New here and having a very hard time

cf101009

We got out BFP on 3/17 and were so excited for our baby, due 11/26. Everything was great early on. We saw the heart beat at 6 weeks 6 days. I was measuring a couple of days behind, so they wanted me to come back in a week. I went back the following week. We heard the heartbeat this time and it was a strong 152. Then the tech told us the baby only grew a tiny bit. I was terrified and devastated at this point, but the doctor said he wasn't worried. So we waited another agonizing week to go back to check on our precious baby's growth.

We went in on Wednesday morning for an ultrasound. I had such a bad feeling from the start. The tech didn't say much and we waited for a doctor to arrive for about 45 minutes. I sobbed uncontrollably for the entire time. When the doctor arrived, I panicked because I didn't want to hear him say what I already knew. He told us there was no heartbeat and it was over. That was the worst I have ever felt in my life.

We went home and waited to hear from my regular OB. Around 11 am I began spotting and light cramping. By 5:00, it was the worst cramping, pain, and bleeding I've ever had. The on call doctor had me come into the ER at 8:30 for a d&c. The hospital experience broke my heart even more. We were supposed to rush to the ER months from now when it was time to have our baby. Not under these circumstances.

I'm just so beyond devastated. My husband has been so amazing to me and I know he's hurting too. I can't get over the feeling of emptiness. I'm sad for the loss of the baby we had loved so much already, I'm sad thinking of everything we planned and hoped for, I'm scared, and I don't like the idea of returning to this new normal. We planted a beautiful flower yesterday as a memorial and that makes me feel like the baby is still in our lives.

Sorry for the long post. I haven't had an outlet for my full story and thought this could be a start.

MrsKush1014

So sorry for your loss.  Like PP I also had a D&C on 4/11 after a missed miscarriage.  Take some time for yourself to heal physically and emotionally.

kreardon11

I am so sorry for your loss and welcome to a great community. We found out 4/3 of our blighted ovum and I thought I was going to take the medication to help it along, but opted to let my body take care of it itself. It's almost been four weeks and I've passed nothing. I'm likely having a D&C this week. 

My recommendation would be to talk about it. Talk about it with everyone you feel comfortable talking with. I told a friend and she confided in me she also had a miscarriage. With 1/4 women having miscarriages you'll be overwhelmed by the support you'll receive. I also got a therapist which helped talk about some things that I didn't feel comfortable talking with my husband about. 

Hugs and peace. 

MrsKush1014

kreardon11 said:

I am so sorry for your loss and welcome to a great community. We found out 4/3 of our blighted ovum and I thought I was going to take the medication to help it along, but opted to let my body take care of it itself. It's almost been four weeks and I've passed nothing. I'm likely having a D&C this week. 

My recommendation would be to talk about it. Talk about it with everyone you feel comfortable talking with. I told a friend and she confided in me she also had a miscarriage. With 1/4 women having miscarriages you'll be overwhelmed by the support you'll receive. I also got a therapist which helped talk about some things that I didn't feel comfortable talking with my husband about. 

Hugs and peace. 

Agreed - I have found so much comfort in talking about it.  I find that it's easiest for me to tell someone the initial news of my loss over email or the like, and then it's so much easier to talk about it in person the next time I see them.  

mynameisjen

I am currently experiencing a natural miscarriage, so I am right there with you with the gamut of emotions. We will get through this.

meredithcarole

I am so sorry for your loss.

stephy1221

I am so sorry for your loss.

jesswein9

So sorry for your loss

lindscaples

I'm so very sorry.

nola219

So very sorry for your loss. I'm glad you found this board, it has been very comforting to me. I had a recent m/c as well and am still bleeding and waiting for my body to return to "normal". I'm still very much struggling and am so thankful to have found this board. Especially for nights like tonight when I can't sleep (its 0535 here) and having been crying most of the night.

Hugs to you!

tlc35

I'm sorry for your loss.  I had a D&C last week as well.  It sucks and I hate that to outsiders I look normal.

cf101009

Thanks for all your replies and thoughts. It's been helpful hearing from people who understand. I don't have anyone whose been through this IRL to talk to.

scrang74

And getting the" don't worry, you'll be pregnant again soon" bugs me. I know they mean well, but I lost THIS baby, I need to mourn THIS baby, I'm not pregnant anymore with THIS baby. I think I've entered the anger stage of grieving...

cf101009

scrang74 said:

And getting the" don't worry, you'll be pregnant again soon" bugs me. I know they mean well, but I lost THIS baby, I need to mourn THIS baby, I'm not pregnant anymore with THIS baby. I think I've entered the anger stage of grieving...

Yes. This.