Advice Please

plus12012

I recently found out that DD's B-Mom has gotten into some trouble and has had the bio children that she has removed. I am definitely an understanding person and I know that everyone makes mistakes. However, she has a case open with the place that I work (forgive me for being vague but, I have to be careful how I word this). Part of what I saw in the case is that she has missed multiple court dates. We have not heard from her for months (now I know why) but, out of the blue she contacted me yesterday and wants a visit with DD. We've never had a problem with setting up a visit when she asks, I am just a little hesitant about it this time. She doesn't actually know where I work so she would have no idea that I know what is going on with her life and it hasn't ever been a problem. But I am now in a complete dilemma I don't know if set up a visit, knowing she is not at the best place in life right now and knowing that my agency is looking for her or just wait for a little while before we set up a visit.

tbarker14

I'm actually a lurker from another board. I don't know your history but isn't that a a big conflict of interest for you to be working at a place where you have got your daughter from?
I don't mean to be insensitive or anything but my husband is a child care worker. We wanted to foster/adopt in our area since so many kids need a home. We can't as its a conflict of interest of course. (doesn't mean we can't adopt or foster from another agency where there is no direct contact of information like what happened with you).
We live in a remote community so hence we couldn't use another agency (my husband is working at the only place here that deals with children).
I'm not sure what I would do in this case because I really can see the conflict. I would talk to your boss at work and let them know your DD's b-mom has contacted you.
Since you are aware of this situation but you don't want to do anything wrong. And see what they say.
The reason I say to talk to your boss is because I assume they know you would know what's going on and that if you are unsure of what to do you would ask.
I would seriously consider asking not to be involved or to hear news through your agency in regards to your DD's birth mom. Just to avoid putting yourself in this situation again.
Good luck with your decision on what to do. It really is a lousy position to be in.

Dr.Loretta

I would wait. I wouldn't have a problem with sending her some updates, but actual visits I'd try to put off until seeing some resolutions, if that's in the cards.

plus12012

@tbarker14‌ the agency that I adopted my daughter from and where I work are not at all connected. This was just one of those coincidences that life throws your way.

tbarker14

Sorry for the assumptions... 

like you said life throws those coincidences your way.. it sucks being in a position where you are unsure of what to do. 

I think its admirable that you are seeking out advice.. hopefully the wonderful ladies on this board can help out. 

I do agree with the previous post ... do what is best for your adorable daughter. 

CaptainSerious

Do you have an obligation to your employer or otherwise through your job to turn her in if you know where she is? If so, I'd avoid all contact right now so you don't have to get into that situation. If not, I agree with everyone else, decide based on if you think your daughter can be safe in a visit with her. The visit may not only be important for your daughter, but could also be a grounding force for her BM.