Intro and Story

eevieemariee

Hello lovely ladies! I'm 25 and DH is 26. We were married this past September on our 6 year anniversary. We're spending our second year in our home and have 3 wonderful fur babies! I got my Mirena IUD out this past March after having it for 4 years. The insertion was horrible for me, akin to an in office cervical biopsy I had a few years prior, thankfully the removal was pretty painless! I had always wanted to be BC free once I turned 25 and while DH isn't up for "trying" just yet he finally relented to my plans. While we're not actively "trying", DH has also made no effort to prevent a possible pregnancy on his end. He is completely aware I am BC free, and while I worried he might use condoms (which we've never been fans of), or withdraw, he's done or mentioned neither this past month. If my cycle was average, TBH - it never really was!, today would have been the day before my expected period. I'm not really PMSy, so I tested using FRPT and got a BFN this morning. Not even the squinitest of second lines. Kinda disappointing, but not unexpected. I've been on BCPs since I was a teen to help regulate my cycles and lighten my heavy and painful periods. I have hypothyroidism and was tested for PCOS, which runs in my family. I guess I'm borderline. Some months my hormone levels were okay, and others were in the PCOS range. I guess I also have high testosterone levels. My SiL, DH's younger brother's wife, is expecting and while I'm jealous I'm very happy for them. I have wanted to be a mother since I knew what being a woman was, and have had baby fever since I was in my teens. I'm looking to start charting my cycles so we can start actively trying in a couple months, perhaps around our anniversary in September. Just wanted to introduce myself, I'm sure I'll be around a lot these next few months!

Twinkie0612

Nix0318 said:

Hello lovely ladies! I'm 25 and DH is 26. We were married this past September on our 6 year anniversary. We're spending our second year in our home and have 3 wonderful fur babies! I got my Mirena IUD out this past March after having it for 4 years. The insertion was horrible for me, akin to an in office cervical biopsy I had a few years prior, thankfully the removal was pretty painless! I had always wanted to be BC free once I turned 25 and while DH isn't up for "trying" just yet he finally relented to my plans. While we're not actively "trying", DH has also made no effort to prevent a possible pregnancy on his end. He is completely aware I am BC free, and while I worried he might use condoms (which we've never been fans of), or withdraw, he's done or mentioned neither this past month. If my cycle was average, TBH - it never really was!, today would have been the day before my expected period. I'm not really PMSy, so I tested using FRPT and got a BFN this morning. Not even the squinitest of second lines. Kinda disappointing, but not unexpected. I've been on BCPs since I was a teen to help regulate my cycles and lighten my heavy and painful periods. I have hypothyroidism and was tested for PCOS, which runs in my family. I guess I'm borderline. Some months my hormone levels were okay, and others were in the PCOS range. I guess I also have high testosterone levels. My SiL, DH's younger brother's wife, is expecting and while I'm jealous I'm very happy for them. I have wanted to be a mother since I knew what being a woman was, and have had baby fever since I was in my teens. I'm looking to start charting my cycles so we can start actively trying in a couple months, perhaps around our anniversary in September. Just wanted to introduce myself, I'm sure I'll be around a lot these next few months!

If your DH isn't ready for children yet, you need to use another form of BC.  You both need to sit down and talk about plans for TTC and how you are going to TTA before that time comes. 

Why were you worried he might use condoms? If he doesn't want a child right now condoms is a pretty good option since you are no longer on BC.

Not trying to be mean but your post comes off as your DH doesn't want kids right now but you are trying to get pregnant anyway.  Seriously talk things out with him.  The last thing you want is to get pregnant and him feeling like you forced or manipulated him into fatherhood. Yes I realize that he knows that you are not on BC, but you also know that he isn't ready to TTC yet.

eevieemariee

Agreed. We have talked and talked the subject to death. He's worried about finances (and honest to god, if you knew him, you'd know he was a cheap bastard. He willingly admits it!) and the right timing whatever that is. Myself and family have tried to explain babies don't get any cheaper the longer you wait, there never will be a perfect time, and no matter how prepared you can be, you will never truly be ready. His reasons are pretty unjustified. He and I both have good paying jobs with benefits and security. We own our own home and have 3 vehicles. He has 2 motorcycles and a rather expensive gun collection. We can pay all of our bills and have money to spend stupidly. We both just got raises and purchased another car. Trust me, money is not the issue. As for timing, well, we're finally married. Have been together going on 7 years now. He is VERY well aware I want children and soon. He was very aware of that from the short time after we got together. He was also very aware that I wanted to start trying after I turned 25. He is scared of babies. Afraid he will hurt them. He was that way with his niece and was that way with the puppies. Little young things are intimidating to him, for whatever reason. He warms up to them once they grow a bit and become less fragile. He cannot articulate exactly when a good time would be just vague answers. As far as the financial end goes, we sat down and talked bills money and finance recently. We're paying off the smaller debts. He went from being adamantly against me getting my IUD out to telling me to get it out. He has also made mention of turning his man cave/computer room into our office. Leaving my spare room/the library for a baby's nursery. I almost fell over! When I stated the obvious, and said "that is the first thing you've said that made me think you're getting ready for babies!" He just smiled. He is not a man of many words. He is coming around rather slowly.

eevieemariee

In regards to the comment about condoms, we rarely used them on and off. Neither of us care for them. I've never cared for the mess of withdrawing either. He is aware of how babies are made and as I am not on BC and he has not indicated or acted on any desire to use either of these methods, he is aware that I could become pregnant and he has chosen not to prevent it on his end thus far. When we discussed getting my IUD removed I vocalized my concerns about getting pregnant and him resenting me. I've told him I don't want to have children if he is not ready. In the end, we decided to get the IUD out and he's decided not to take any preventative action. Hence, the not actively trying as we are not planning sex for conception. We are just letting Nature take its course.

candlequeen

Oh for Pete's sake

normandyn7

Twinkie0612 said:

Nix0318 said:

Hello lovely ladies! I'm 25 and DH is 26. We were married this past September on our 6 year anniversary. We're spending our second year in our home and have 3 wonderful fur babies! I got my Mirena IUD out this past March after having it for 4 years. The insertion was horrible for me, akin to an in office cervical biopsy I had a few years prior, thankfully the removal was pretty painless! I had always wanted to be BC free once I turned 25 and while DH isn't up for "trying" just yet he finally relented to my plans. While we're not actively "trying", DH has also made no effort to prevent a possible pregnancy on his end. He is completely aware I am BC free, and while I worried he might use condoms (which we've never been fans of), or withdraw, he's done or mentioned neither this past month. If my cycle was average, TBH - it never really was!, today would have been the day before my expected period. I'm not really PMSy, so I tested using FRPT and got a BFN this morning. Not even the squinitest of second lines. Kinda disappointing, but not unexpected. I've been on BCPs since I was a teen to help regulate my cycles and lighten my heavy and painful periods. I have hypothyroidism and was tested for PCOS, which runs in my family. I guess I'm borderline. Some months my hormone levels were okay, and others were in the PCOS range. I guess I also have high testosterone levels. My SiL, DH's younger brother's wife, is expecting and while I'm jealous I'm very happy for them. I have wanted to be a mother since I knew what being a woman was, and have had baby fever since I was in my teens. I'm looking to start charting my cycles so we can start actively trying in a couple months, perhaps around our anniversary in September. Just wanted to introduce myself, I'm sure I'll be around a lot these next few months!

If your DH isn't ready for children yet, you need to use another form of BC.  You both need to sit down and talk about plans for TTC and how you are going to TTA before that time comes. 

Why were you worried he might use condoms? If he doesn't want a child right now condoms is a pretty good option since you are no longer on BC.

Not trying to be mean but your post comes off as your DH doesn't want kids right now but you are trying to get pregnant anyway.  Seriously talk things out with him.  The last thing you want is to get pregnant and him feeling like you forced or manipulated him into fatherhood. Yes I realize that he knows that you are not on BC, but you also know that he isn't ready to TTC yet.

All of this. Having a baby is a life changing event and if your husband isn't ready for that then you need to respect that. Just because he is "going along with it" doesn't mean he is ready. You should be respectful of how he feels and maybe come to a compromise as to when to start actively TTC. Just because his reasons seem "unjustified" to you doesn't mean they are any less important to him.

LimaD

IDK, I'd say after reading OP's clarification response it sounds like he is just nervous but okay enough with the thought of her getting pregnant.  Someone posted earlier about their husband's response being "do whatever you want" and everyone took that as a green light to start trying. OP's husband seems to be basically saying the same thing! 

He even commented about using the spare room as a nursery.
OP, I'd just sit down and talk with your H and make sure you're interpreting things correctly

Twinkie0612

Nix0318 said:

Agreed. We have talked and talked the subject to death. He's worried about finances (and honest to god, if you knew him, you'd know he was a cheap bastard. He willingly admits it!) and the right timing whatever that is. Myself and family have tried to explain babies don't get any cheaper the longer you wait, there never will be a perfect time, and no matter how prepared you can be, you will never truly be ready. His reasons are pretty unjustified. He and I both have good paying jobs with benefits and security. We own our own home and have 3 vehicles. He has 2 motorcycles and a rather expensive gun collection. We can pay all of our bills and have money to spend stupidly. We both just got raises and purchased another car. Trust me, money is not the issue. As for timing, well, we're finally married. Have been together going on 7 years now. He is VERY well aware I want children and soon. He was very aware of that from the short time after we got together. He was also very aware that I wanted to start trying after I turned 25. He is scared of babies. Afraid he will hurt them. He was that way with his niece and was that way with the puppies. Little young things are intimidating to him, for whatever reason. He warms up to them once they grow a bit and become less fragile. He cannot articulate exactly when a good time would be just vague answers. As far as the financial end goes, we sat down and talked bills money and finance recently. We're paying off the smaller debts. He went from being adamantly against me getting my IUD out to telling me to get it out. He has also made mention of turning his man cave/computer room into our office. Leaving my spare room/the library for a baby's nursery. I almost fell over! When I stated the obvious, and said "that is the first thing you've said that made me think you're getting ready for babies!" He just smiled. He is not a man of many words. He is coming around rather slowly.

Nix0318 said:

In regards to the comment about condoms, we rarely used them on and off. Neither of us care for them. I've never cared for the mess of withdrawing either. He is aware of how babies are made and as I am not on BC and he has not indicated or acted on any desire to use either of these methods, he is aware that I could become pregnant and he has chosen not to prevent it on his end thus far. When we discussed getting my IUD removed I vocalized my concerns about getting pregnant and him resenting me. I've told him I don't want to have children if he is not ready. In the end, we decided to get the IUD out and he's decided not to take any preventative action. Hence, the not actively trying as we are not planning sex for conception. We are just letting Nature take its course.

I think it is valid to be concerned about finances when it comes to babies, they aren't free.  Also he may be using finances as a front for just plain not being ready to have a child.  He may feel like it is easier to say he is afraid of finances than tell you he is not ready, especially when you are vocal about the fact that you are ready right now.  You also keep saying how he knows that you want babies right now and how he knew that you wanted to start TTC when you were 25 when you first met, do you know what he wants?  Without taking your time frame into consideration, when does he think is the right time to have children?  Parts of your post really sound like you want to make the decision on when to TTC and think that he should just go along with it.  Marriage is a partnership, both parties should get a say in major life decisions like starting a family.

To me "coming around slowly" is not the same thing as being ready to TTC.  I also understand that he knows how babies are made and hasn't taken steps to prevent pregnancy, but he could be doing this because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings.  You shouldn't have to just assume that his lack of prevention means that he is ready.  This is a big life changing decision.  You need to both sit down and say, "yes I am ready to TTC."

eevieemariee

Well ladies, my husband and I have been talking for the past few days in regards to your concerns... We talked about money (ugh, again!) and he seems to be feeling a bit more comfortable about the situation knowing I'm not spending as much as I used to, and have money set aside again after our kitchen remodel this past winter. I explicitly asked him if there was some sort of life goals he had in mind/things he was looking to accomplish before having kids, the answer was no/nothing. I explicitly asked him why he didn't use any prevention and he had no real reason "I didn't think about it". I asked him if he ever thought to buy condoms or withdraw and he said it "wasn't on his mind". We went to the store and I asked him if he would like to pick up some condoms and he said that he did not. I asked him if he was embarrassed, and he stated it wasn't that... I asked him how he would feel if I was pregnant right now and he stated he would be "half excited and half freaking out" and laughed. He stated he would like to start trying in about a year or so, but he also said he wouldn't mind if I had gotten pregnant earlier than that. Again, I made myself perfectly clear about how I didn't want to have kids if he wasn't ready, didn't want to put us in a situation where he would resent me. I told him that by not using any form of protection I felt like he was only setting me up for disappointment every month that I wasn't pregnant and worried if I was pregnant how he would feel about it. He got exasperated at that point and demand that I "read between the lines!" Made me feel good, that I wasn't just assuming things and that I did indeed already know a little of what was going on in his mind. So while some of you rolled your eyes and assumed that I was just playing devil's advocate, in the end I know my husband better than strangers. And thankfully, your concerns (which made me concerned, honestly) were nothing to worry about in the end.