Time outs?

TJ1979

Does anyone here use time outs?  What age did you start using them?

The nanny told us that she isn't doing time outs per se, but when the kids start to melt down, she is placing them in a specific place to "take a break" and calm down.  E is 21 months, the other child is 30 months.  She said it has been working well.  When they start to totally lose it, she will carry them to the spot, sit them down, tell them that they need to sit down, take a break, and calm down.  She keeps them sitting in the spot for about 1 minute or until they can calm down a little bit.

I had thought E was too young for this, but I tried it last night when she was on a rampage biting me and hitting me in the face with her shoes.  (Isn't she my sweet angel!)  I had her sit down and "take a break."  When she calmed down, I talked to her and told her that biting and hitting aren't nice, and they hurt, so we don't bite and hit other people.  I had her say that she was sorry and then give me a hug.  We then went back to the couch where we were trying to read a book, and she was perfectly nice.  Can she really understand that at her age?  Or is it just the change of scenery and distraction that gets her out of her funk?

Is this okay "discipline" at her age?  She isn't facing the wall or anything that gives this a negative connotation, just removing from the situation.  What does SAIF think?

wille2b

She is the perfect age for this kind of discipline. Its just reminding her that when you act out you are removed from the situation until you can calm down. She will eventually remember that there are consequences and make different choices This is exactly what we do and the twins are only 18 months old. They don't totally get it  but it helps the situation settle

Mr. & Mrs. Woodtick

We started timeouts at 18 months so I think at 21 months she is ready. Little man is 25 months now and if given the choice between doing something we've asked him to do or going to timeout, he chooses to listen. I would I say it hAs a been a great success for us.

TJ1979

Oh good!  Thanks everyone.  She's definitely at an age where she is testing us at every opportunity.  I'm glad to know we aren't the only ones.  My parents never used time outs, just spanking.  But it seems really counter-intuitive to teach a kid not to hit by hitting them.  (Not starting a spanking debate here.)

Ruthie04

This is exactly what we do. In fact, I just did it because DS1 went up to DS2 who was still in the high chair and threw his plate of food across the floor. He totally gets it and will sometimes put himself in the spot if I tell him an action warrants time out. I set a timer for one minute, which he hasn't quite gotten yet. DS2 has only needed true time out once, but I do put him in a safe part of the living room during the physical temper tantrums.

My mom encourages me to use corporal punishment when DS1 bites/ hits, but I'm with you on thinking it doesn't make much sense. With all those years of teaching parenting classes to foster parents (you cannot use it with children in care), I feel like I need to practice what I preached. Besides, it never worked on me or DH. So, we use time out for now and it does help.

kbeach82

I think it's perfectly appropriate for E at her age. We started "time-outs" for DS1 around that age, but also approached it more from a "taking a break" perspective than any sort of punishment. He has always responded well to being given an opportunity to calm down before we have any kind of discussion about inappropriate behavior.

TJ1979

@chiwifey‌ It's still a work in progress. But I sort of super nanny it. I set her down and tell her she needs to take a break. Then I take a step back. The first time she gets up, she gets told no, you need to sit down and take a break for one minute. Each consecutive time I just pick her up and place her back in the spot with no words. I guess I need to get some sort of timer so she can learn time frame.

Ruthie04

TJ1979 said:

@chiwifey‌ It's still a work in progress. But I sort of super nanny it. I set her down and tell her she needs to take a break. Then I take a step back. The first time she gets up, she gets told no, you need to sit down and take a break for one minute. Each consecutive time I just pick her up and place her back in the spot with no words. I guess I need to get some sort of timer so she can learn time frame.

This exactly!

Robeano

I agree with PP, I imagine I'll be doing something similiar when Hannah is older.

carrera317

I know it's a hard thing to realize that A. Your munchkin is old enough and B. You need to discipline to maintain sanity! You are doing the right thing though at the right age. My son is 4 now and we have done 1 min for each year of age over the past few years when he needed to "take a break and sit by the fridge". Everyone has a fridge right?! Keep up the good work and remember to talk w your nanny and othe caretakers about keeping the discipline consistent. We have found that's almost more important than the discipline itself.

itsmevkb

I've started time outs right around 18 months with all four kids.  We have a stair that they go sit down on and they can get up once they've calmed down/stopped crying/are ready to do whatever it is they weren't wanting to do, etc.  It has worked very well for us, to the point that sometimes the kids will get upset and will go sit themselves on the stair without me even having to say anything!  It's not necessarily punishment, but helping them to learn how to self-soothe and calm themselves down.

CarrieB.

We do the count backwards from 5 to calm which is very effective especially if you are somewhere you can't do a time out like the car. Watch a few episodes of Peg + Cat on PBS for examples. She does it in every episode.

boymomstrong

We started time out for the same things, hitting and biting, we do them one min for every year old, so for now we doing 90 seconds, and then talk it out and hug and go back to playing just the same, we been doing this for a couple months and it works...
Most times i say, "do we need a time out to think ab things? Or will you stop hitting/biting/throwing toys?" And he says, "no mommy" and normally stops, sometimes i count, i say, "stop _____ 1, 2, 3, ok time for a time out." And then we break, both are good methods and give him time to think ab his actions and decide for him self...

I thunk your doing everything right! Good luck!