I need your opinion

stlmomma27

I have been at home with ds ever since he was born. I have loved every minute and wouldn't change it for the world. It is coming to the time that we need two incomes coming in, dh has always been the one that worked. I always have hated working, I know...grow up, it's never going to change, everyone works. I have so much anxiety about putting ds in daycare. I feel like no one care take care of him as well as I do, don't all momma's feel this way?

I know that I need to get a job and contribute, but I also don't want to miss anytime with ds. I also know that daycare will be really good for him, I don't want him to be socially awkward either.  

Do you think I am being selfish by not getting a job or wanting him in daycare? 

I know that I am asking your opinions, but try not to attack me very much.

SJandVA

I don't think it's selfish for wanting to stay home if that's what you like to do.
But if you guys need a second income I'm sure he will go great in day care.
I've been a SAHM for 6 1/2 years now and can't imagine how hard it would be to go back to work. I would not be excited about daycare either. Even though I know tons of people do it and the kids love it.

Could you find something part time?

exc1tedforbaby1

I'm the opposite. I love my son more than life. But I could never be a SAHM. More power to both of you, but it's not for me. He does fantastic at daycare, and I love going to work every day. I might not love my job every day, but it's MY time. I actually work and go to school. I hate that I'm gone so much, but I know it will benefit everyone in the long run.

Find a day care you are 10000% comfortable with. I loved this daycare just from looking online. And once we went said I didn't care how we had to pay for it. He was going there. I love his teacher and the staff. So it makes leaving him there to go to work easier.

vic8504

I don't think you are being selfish either. I went back to work when DD was 10 weeks old. I said I would give myself 6 months to decide if I would stay or not. It has now been 17 months and I am still working because we need both incomes to be comfortable.  I would give anything to be able to stop working and stay at home with DD so I didn't feel like someone else is raising my child...

Luckily my mom doesn't work and is able to watch DD full time so we didn't have to put her into DC. I know DC can be good for kids so they can socialize but there are other ways to socialize. Maybe you could look into someone coming to your house to watch DS or a smaller in home daycare. I think that would be the route I would go if I didn't have my mom.

ks3pink

My DD went to daycare and had a great experience yet I still hate the thought of putting the boys there. I think it's because I baby them so much but I don't know. We are very fortunate to have my stepgrandmother who comes to our house to keep the kids every day but I know the boys would be learning more in a daycare setting. I also know that when the time comes for daycare or preschool it's going to break my stepgrandmother's heart as if would mine if I was home with them everyday but it must be done. It is very hard to "let go" but in the end they benefit so much! GL mama!

ccam

I hate working too and wish I could spend more time with DS but we need to be a 2 income family. DS has also done great with daycare and loves being there. I think using a daycare that you really love can do amazing things for a child.

I get it and don't necessarily think its selfish but if you need 2 incomes, it sounds like you don't have much of a choice. Could you start out part time?

vvvvvfee

agree with PPs, maybe you could do part-time work? that would be my dream (DH and I both work f/t and DS has been in daycare since 12 weeks).

since your DS is older now, i think the transition to daycare would be easier on you as well as him. it's tough putting an infant in f/t daycare because you know they're not going to be held and cuddled as much as you would at home. toddlers have so much energy and i think they benefit from the stimulation and social interaction at daycare.

twinkletoes3126

I live in an extremely high cost of living area. Daycare is so expensive ($350 a week at a minimum) around here that it really didn't make financial sense for me to go back to work. I worked in the social service field so my income wasn't spectacular anyway. To help contribute, I watch 2 kids part time in my home. Is something like that an option for you? Not only do I make decent money, but we save the cost of childcare. Also, my son gets to socialize with the kids. It's a great set up for all of us.

sdlaura

I don't think you're being selfish - it sounds like you are being realistic about needing to contribute financially to your family. I echo PPs that daycare is great for this age. DD gets so much stimulation there. I have continued to send her during my maternity leave because I think she'd be bored at home with me and the baby. At daycare she just gets to play and learn all day rather than me having to take her on errands or to doctor appointments. I don't need to work for financial reasons but choose to because I find it fulfilling to have a career and identity outside my family, and I don't think I'd be happy at home all day everyday with my kids. Both of us working means we can save a lot for retirement and college and do things like travel that we wouldn't feel comfortable doing otherwise.

shakinros

I think the definition of selfish is if you're doing something that benefits you over others. That doesn't sound like what's happening here.

You are making a value choice about lifestyle though. Is your being at home with him better than the lifestyle you could have if you worked? Impossible for us to answer as it's different for everyone.

I am lucky enough to make more than the cost of daycare, even when we lived in an HCOL area. Now that we live in a less expensive place, I could stay home but I don't. Both of us working means we can buy a house. For me, raising my kid in a home we own (not rental apartments) is more important than avoiding daycare. Also she's happy to go someplace different and be with her teachers and the other kids.