visitors at the hospital???

rah621

I'm due September 29th. This is my second pregnancy from a second marriage. My first time around was 13 years ago. I allowed visitors and I felt over whelmed and anxious with all the people in and out. Not to mention some were kinda not really wanted to begin with. This time around I have tried to convince my husband that I do not want visitors with the exception of my parents and his parents and my 13 year old daughter. We have two very large families (had 450 people at our wedding!) And I can see this getting out of hand and me feeling frustrated while i should be bonding with our new child. My husband feels that we should allow anyone to visit. Does anyone else feel this way? Or am I alone? How would you approach this situation in letting everyone know your wishes?

lookame3639

I have discussed this situation with FI. I let him know when I had DS they all spent time passing him around and I didnt get to hold him until after his bath(about an hour to an hour and a half after I gave birth) then I held him for about an hour and he had to be taken to the NICU due to irregular breathing. I also am in a certain state of shock after I give birth and need time to come to my senses.

I think FI was upset at first but when he heard the expirience I had the first time he got over it an agreed that we need time to spend with her and to bond with her before she gets passed from person to person. I get it...a new life is certainly exciting and everyone wants to see and hold them but in the first 24 hours i feel it's important for mom and dad to spend that time bonding instead of endless family members who in the end won't be caring for the infant.

My suggestion is to really sit your husband down and discuss your concerns with him. Come up with a plan that satisfies both of your needs. Perhaps he wants people to come see the new baby so tell him since you'll be the one doing all the work to please let you have some time to get to feeling a little better, maybe let you shower and eat something and take a nap before visitors arrive and then cap the visitors at a certain number. Also ask that he have visitors ask before just arriving to the hospital so you know who's coming and not just caught by surprise.

cole2144

Your labor, your choice. It`s the one time where you get to be selfish.

new+tothis

I'm with you. We had our parents visit in the hospital and that's it. I'm so glad we did it that way! It was restful and I felt like I got to bond. We had a sip and see a few weeks later for everyone to meet the baby. I just didn't tell most people where we were. We let our parents know that they were welcome to visit us in the hospital but that we wouldn't be having other visitors. I think they passed that info on.

Wahoo

You are the patient, so ultimately what you say goes.  

Talk to the hospital - sometimes they only allow visitors for certain times during the day.  That might provide you with a much-needed break.

I would also talk it over with your husband.  Explain to him that you might be exhausted, hormonal, and that you will need your sleep in order to meet the challenges of being the mom of a newborn all over again.

If this is his first child, he might be very excited to show off LO.  If your child is born in the summer, maybe there is a family gtg (July 4th bbq, reunion, summer party) where everyone can meet the baby?  

I would also be cautious about germs.  They discourage new parents from taking their baby out in public places (the supermarket, a sibling's school) for the first six weeks because of germs - 450 people are going to be bringing germs in with them.  That cannot be good!  

ambrvan

Tell the hospital your wishes. They will control your visitors.

I completely agree with you.

And as someone else said, this is one time you get to be selfish. You're the one squeezing a watermelon through a donut hole.

But to please your husband and family, maybe plan a meet and greet for family and friends later. Maybe several days so that you're not overwhelmed by everyone at home either. And make sure you have someone else (husband and sister/SIL/CIL for example) doing the prep work (cleaning and hosting and such).

twister22

With DS with BD there were a decent number of visitors, and I wasn't a fan of that.

With DD with DH the visitors were much fewer, and that was much preferable. I was able to just focus on DH and I bonding with DD. There is plenty of time after leaving the hospital for others to meet your new LO.

I'm not sure where you're located, but maybe you could have a fall cook out mid October if the weather's nice for others to meet the baby.

jess9802

I was adamant that there would be no waiting at the hospital while I was in labor, and that I didn't want a steady stream of visitors afterward. No one really understood this, but at least they respected it. I had not slept well the night before my induction, was sort of stunned by the delivery, couldn't sit up right thanks to the stitches, and was having a lot of problems with breastfeeding. It was really, really nice to not have to worry about modesty, or how awful I looked, or the fact that I couldn't walk to the bathroom without assistance.

Frankly, I think after seeing the labor and delivery DH understood why I didn't want the whole family having a party in the room.

Mkherren12

Would your husband be up for a set time for visitors? Like 4pm-6pm and only 3-4 people in the room at a time?

Or maybe tell all visitors to come by the house after your home?

Or a planned sip and see type thing?

I've considered both of these bc I feel the same way you do.