Looking for feedback...I think

Klavanga74

I am a little hesitant to post about this because I'm afraid I'll get some negative feedback, but I'm hoping that I'll find others in my same position.

This is baby #3, first one in 10 years.  With my last baby, I really didn't want to breastfeed.  I had nursed my daughter and it was fine.  She nursed for 9-10 months.  I didn't have any problems, but I also never felt like it made me more connected or anything like that.  I'm a really independent person who likes my space and my alone time (which you get so little of when you have an infant).  While I'm grateful that we are having number three and can't wait to meet her, I'm not one that loves being pregnant.  It may sound terribly selfish, but sharing my body is not my favorite thing.  Anyway, back to my son.  I ended up being guilted into nursing him at the hospital and ended up continuing for 9 or 10 months, like with my daughter.  It turned out that with a toddler running around, it was actually easier to nurse an infant and have a hand free for her.

This time, again, I really don't want to breastfeed.  I would like my body back to myself as soon as I can and I'm just not comfortable with the idea of it.  I'm wondering if a) does anyone else feel the same, or am I total whacko?  b) has anyone had experience with pumping only?  I am entertaining this as an option.  I do realize, obviously, that breast milk is best and I'm so careful with what I and my family eat, so I do feel a little guilt attached to formula feeding.  Pumping and feeding is twice the work.  Has anyone done it?

Thanks for the input, I'm feeling like I'm alone on this one.

JilliansMoma

I struggled with IF for over three years prior to conceiving my first DD and was told after I had her that it could impact my milk supply.  When she was born she was a NICU baby for a few days and we struggled to latch and produce.  I went to breast feeding support groups and took tons of supplements and was a wreck the first few weeks home because she was "failing to thrive". Once I started supplementing and breast feeding we were so much better off.  

When DD #2 came the lactation support at the hospital had me in tears and I vowed never to let that happen to me again.  I'm sorry lady but I have supply issues.  I supplemented with her too and she's fine.

I think BF is such a personal choice for a mom.  It's nobody's business and if you feel more comfortable pumping exclusively then do it.  Don't let anyone push you around. Pumping was really hard for me because I would spend all this time with little yield but if it works for you do it. It FF is what works for you stick with that.  So much pressure on the mom's to breast feed that's my advise to all new mom's (which obviously you're a STM) to do what's right for you and don't feel guilt or pressured to do something that doesn't work for you. I wish I had someone tell me "it was OK, she'll be fine no matter what you do" when I had DD#1.

Wow that got long sorry!

GL with your desion and you are not a wacko!

JM

Klavanga74

@JilliansMoma...Thank you!!!  I needed that!  I wish that they weren't so pushy at the hospital.  I have one close friend who chose not to BF any of her three.  She just didn't want to.  Her advice was to go in and tell them right off the bat that I don't want to and they are not to try to persuade me otherwise.  I think DH (who supports either) needs to be able to step in and speak for me as well, as you get so tired and worn down after childbirth.  Anyway, Thanks...I appreciate the support!

flyinmommy

I'm expecting number 4 and plan to exclusively bottle feed. I BF #1 for about 5 weeks and had a really rough time. We stitched to formula and everyone was happier and healthier. I know I will get the usual pressure from the hospital staff this time around but my OB is very supportive and agrees with my decision. All my kiddos were bottle fed and are happy, healthy, intelligent and well attached children. You need to do what is right for your family and only you can make that decision,

redheadedgirl

I fed both my children breast milk (for about a year and 18 months) but also went back to work after about 8 weeks so I pumped a lot.  If you decide to go this route its very doable with technology these days. I can't tell you how invaluable a medical grade pump and hands free bra are! Well worth the investment or rental fees.  It took me about half the time to pump then with the regular backpack type.

harmonicbabe26

I would say you should do what you feel will make you the happiest mom - because that will translate into how you will interact with your newest LO and the rest if the family. I know everyone keeps saying how BM is best but the reality is that it is just marginally better. If formula was truly so bad, we would have some seriously messed up kids around. As is, what matters is that the primary caregiver , the mom, has support and is mentally at 100% loving capacity. Being guilted into anything is counterproductive.

I wish I was able to fully BF my kids (I am now prego with #2) but I don't have enough gland tissue so I had to do what I had to do and my DD got some amount of formula from the get go. Otherwise she would have died of hunger. It was such a shock to find out I just wouldn't be able to provide 100% for her. I totally allowed myself to be brainwashed about how essential BF was and that there was bo other alternative... i worked like a maniac to squeeze every drop of milk I could. I felt so ashamed and worthless... and for what??
Not sure i will have the time to put so much effort in this time having an active toddler.
But you know what - at this point, who cares how i fed her? She is super happy and smart, once i got over PPD caused by this issue i was able to actually become a much better mom... Your love matters, not BM or formula...

2redtulips

This is my first, so I don't have any first-hand experience yet, but I wholeheartedly agree with @harmonicbabe26 that a happy mama is key.

To BF or not is a hugely personal choice, and I am bummed out for you that you felt so pressured at the hospital last time. The important thing is that baby eats. However you choose to feed him/her is up to you. 

MommyAtty

I'm just not doing it this time. With DD, it was terrible. I never had much supply, I was having blood pressure issues, and it just stressed me out. I will try at the hospital just for the benefits of the colostrum and to help my uterus do its thing, but we've already decided to formula feed as soon as I get home. I was so much better off formula-feeding. We ALL were, DD, DH, and me. DH borderline begged me to skip the whole BF thing because it was so miserable.

DTNZ4Ever

I FF both of my DSs from day one. I knew BF was not for me and wasn't something I felt comfortable with so I made the choice not to BF. My hospital never pressured me and my pedi was totally fine with it. I have a very healthy very smart 5yo old and my 6w old doing well so far. It is so nice to split feedings with DH which helps my mental health. Do what you want you baby will be fine as long as you feed your LO. Here is a great resource.
https://www.fearlessformulafeeder.com

Klavanga74

Thank you LOADS to everyone!  I really appreciate the support!  I found the fearless formula feeder a couple of days ago.  How awesome is that?  

Guennie

Lurking.

Like everyone said, this is such a personal decision that only you can make and as you've hopefully discovered from fff you are not alone.

I have been EPing for 5 months. I will tell you it is SO HARD. I would give anything to be able to nurse instead but my baby's latch is too severe. I could give you a few tips if you decide to go this route:

The first couple of months will be the hardest as you wait for you supply to get fully established. You will have to make sure you really keep to your schedule, pumping every 2 or 3 hours, even through the night. I started letting myself sleep through the night after 2 months.

Change your pads regularly and keep your breasts clean and dry. Know the signs of mastitis and catch it early if it hits you. I've had it twice, it's NOT FUN.

Keep your pump parts in the fridge through the day and then wash them at night before you go to bed. I really wish someone had given me this tip earlier, it would have saved me so much effort. I was washing everything after each pump.

If you get a clog, take a shower and massage the hell out of it then pump immediately. Hot compress before pumping also helps. If you are sore a cold compress after pumping also helps. I like the Lansinoh gel packs.

I'm not trying to scare you out of pumping, I don't regret that I am able to feed my baby bm, I would make the same decision again in a heartbeat, but I just want you to be prepared and know how hard it will be. I was naive and thought it would be easy.

Good luck and if you have any questions feel free to ask! I plan to keep going to 6 months then I'm letting myself stop. My body needs a break.

nikkiuk

Can I just say - what awesome replies to a potentially argumentative post! 

I do not intend to BF. I tried it with both my older kids because I was pressurized by the medical professionals and made to feel such immense guilt. I felt no other avenue was open to me. I hated it, it was incredibly painful for me (and I have a very high pain threshold) and on top of that I had a crappy supply which meant I was feeding more and more and quickly found myself in a vicious circle of pain, resentment and guilt. I have immense respect for BF'ing moms, it's fantastic... but it's not for everyone. Yet still, I am 10 weeks from having this baby and even though I am determined not to allow any brow-beating this time, the guilt is starting to build even though BF'ing hasn't even been mentioned by the docs!

2ndGeneration

Pumping and feeding sounds like a ton of work. I don't think I coud keep up with that.

 I think your friend's idea of being real straightfoward with the hospital is a good one. You're an older, experienced mom and you know what you need to do-no one should be browbeating you especially after childbirth. I feel the same way as a mom who will BF-no one should push formula on me, just as no one should push bf on you.

Karavish

I tried to BF #1 and it just flat out didn't work. I never got a milk supply at all. So I guess that makes sense- no milk= no feeding. We're now TTC with #2, and I'm not sure what I want to do. I just know I don't want a bunch of people (hospitals/doctors/friends/family) judging me when I do make the choice. It's sad that moms can be so judgmental of one another.

harmonicbabe26

Karavish said:

I tried to BF #1 and it just flat out didn't work. I never got a milk supply at all. So I guess that makes sense- no milk= no feeding. We're now TTC with #2, and I'm not sure what I want to do. I just know I don't want a bunch of people (hospitals/doctors/friends/family) judging me when I do make the choice. It's sad that moms can be so judgmental of one another.

What i think is the saddest thing is that those with no supply issues can't be openminded enough to understand that just because they had no issues, or issues that got fixed, it doesn't mean that everyone can do it. Well, not everyone can and I feel like oftentimes women are purposely NOT told that fact that some will have issues and won't be able to BF. It is more common than most will admit, even those who should be most educated, LCs and LLL, but it's not the end of the world. But if everyone keeps painting it as 'if you don't BF you are the worst' then we end up with loads of PPD and mommy wars and all kinds of BS out there... So dumb...

Klavanga74

I have to say that I'm super impressed and thankful for this group.  I agree with nikkiuk...these have been really thoughtful responses to something that could have ended up in an argument, which would have been a shame.  

I appreciate all the support.  I agree that I don't understand why us Moms end up arguing with each other over whether we work or don't work, breastfeed or don't.  We all have to make choices for our own families and what's best for them.  I'm feeling a great boost from all the responses, so THANK YOU to all of you!

MommyAtty

I wanted to update on this since I was just released from the hospital with #2. I got no push-back or judgment at all. And this from a hospital that is trying like crazy to get a special designation as a "baby friendly" hospital (aka, a breastfeeding Mecca). In fact, one nurse asked if I wanted to try breastfeeding at all, and when I said no, she said, "Okay, I asked so I can note it in your chart so everyone doesn't keep asking you that over and over again. You shouldn't feel pressured if it's not best for your family." I was pleasantly surprised. I expected at least some judgmental looks, but if anything I think the nurses were a teeny bit relieved.

DTNZ4Ever

MommyAtty said:

I wanted to update on this since I was just released from the hospital with #2. I got no push-back or judgment at all. And this from a hospital that is trying like crazy to get a special designation as a "baby friendly" hospital (aka, a breastfeeding Mecca). In fact, one nurse asked if I wanted to try breastfeeding at all, and when I said no, she said, "Okay, I asked so I can note it in your chart so everyone doesn't keep asking you that over and over again. You shouldn't feel pressured if it's not best for your family." I was pleasantly surprised. I expected at least some judgmental looks, but if anything I think the nurses were a teeny bit relieved.

I had a similar response from my nurses both time I gave birth. I feel like many times the hospitals sell themselves one way but the nurses who work there know the reality of the day to day and know it's a personal decision that most moms educate themselves on and having a nurse pressure them is not going to change their minds.

I also want to add that BF/FF came up on my month board and we had a very supportive respond just like here. It is a lot different then 5 years ago when I posted about not wanting to BF dS1 and how I was attacked. It was awful and I was just looking to see if there was anyone else who was feeling like I did.

bleusimp

I'm a postpartum nurse at a hospital that is trying to obtain a breastfeeding friendly certification. I am also still breastfeeding my first baby. although I am personally a big supporter of breastfeeding. I don't care as long as the baby gets fed. But, we are required to say certain things because of our designation whenever the patient wants to formula feed. Really the nurses don't care if you just tell them you're formula feeding we really don't care we just want the baby to be fed.

Klavanga74

@bleusimp - thanks, that is good to know and helpful!  Just curious, and I know my OB can answer this, but do people bring their formula and bottles and stuff to the hospital when they go into labor?