More than one?

perfectlove09

Obviously a lot of our Dec '12 bumpies are pregnant again. How do you do it? I'm so incredibly terrified by the thought of trying to rangle two little ones to the store, to the bath, to bed...to eat. How does it work. I'm genuinely curious. I've always wanted more than one but I'm such a perfectionist that I think I'd have a hard time letting go of somethings in order to have another. Like photos, I have this weird obsession with thinking we have to do the newborn, 6 month, 12 month, 18...etc. I wonder if I'd be able to keep that up with two.

How do you STM do it that already have more than one child? I already feel so disorganized since I had Alivia that I don't know what I'd do lol with another.
I'd love to hear stories, advice, etc...:-)

perfectlove09

That sounds weird...I don't mean I'm worried about another one because of photos. But anything, like trying to get nap schedules down and just the day to day stuff. Plus I work full time so that's part of it.

jac409

I can't tell you because we aren't there yet, but I wonder the same thing all the time. Especially about naps. I also wonder how I will breastfeed with a crazy toddler running around. I remember being glued to the couch for long periods of time and I have no idea how I will manage that. But, people do it all the time, so I suppose we will have to figure it out. I look forward to hearing what others have to say who have more than one already.

mylittleladies1229

I have twins as a FTM and you just have to relax and let it fall apart sometimes! It won't be perfect and things will not always go as you have them planned.  Aspects of our lives are more difficult with having two, but there are aspects that are easier since the two are the same age.

perfectlove09

The breast feeding! Yes. I was stuck on the couch alllll day long with a button up jammy top that was never buttoned lol. And Alivia is still nursing so that has to be hard too.

minervacullen

Yeah I'm not a good example of having more than one. My house is always trashed, I miss sleep, I usually cry at least once a day, and bed time takes about 2 hours. But, my kids are happy and loved and I couldn't imagine my life without them.
I have friends with perfect houses, smooth bed times, always chipper... They're obviously on drugs or aliens.

aelhunt

I'm terrified at times honestly. But it's all about routine in my house. I feel DD has an AMAZING routine and sleeps without fail 12 hrs a night. So I know by 7 it'll be just the new LO until he STTN. The only time I really freak out is when DD is sick and I think about having to take two to the dr. I HATE waiting rooms and entertaining a toddler while waiting.

SingleMom31

I'm a little scared too, honestly.  Some days, I don't feel like I have it together at all and we're adding a second one to the mix.  And, I worry about random stuff too - Like, which bedroom to put our rocker in (DD's since we still rock her to sleep most nights or new baby's since we're probably use it more in there).  But, it's a little late to turn back now...

JessAnnJ

I'm definitely scared too. I was talking to a mom with two kids at a restaurant about a month ago and she asked if we planned to have more kids. I told her actually I'm pregnant now. She said she wished she had her girls closer together. She said when you have a second child it's like starting over and it's better to do that when it's still fresh. It feels like less of a step back.

What helps me is that my DH is very helpful and does a lot. I think some things will be easier because we have been through them before and other things we will just get through because we have to just like we did last time.

perfectlove09

This helps to ease my mind and believe that it is possible. I know people do it all the time but it just seems so overwhelming at times. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one out that that just doesn't have their shit together lol. Like I said before I'm super organized and this little girl has just pulled the rug out from under me and its hard for me to let go of somethings. I'm trying. I'm going to have to try harder.

aelhunt

@perfectlove09‌ I think having them close together will be hard the first year....no doubt. But all the women I know say it's easier after bc they play together and are doing a lot of the same things. Like what @JessAnnJ‌ said.

*LrCg*

I'm pregnant with my 4th and when the baby is born I will have 4 under 5 years old.  Honestly I think women/parents just over stress about this issue- really it does work out.  Our family motto- teamwork makes dreams work (seriously my 5 year old will repeat this)!  You just have to prepared and work together.  I remember my DH's friends saying once we had kids the cooking, cleaning, lunch packing would all stop and you know what it hasn't.  I still quick clean every other day (which involved wiping down counter tops/bathrooms & vacuuming the floors), scrub the house once a week, do the meals every day and pack lunches (on work days).  Of course, we also do homework lessons (we do homework starting at age 2 but will send our kids out to school for kindergarten and the rest of their education) and have TONS of fun with each other!  It just all works out.  You have to prepare and plan- for instance my dinners are written down on a calender at least a week in advance and right now I have most of my dinner already prepped and if you looked in a window you'd see my table was set for dinner after breakfast was over this morning (I'm currently at work so it makes it easy when we get home that most of the prep stuff is done and we eat within 20-30 minutes of being home).  For your more specific questions:

BEDTIME- a newborn, toddler and child will all have different bedtimes.  In our house newborns are in bed by 6:30pm, toddlers 7:30-8 and children 8-8:30 so its pretty easy.  I think most people forget that younger beings go to bed early! 

GROCERY STORE- Honestly the grocery store is kinda my "me time" and when the kids go to bed (I also do my weekly cleaning after bedtime), I usually go to the store (DH is home of course) or sometimes I do it on the weekend but I prefer to not have "chores" over the weekend.  There have been times that I take them all but then we turn it into a homework lesson- they have to count the food items we put in or find the word on the grocery list, etc.  It takes longer but its fun for them and really without that the grocery store isn't fun for kids

PICTURES- portrait studio pictures aren't my style so I've never done them and I figure with digital cameras we have a TON of photos (not to mention my older 2 are always taking pictures with it and they are so fun!).  We do hire a professional photographer to come to our house every year and take family pictures (well in all honestly its usually newborn/1 year pictures since we keep having them back to back).  She's there for 3-4 hours and captures some AMAZING shots! 

QUALITY TIME- I know some mothers strive to put all their kids on the same schedule- naps and lunch, etc. but I don't.  I follow my kids schedules because if they take naps at a certain time there's a reason so why try to adjust them and perhaps deal with crankiness?  Plus I like having one-on-one when I can and stagered schedules for newborns/toddlers allows that.  It does mean that I don't get a "break" during the day but it makes for happier children which makes for happier parents.  My break time is after 8:30 pm when all the kids are sleeping.  Spending 10-15 minutes of one-on-one time with each child during the day does WONDERS!! 

You also have to remember that by the time you have your baby (not sure how far along you are) you current child will be 1 1/2-2 years old- allow them to help out!  They can be responsible for picking up their toys, setting the table, putting their dishes into the sink after breakfast/lunch, etc.  They LOVE doing these types of chores around the house!  Having my kids all back to back, I've found that getting everyone/children involved is a HUGE help- they all play great together, never jealous issues.  When I was nursing, most of the time they sit up on the couch and snuggle me and the baby and we'd do books.  They just seem to understand that the needs of the baby come first (I always told them: I never allowed you to cry as a baby, we shouldn't allow the baby to cry) and unless they were hurt they put their needs aside until the baby was fed/changed/put down for nap- whatever it was. 

Best of luck, it really will all work out!! 

jsoubel

I'm just going to say it: you are justified to be intimidated by having two little kids.  I'm on maternity leave with DD2.  How do I do it with a 16 month old, too?  She goes to daycare every day.  We have to pay for it anyway, and it stresses me the F out to have them both.  My first day with both the girls, DD1 had a fever and was sick.  It worked out, and every other day when I've been home alone with both of them has worked out, but it's hard.  It's not a lot of fun constantly balancing both girls' needs, but it's doable and there are moments of fun and moments of abject sorrow each day.  Lol.  

Get a carrier/sling that LO2 likes, and you can get most things accomplished and keep LO1 happy at the same time.  My DH is also a huge help, concentrating on taking care of DD1.  But like *LrCg* says, you have to stagger things so everyone gets fed, gets naps, and gets bath time if you are the primary caregiver for both children.

And here's a little light at the end of the tunnel: I haven't broken down crying...yet, and DD2 is 6 weeks old.  

perfectlove09

@*LrCg* That was so helpful. Really. I guess it's obvious that I'm pg although I didn't say that specifically in my post. I just found out 2 days ago. we are so unprepared for this. DH's job is changing in August. basically he's getting laid off and we're trying to sort through our options. I have a full time job but it's commission so it's rough at times. We've always had a difficult time financially, we were never taught well by our parents and we're still trying to dig out of stupid mistakes. It's reassuring to know that you obviously work out side of the home and take care of 3/4 kids. Do you do daycare? Our Mom's watch Alivia now. You had some really great advice, thank you.

@jsoubel thank you too. This was helpful as well. I'm so scared it's crazy. I just always thought that I'd at least have Alivia sleeping (She still wakes all night long) and potty trained (no progress on that front). we are in a two bedroom rental but I'm surprisingly not worried about that. For how "traditional"  I seem to feel I need to be I don't mind that baby #2 (I still can't wrap my head around that) will be in our room for a long time.

OH man...

*LrCg*

perfectlove09  I realize I wrote you a novel but I just like to reassure Moms that its going to be okay and not to freak out!  I found when I was pregnant with my first everyone only wanted to share horror stories of birth and when I had a baby and got pregnant with our 2nd (they are 16 months apart) everyone wanted to say how awful, sleep deprived and out of control everything would be (I can remember having very similar questions you asked).  Guess what- none of it came true!  I'm glad I blocked it all out and just did what I'm comfortable with- TRUST YOURSELF.  I'm not a Wonderwoman- I'm just a regular Mom.  I worked full time with my first 2 then dropped down to part time a year prior to having my 3rd.  So our kids do daycare when we work (we do keep them out of daycare when I'm on maternity leave)- we don't have outside family help and we do homebirths so there's no resting for this Momma we jump right into it (lol)!  It really was being prepared and planning everything that was the KEY for US. 

I second a PP about wearing your newborn/baby.  I have a Baby Ktan that I LOVE!!  I used it from the newborn stage on up and what I loved about it is it was super comfortable and VERY easy and fast to put on while wrangling a toddler and the bonus that there was no access fabric tangling (great when you're running around the park).  I also wanted to clarify my statement of homework at 2 years old- yes that's when we work on things like letter tracing, counting, workbooks, etc.  In all honesty the reason why I did it was not necessarily the education aspect but it was because it was a way to get my 2 year old boy to sit down and we would work together while the baby napped and it kinda was like a sneaky break for me

I know it's very common to doubt on whether having another baby so soon will take anything away from your first but please trust me when I say it won't.  Your giving them a gift and its a great gift!  I love having my kids all back to back- they are all super close and just learned early on to work as a team.  Best Wishes!

perfectlove09

Babar78 said:

perfectlove09  Congrats on your little one! 

Thank you :-)
I wish my husband was happier. He's incredibly freaked out and pretty upset but I can't think of the alternative.

perfectlove09

@*lrcg* I appreciate what you wrote :-) I don't mind the book. I'm certainly scared. I'll have to learn to let go of things, a lot of things. But mostly I'm afraid for my DH. He's really unprepared for this. (We do use protection and I swear to you it was ONE time we didn't....) He's always been a bit negative about things as it is so this just feels like the worst possible thing in the world to him...great huh?

I was curious about the homework at 2 lol but that makes sense now. I like the idea actually.
I think if we can get a few things under control right now then I can show him that it's not that bad. I hope.

jac409

Congrats @perfectlove09‌ ! Is that a pretty recent pic of your LO? Mine still has about the same amount of hair (or lack thereof). My DH has a strict no pictures of the baby on the internet rule or I would post one.

JessAnnJ

@perfectlove09‌ I think everyone goes through moments of panic before baby comes. Give yourself and DH some time to let it sink in. I experienced this with DD as well. Big life changes are scary.

perfectlove09

jac409 said:

Congrats @perfectlove09‌ ! Is that a pretty recent pic of your LO? Mine still has about the same amount of hair (or lack thereof). My DH has a strict no pictures of the baby on the internet rule or I would post one.

Thanks :-)
It was her 1 year photo shoot so 4 months ago. She's FINALLY got just a little more than that now. lol its taking forever for hers to come in also.

raraavis28

jessnicolodi said:

I have twins as a FTM and you just have to relax and let it fall apart sometimes! It won't be perfect and things will not always go as you have them planned.  Aspects of our lives are more difficult with having two, but there are aspects that are easier since the two are the same age.

This goes for me too.....motherhood has always been a juggling act so I don't know any differently. I've learned to let a lot of things go, but have also surprised myself w/ how "together" we keep things as a whole. As I've told other twin moms-to-be, you'll make it work b/c you'll have to....same goes for 2u2. Good luck and congratulations!!!

SingleMom31

perfectlove09‌ Congrats!  I hope that your husband comes around soon too.  When I told DH, his response was "Did you know that we have three times as much storage space with this new DVR?" (Comcast had been out that day.)  He's since come around.  I think sometimes it takes guys longer to process stuff like that.

I'm glad too that I'm not alone in the slightly freaked out club.  I'm looking forward to you ladies being around as it gets closer and I need to be talked down when I'm freaking out about oh-so-trivial stuff.

 

Fullcircle06

Aw, congrats, @perfectlove09! That's so awesome. I can't speak from personal experience, but my sister had 2u2 and this is what she said: Some days are wonderful and they go exactly how you want them to, and others are so chaotic and you live with them. You just do what you can, and get help if/when you can. I figure if all these other mamas can do, why can't we, right? You'll do great. It really will be ok. My sister and I are pretty much exactly 2 yrs apart, and it was awesome growing up w/that age difference. Plus, you already have most of what you need.  

perfectlove09

Awe you are all really making me feel better about this. I'm honestly not sure it has sunk in yet. I have so much on my plate with work and Alivia and now DHs job that this just doesn't feel real. And I don't feel pregnant lol. Which I know I didn't at this point last time but I so remember the feeling of being pregnant since it was so recently that I just don't believe I am...does that make any sense?

I think it will be ok. DH has always been a pretty negative nancy so this shouldn't surprise me but he's told me a few times now that he wishes I wasn't pregnant...gee thanks.

SebsMum

Congrats, @perfectlove!  We just got our BFP too, and we're in the same boat of shitting ourselves/being excited.  It's just that we really know how much work and effort a baby entails now.  However, we also know that there's light at the end of the tunnel.  Seb became less constantly stressful around 4 months, so we figure we'll just put our heads down, power through the first few months, and then reap the benefits of having two children fairly close in age who are constantly company for each other.  Talking to other parents has made me feel better about acknowledging the hard work bits of parenting instead of always celebrating the miracle of children, so to speak. :P

perfectlove09

bloomraiser said:

*AHEM* that's negative nelly, thankyouverymuch!!

Sorry your DH is being negative. My DH is over the moon, but it's not helping me any.

Hey, maybe you had it right after all.

Lol no offence intended negative nelly it can be.

Ok...I'm going to go throw up now.

ChevelleRivers

I have a similar personality type. While I know that it's good for me to learn to let some things go, I want to be realistic about what I can handle. I want to make sure I'm not so crazed that I can't enjoy a second child. Because of this we have decided to wait until DD is 2.5 to start trying for another baby (ensuring she is at least 3 before baby actually arrives). I want DD to be potty trained, pretty independent and also able to be a "helper," at least to some extent. I do have moments of baby fever where I would love to get pregnant again tomorrow, but I know that timing would be too hard on me.

perfectlove09

ChevelleRivers said:

I have a similar personality type. While I know that it's good for me to learn to let some things go, I want to be realistic about what I can handle. I want to make sure I'm not so crazed that I can't enjoy a second child. Because of this we have decided to wait until DD is 2.5 to start trying for another baby (ensuring she is at least 3 before baby actually arrives). I want DD to be potty trained, pretty independent and also able to be a "helper," at least to some extent. I do have moments of baby fever where I would love to get pregnant again tomorrow, but I know that timing would be too hard on me.

I was hoping DD1 would have been potty trained, sleeping in a toddler bed and maybe even in pre-k before we had another. But. Right now #1 is actually very helpful. If she even sees me cleaning she comes over to help, the other day she helped me put away every single grocery which was fun. She's very attached to me when I'm around which is fine and that's the only thing I'm worried about. I don't want her sad when I'll be taking care of #2. I'll have to make her as involved as possible.

MrsBigTime

Congratulations @perfectlove09‌! I totally feel you about wanting DD1 to be older, but, give yourself a moment to breathe and relax because you still have time! The Dec 2012 babies are nearly 1.5 years old, and you still have 9 months before LO2 is here - DD1 will be so much different by then! She may very well be in a toddler bed (we're thinking to transition within the next 4 - 6 months) and may very well be potty trained. Also, in my area, part-day preschool starts at 2 years old, so you may have options for that, too.

DH wasn't working (well, he worked retail part-time) when we had DD, which was NOT the plan, but it ended up working beautifully because we didn't need a babysitter or nanny until she was 10 months old! You DH being laid off is obviously not a part of the plan, but their are often huge blessings disguised as scary surprises!!

Best of luck to you!

ChevelleRivers

perfectlove09 said:

I have a similar personality type. While I know that it's good for me to learn to let some things go, I want to be realistic about what I can handle. I want to make sure I'm not so crazed that I can't enjoy a second child. Because of this we have decided to wait until DD is 2.5 to start trying for another baby (ensuring she is at least 3 before baby actually arrives). I want DD to be potty trained, pretty independent and also able to be a "helper," at least to some extent. I do have moments of baby fever where I would love to get pregnant again tomorrow, but I know that timing would be too hard on me.

I was hoping DD1 would have been potty trained, sleeping in a toddler bed and maybe even in pre-k before we had another. But. Right now #1 is actually very helpful. If she even sees me cleaning she comes over to help, the other day she helped me put away every single grocery which was fun. She's very attached to me when I'm around which is fine and that's the only thing I'm worried about. I don't want her sad when I'll be taking care of #2. I'll have to make her as involved as possible.

That's great that she is so helpful!! As with the attention, I totally get it. I would worry about the same thing. However, I think MrsBigTime makes a good point when she says #1 will be a totally different child in 9 months. Lot's of growing and maturing will happen in the time!