around he wanted to know everything about charting and had me explain and keep him updated with the temp & CM of the day. At this point it's so routine I usually don't bother to tell him anything until after I've ovulated.

Back in the 80s, MIL took her temp and FIL charted it on graph paper. How far we've come lol

iliketurtles17

My husband is very involved, most involved in the bedroom. He's pretty adorable. He took my MC in December pretty hard, and he's extremely excited to be trying again. Every time we have sex, we high-five, and then he asks if I feel pregnant. He seems to think I'll "know" like in Hot Tub Time Machine. hehe

Edit: He doesn't help with tracking my cycles. I don't need help with that. His job is to just show his enthusiasm and be involved that way. 

chaysefaith

His involvement goes as far as shooting his sperm all up inside me.

He did ask me if I was ovulating the other day, but it was the first time he's ever asked.

Please don't make your SO chart your temps. That's weird.

iliketurtles17

SNLT1012 said:

His involvement goes as far as shooting his sperm all up inside me. He did ask me if I was ovulating the other day, but it was the first time he's ever asked. Please don't make your SO chart your temps. That's weird.

Agreed. 

chaysefaith

Andplusalso. Even if you DO make him chart your temps you can't force him to learn what any of it means. Or care, for that matter.

Gigi0308

DH is as involved as having sex and wanting to know when I get a BFP. Since we have been TTC, he has asked a few questions, and I didn't even expect him to do that.

I temp and check CM, and I don't really see it as hard work.

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divinemsbee

Mine jacked it in a cup the other day and drove like a race car driver to get it to the lab within the time limit, so he's pretty involved (BTW, results are normal. I don't have numbers yet, but that's good news).

My H has always been pretty involved, and he's the guy who would totally track my temps on his phone. But that's because he wants to, not because I'd make him. He also doesn't mind scheduled sex. And he's really never minded it (I text Code: Solid Smiley when I get peak OPKs so he knows what's coming). He's a goal oriented guy, so he'll do what needs to be done.

At the point where you're just having sex to try to make a baby, I wouldn't force anything that he's not wild about. At this point, my H is involved because we're going to have other medical stuff going down, and if I have appointments he's going to want to be there if he can be. So we've kissed the surprise goodbye.

Milagros315

MrsRexManing said:

He puts his P in my V.

Damn. Mine doesn't even do that :P

12chachacha

He knows I temp and asks about it sometimes. He has also patiently listened to me explain stuff I learned from the FF tutorial and what it all means - I didn't know any of this stuff and thought it was super interesting. That's pretty much it. I wouldn't ask him to log the numbers in - I'm not sure what the purpose of that would be.

NerdyLucy

DH asks questions. He asks where I am in my cycle, when I'll be peeing on sticks, etc. He listens if I complain, and seems genuinely interested. I try not to talk a lot about it so not to burn us both out, but he actually seems to want to know what's up.

BabyCowbell

He knows how it all works and occasionally will look over my shoulder to see the chart. The thermometer wakes him up but he doesn't complain, so that's helpful I suppose. We absolutely schedule sex, it works for us. He mostly just wants me to tell him what to do and when, since I'm more knowledgeable on the subject. So I think he's as involved as he could be but he doesn't have FF on his phone

pippacricket

NerdyLucy said:

DH asks questions. He asks where I am in my cycle, when I'll be peeing on sticks, etc. He listens if I complain, and seems genuinely interested. I try not to talk a lot about it so not to burn us both out, but he actually seems to want to know what's up.

This is pretty much my DH. 

ecubaby19

I think its normal for men to not be quite as involved. DP has been great so far but is overly confident that TTC isn't a long process. I know otherwise! So far he asks if I've taken my temperature in the morning everyday and I'm pleased that he has taken some interest!

wintersong139

I tell him when it is a good time to make a sperm deposit in the baby bank. That's pretty much it. Why would I wake him up at stinking five in the morning to record a temp? I do keep a paper chart in our closet in case he wants to look at it (I am a charting FIEND), but to be honest I am never sure that he has.

Well, I guess he also does a GREAT job encouraging me. When I am feeling discouraged, he is indefatigable. That is his secondary role. ;-)

jrcalhoun

@onceinlovewithamy

You're a regular newb around here, please don't post and run away when people confront you with real life questions.

Segoody

Mine is super excited..he probably would have liked to have started about 9 years ago...but he doesn't feel comfortable knowing all the intricacies of my body. It's sexier for him not to know everything...and that's super important with the increased need for him to perform! 

He shows his enthusiasm in other ways. He refuses to let me clean the cat litter anymore. Very sweet.

Segoody

Oh, and remember that FF is interesting because it's OUR body and science is fun! It's not as cool when you're looking at someone else's stats. Can't blame someone else for not getting as excited as you/I/we all are with our own business.

liladelphia215

My H is not involved at all. In fact, he doesn't talk about TTC at all. I just try to steer our timing.. but he doesn't want to know about O.

hullabalou

H knows when I am ovulating because we both have pretty low drives so if I am jumping his bones more than once a week or so he assumes that I am close to O. He has gotten a lot more interested in understanding the process since my first loss.


Also, if I asked him to chart my temps he would think I was a weirdo and ignore me.

PinkRoses53

My H thinks I am overthinking everything by charting, drinking, pom, green tea, etc when ttc.  His involvement goes as far as being available and willing for sex whenever.  He made it clear last time that he doesn't want to know when I am ovulating since that makes it less fun.  He does listen when I talk about charting and stuff but I am pretty sure he is just being polite!

OnceInLoveWithAmy

To be clear, I wouldn't "force" him into anything. But I did say something to him about it and he actually seemed interested. We will see how long it lasts.

OnceInLoveWithAmy

jrcalhoun said:

@onceinlovewithamy

You're a regular newb around here, please don't post and run away when people confront you with real life questions.

Sorry, didn't mean to post and run. I am at work, and things got crazy busy out of nowhere. Totally unintentional.

AuroraP725

My husband is super involved. He goes to all my IVF appointments and will be providing the jizz-in-a-cup for our test tube baby incubation.

pippacricket

OnceInLoveWithAmy said:

I feel like I shouldn't be doing ALL the work.  I was thinking about downloading FF on his phone and making him record my temps, at least. 

OnceInLoveWithAmy said:

To be clear, I wouldn't "force" him into anything. But I did say something to him about it and he actually seemed interested. We will see how long it lasts.

Why couldn't you just say he seemed interested from the beginning? It wasn't clear because you said you were thinking about making him record your temps.  

Eta bold/underline 

carabassa27

Considering we're not TTC yet and he already asks if I'm ovulating and if I'm in my luteal phase yet, I'd say he's fairly involved. I show him my chart once in awhile. If it looks like we had sex a couple days before O he gets excited and shouts MAYBE THERE'S A BABY!! And I say, "Yes...but...you pulled out, so..." So no, there's not a baby.

@AuroraP725 I had to love tit your post, because of YOLT. I guffawed a little.

mommy2C

H is involved in so far as he will have sex as much as I want during my fertile week and occasionally I'll tell him if I have a a positive opk but that is about it. He is supportive though and doesn't freak out if I do discuss it.

janda426

FINEdoubleLINE said:

He will be checking your CM and CP with is peen... So, that is something.

H says he can feel when my cervix is low cause he bumps into it. When I explained CP to him it was like I answered the million dollar question for him to why sometimes he bumps into something down there and other times he doesn't.

jrcalhoun

FINEdoubleLINE said:

He will be checking your CM and CP with is peen... So, that is something.

AY O

nowsgood

Yeahhhhh I agree, don't force your DH to do that... It really isn't his responsibility. My DH just likes to know when he can have sex, lol. He is super sweet and will listen to me ramble on and on about my temps/chart/PS, but he mostly cares about sex and 2 pink lines.

PrimRoseMama

We are TTA for some time. However, when we TTC DS H was interested in sex & testing. Granted, I didn't temp but one cycle & never used OPK.

He'd wait with me after I POAS.

babeRN101

My DH thought that we would get KTFU the first time we had sex after I skipped my first BC pill... So his sex-ed info is limited. He also was weirded out that I had to use my pee for the OPKs.....He's a special squirrel indeed. 

He basically knows I temp to monitor ovulation and pee on some sticks every now and then. That's bout it!

YellowBag

He makes sure our insurance processes my medical bills correctly. He helps me budget for a baby, and now potentially for an RE. He called my friend to come for the weekend when yet another bfn got me down. He does his best to keep sex fun, even when I O late and we would both rather watch food network. He is always willing to listen and knows enough to jointly make decisions that effect our growing family. To say that I do all the work because I pee on things and record my own temps would just be false.

4RingCircus

DH is so happy about all the sex that he puts up with listening to my predictions based on CM & frustrations about not ovulating yet. But that's about it. @babeRN101‌ "special squirrel" I really like that one, I might have to steal it IRL.

Wine&Cupcakes

Originally DH didn't want to know anything because he didn't want the pressure. But, having a metabolic disorder that requires treatment for TTC and pregnancy, he had to get involved. Just today he had a DNA sequence done and we went to our first appointment together with my metabolic team.

Our laid back, "whatever happens, happens" approach turned into a pretty planned sequence of events. He's rolling with the punches.

I sometimes tell him about temps, etc. I didn't think he ever listened until one day he dropped an egg on the kitchen floor and the whites started oozing out - he asked me if it was my cervical mucous. So, there's that.

OnceInLoveWithAmy

trista9284 said:

OnceInLoveWithAmy said:

I feel like I shouldn't be doing ALL the work.  I was thinking about downloading FF on his phone and making him record my temps, at least. 

OnceInLoveWithAmy said:

To be clear, I wouldn't "force" him into anything. But I did say something to him about it and he actually seemed interested. We will see how long it lasts.

Why couldn't you just say he seemed interested from the beginning? It wasn't clear because you said you were thinking about making him record your temps.  

Eta bold/underline 

Ahh, perhaps "having him record temps" would have been better wording. I am not going to put a gun to his head and scream " ENTER IN 96.86 GODDAMMIT!!!"

And I didn't say anything to him until after I had posted this. I guess it's not that strange to get my husband involved because I know him personally, and knew that it wouldn't be *that* big of a deal to him.

ImJessesGirl

I think y DH wouldn't know what in the hell to do with a fertility chart, lol. I mean, he could figure it out, but it just doesn't seem necessary. I tell him when we gotta get it on, we do it, he makes a joke about an egg, and that's that.

katie0919

With my son we just decided to go for it, and didn't really have to "try" before it happened, so that one was easy. This time around, it's been harder. He is interested to know when it's my FW and when I get pos OPK's, because just like @mrskbuck, we both have fairly low drives (I chalk it up to being in our mid-30's, with a 2 yr old, and two full time jobs)....so if we are DTD any other day than Friday or Saturday, it's pretty obvious it's "that time", haha. 

He is supportive and listens when I need him, and is willing to have sex on demand. That is great and all I would expect anyway. Asking him to chart my temps would be redic.