MIL issues

Manda+panda

On Tuesday, DD will be 5 weeks old. She is EBF, and having latch issues, for which she's had 3 frenotomies. We have to do suck training every feeding, and she's been biting. My MIL wants to take her overnight next Saturday. I have a supply of frozen breast milk.

I don't feel comfortable with her being away from me for that long yet. I don't want her to have any bottles until we have established bfing well, and we haven't. Once in awhile, DH will give her a bottle of pumped milk while I'm napping. I'm not a fan of it, but giving her a bottle for 24 hours is only going to make things worse.

Dh is making me feel like crap that I'm not ready for her to be away yet. He also makes be feel like crap that I don't want her around people who are sick. I feel like he's being an asshat about everything.

WWYD? Go with your gut, and keep baby home, or let baby stay with grandma?

fireflygirl12

Go with your gut for sure! Why does MIL need to take her for overnight? My parents took DS1 for his first overnight away from us when DH and I took a trip at 5 months and I don't see anything wrong with that. Also about being sick, that is ridiculous. It's really dangerous for babies to get sick at this age. I'm not as worried about DS2 as I was with DS1 since it's not flu season, but I still make people wash hands and use hand sanitizer before they can hold him.

Yogini6911

You're the mother and I feel that you need to do what you feel is best for baby and you...even if it means pissing others off. Only you know what is best.

I'm sort of in the same boat in regards to having a MIL who wants to "help" but I'm ebf right now. I know that I'm irritating her because I haven't let her care for our LO for a few hours. She even gets annoyed when she's holding him and I take him from her when he gets fussy and I know it's time to nurse. She always says that he doesn't need to nurse and that he can cry for a bit but I always nurse when I know that he needs to.

Hang in there..I have started to really voice my reasoning for the above to DH because I don't think that he understands all that goes into BFing. Again, you're the mom and you need to do what is best for baby and you.

Manda+panda

She's annoyed, and so is DH, but she's not going. It's too soon. A few months down the line, I'll let her, but DD needs me, and honestly I need her with me.

FYI I have 33 oz of breast milk in the freezer, but she doesn't know that. I asked DH what she was planning to do to feed her...give her formula? He said he didn't know. It's typically her, though.

DD and I have stayed over there a couple nights, and MIL didn't want to help when I'm there, in fact she uses be to watch her kids.

She also smokes 2 packs a day. Granted, she goes outside, but a) who would be watching DD while she's outside smoking and b) Ask that third hand smoke.

I'm just frustrated and annoyed.

Mustardseed2007

For what it's worth I wouldn't do it if I were you. And honestly I wouldn't do it if I were ff either. But I tend to not want to leave my kids overnight before they are sleeping through the night even with family members I trust implicitly.

eta I will say DH and I have plans to go out to eat next weekend. It will be our first date night since February. We're going to a nice restaurant near our house and I expect will be gone for about three hours give or take. We won't leave until after our two-year-old is asleep so my sister can focus on the baby.

ksulli

I didn't have a voluntary night away from DD1 until she was 14 mos. I had to travel for work sooner than that, otherwise I wouldn't have done it. And even at that point it was hard to do! She had weaned at 13 mos, so that's part of it for us, but at 5w (even without other issues) it would absolutely be a no.

Linnea503

No way would I be away from my newborn overnight! Add the feeding issues AND her smoking and there is no way she'd be able to pry that kiddo away from me. Sorry your H doesn't understand but definitely hold your ground on this one.

AcaAwkward

No no no!!! Feeding issues aside, I wouldn't leave my NB that early overnight. And exposing her to sickness and smoke? NOOOOOO.

Have her come to your house and you and DH can go to dinner or a movie instead.

momofmanyinthemitten

I didn't leave DD for a night until I was in L&D for DS. She was 25 mos. I will say, however, that she has major anxiety issues that kept us from leaving her. There's no way I'd leave my 5 wk old with anyone overnight.

pleasantsarg

She is too young to be away from you overnight. She may even be too young to be away from you for more than 2 hours. This is crazy. Keep her with you.

homediva

Hellllll no.

MommyCricket

Your baby and your nursing relationship are more important than offending or annoying your husband and mil.
I remember from baby1 that my spouse wanted to "be normal" or not be stressed out or just be ourselves again earlier than I did. It's not bad, but you don't need to defer to your husvand's need for you to detach.

LittleLady77

No way. I wouldn't even consider it.

Rrrrrachel

Noooo way would I be away from a baby that young for that long.  I wont' even let my husband take ours to the airport to drop his mother off.

Cassi215

No way. Don't let anyone guilt you into leaving your baby. People keep asking me to babysit and I just say no. I don't need time away and I don't need a break. Once in awhile when daddy is home I run to the store but that's it. MILs need to get over the fact that these are not their babies and we know what's best for our children. Sorry for the rant I too am fed up with people insisting I need a break from my babies and their constant want to have them away from me. It's very annoying not to mention I'd never leave my Children alone with some of these people!

bingbongsmama

That is incredibly soon to be away from your newborn, breastfeeding or not.

RedDawnsRevenge

Why do MILs feel so entitled?

*sparky*

You have several valid reasons for saying no. Don't let DH and MIL push you into it. The smoking alone would keep me from allowing my LO to EVER stay over there.

strawberrytree

The smoking factor would be enough that my baby wouldn't even go over to her house. She is nuts if she thinks it's reasonable to make you pump enough milk so she can keep your FIVE WEEK OLD BABY overnight. The only person who would get any benefit from that is MIL. Your baby would probably be terrified being away from you at this point, and you would be anxious worrying over her and getting up in the middle of the night to pump and keep your supply up...no, it's just a terrible idea all around. 

maelic

You don't have a MIL problem, you have a DH problem. She can be as crazy and demanding as she wants but it's your husband's job to deal with it.

The fact that he is siding with her is INSANE. He needs a reality check, stat.