Twin pg vs. singleton & people's perceptions

sasky

Maybe this is a stupid question, but do you find people don't always appreciate (or even try to) the differences between being pregnant with one as opposed to multiples?

My sister asked me what my plans are for Mother's Day since she's planning a brunch at a restaurant. I told her I'm going to be 36 weeks at that point so I really don't know if I'll be up for driving an hour away. She gave me a look like, "why not?" And then asked me to let her know soon so she can make reservations.

She has 3 kids so she knows pregnancy, but comparing this one to my first is just soooo different in terms of the level of discomfort, mobility, and limitations. I feel like there's just no way to explain that to someone without sounding like a whiner.

And now I sound like I'm whining! It's been a long day.

whitehousem

I totally agree. Personally, there is no way I would be an hour away from my hospital right now at 36w. You never know when something could change while carrying twins. I ran errands all
morning with DH and I'm so tired and sore now. I'm measuring 47 weeks, so the way I look at it, there is no one who carried a singleton who knows what it would feel like to go SEVEN weeks past their due date!

Palan

This a completely different story than my single. If the first pregnancy was anything like this one, I would have been one and done. I am feeling mental and physically at 28 weeks what I was feeling at 40-42 weeks with my single.

MrsP419

Haha I LIVE an hour away from my hospital, so I am very hopeful that if I do go into labor on my own, it is not too quick!  I live in the boonies and all the good NICU hospitals are 45-60 mins away.  

I definitely think people do not understand how different a twin pregnancy is.  I think some of my friends try to; they know it is hard.  But sometimes I think that some believe deep down that I am overreacting when they see how much help I really need.  The best way I can explain it is that it feels like being in third tri for 20 weeks, and it feels like being full term for the entire third trimester.  People at least sympathize with that.  

Rynleigh

I was a week into hospital-restricted-bedrest at 36w. A ton of women in this group delivered before 36w. The AVERAGE delivery date for twins is less than 36w. People are just ignorant, but honestly, we cannot fault them that... being a MoM means sometimes we have to take the "Don't hate, educate" approach if we want others to "get it", because most of them won't ever go through it and therefore have little to no reason to research it. 

amy1007

My water broke at 36w and I was measuring 46! I'd be around home too!

amy1007

And yes being pregnant with two was so much harder because I was so big for sooooo long!!

TRS48

It is sooooo frustrating when my friends who are pregnant with singletons try to compare their pregnancies with mine. I just think "you have no idea" & roll my eyes. Nobody understands unless they've been through it. I went to the hospital for a week and everyone freaked and canceled my baby shower & my mom was in hysterics thinking I was going to give birth at 24 weeks. I feel like I had to talk everyone else off the ledge when I was the one who could've used some consoling. I honestly cannot imagine how MoMs of triplets or more do it... I give you major props. Twin pregnancy is such a blessing but it's no joke (mine is also high risk for other reasons) so even now when DH says "I want to try for another in a few years" I shut him down bc I just can't imagine doing this again (been through 6 doctors, hospital for a week, and on bedrest since 21 weeks). But perhaps a singleton pregnancy would seem like a breeze compared to this, I wouldn't know with this being my first pregnancy, but I'm scared to do this again!

TRS48

I posted this on Instagram recently to try and get people to understand how different it is... Thought you might be interested too.

macchiatto

I haven't really had a singleton pregnancy to compare it to but yeah, it does seem that while a lot of people were like, "Whoa, twins, that must be tough!" (at the end, pregnancy-wise), some seemed pretty oblivious.

legaleagles

So different. We moved when I was 35/36 weeks pregnant with DD. I worked until 39 weeks with DD. This time around I can barely do anything by 36 weeks and now at 37+5 I'm pretty much useless. At 36 weeks I'm might have been able to sit in the car an hour, but would not have chosen to. And honestly sitting in restaurants in uncomfortable chairs, etc. just not fun. I have pretty much hated being in public for the last week to 10 days. 

bumpuser924057

I feel like nearly everyone understood how limited I was toward the end, with the exception of my HUSBAND who still expected me to be able to do more than I was really capable of at that point.

jocie2581

It bothers me when people try to relate by saying they delivered a big baby. Did you also carry around two placentas? Two amniotic sacks? So not the same thing.

KatieGummow

It hit me how different it was when my MFM said, "you're literally having two separate pregnancies (di/di)... But at the same time."

mer313131

I completely agree, and I'm only 15 weeks! I had to drop out of being a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding on 9/20 (I will be 36.5 weeks) and while she was very understanding (thank God), my other friend gave me a hard time about it. She was like, "well if you haven't had them yet, why can't you?" And, better yet, "if you have had them, you definitely could right?" And this is someone who has a child. Also my husband thinks I'm batshit crazy for wanting to get started on organizing and getting the nursery at least planned out (I'm not saying cribs need to be assembled, just any major things need to get purchased soon and maybe throw up some paint and clean out the closet). My doctor puts all twin moms on modified bedrest from 24-28 weeks and I don't have a clue how mobile I will be after that.

SandraPB1220

I'm so glad this thread is here. I was just admitted over the weekend for pre-term contractions and now my doctor told me to "use my best judgment" as to whether I should go back to work. I never thought it would happen, because I've been having such a hard time at work recently, but I'm feeling SO guilty about not going back to work!! I think sometimes I even forget how different this pregnancy is from a single pregnancy.
I'm just wishing he would have said, "you need to quit working" because now I feel like I'm just using this as an excuse to be off work for a few extra weeks. Advice/suggestions, anyone?

TRS48

@mer313131‌ you are smart for wanting to start getting your nursery/baby supplies this early. I started stocking up at 15 weeks and I'm sooooo glad I did bc I got put on bedrest 6 weeks later (& am still on it) so now it's impossible. Our nursery looks like a baby store blew up in it bc there is just stuff everywhere, with boxes & receipts and it's totally not organized. I'm starting to think I might not be able to organize it and decorate until after the babies come now. Ordering certain things online is a pain with trying to match colors (shades of blue, tan, etc) and when it comes in boxes I have to wait for DH to get home, open it, bring it to me in bed, and then have him to fetch the other items so I can compare the colors... Such a pain. We bought car seats online a few weeks ago and DH just set them in the nursery and I have yet to see them & make sure theres no problems with them, which DH refuses to do bc he thinks they'll be fine. It's sucks. I'd recommend you start getting your stuff and save the boxes, bags, & receipts just to be safe, I'm glad I did.

Rynleigh

SandraPB1220 said:

I'm so glad this thread is here. I was just admitted over the weekend for pre-term contractions and now my doctor told me to "use my best judgment" as to whether I should go back to work. I never thought it would happen, because I've been having such a hard time at work recently, but I'm feeling SO guilty about not going back to work!! I think sometimes I even forget how different this pregnancy is from a single pregnancy. I'm just wishing he would have said, "you need to quit working" because now I feel like I'm just using this as an excuse to be off work for a few extra weeks. Advice/suggestions, anyone?

I HATE doctors who say, "Use your best judgment" when it comes to bed rest and work... your best pregnancy judgment is not always the best judgment at all.. if I didn't have a doctor who told me "YOU MUST STOP WORKING RIGHT NOW AND GO TO THE HOSPITAL", I may have had some seriously dangerous complications with my pre-eclampsia. 

If you are experiencing preterm contractions, GO ON BED REST. STOP WORKING. I am not a doctor. I cannot give you medical advice. But as one MoM to another, I insist you get your feet up and rest before your "best judgment" gets you into trouble. I felt invincible during my pregnancy, and I wasn't. I almost died. Your preterm labor probably won't kill you - but that doesn't mean you need to risk those last few weeks of security on guilting yourself into working. Stop working. Get some rest. A bitchy lady on the internet said so. 

sasky

ashleysyn2 said:

Luckily my boss, the one who really matters right now, is on the complete opposite end of the spectrum.  She's amazed that I'm still working and is basically ready to kick me out the door.

Good point. My work had been amazing and I totally appreciate it. If they weren't as understanding I would be so stressed out.

For me it's more some people in my personal life who are expecting me to keep up at the same rate as I did with my singleton pregnancy. Truth be told, I don't know if I would have expected how brutal it is, so I should probably cut them some slack.

BeesKnees181

Ummm...an hour in a car now (I am 35 weeks and measuring a week ahead, but still) would be torture for me.  Even a 30 minute commute everyday has me running to the bathroom on both ends of the trip, if not once more in the middle.  Driving at this point is uncomfortable.  Just a whole lotta babies taking up chest and belly space.  Plus, it is Mother's Day and you should whatever it is YOU want to do

kdarden15

KatieGummow said:

It hit me how different it was when my MFM said, "you're literally having two separate pregnancies (di/di)... But at the same time."

I like that one! It makes sense!

SandraPB1220

Thanks, girls!! I did have a follow up appointment with a different doctor in my OB group this afternoon and she made me feel much better about being off work.  Essentially the other doctor said that continuing to work will more than likely not make me deliver any earlier than I normally would, but if I was that uncomfortable I should stop.  The doctor I saw today said pretty much the same thing but said it in a way that made a lot more sense to me.  So I officially filed my FMLA/short term disability claim with work and told my boss that I won't be coming back until after my maternity leave is up.