If someone doesn't RSVP

ASmallWonder

Is it a safe bet to assume they're not coming?  Has anyone in the history of the world ever dared to show their face at a party they did NOT RSVP to?  DS1's party is next weekend and I haven't heard squat from 4 of the 10 kids he invited and I need to take a guess at how many goody bags to make, cupcakes, juice boxes, etc.  I ran into the 5th no-RSVP mom the other day and she claims never to have seen the invite.  I'm not surprised since they went into the backpacks of preschoolers but I never see the other 4 mothers/fathers and have no way to reach them except via...you guessed it...a note in the backpack lol

ASmallWonder

GDI people need to re-learn what RSVP means.  Personally I would never show my face at a party I hadn't said I was going to but I guess I do have to plan for them all.  Grr.

ASmallWonder

Estwd2 said:

Plan for them all or call them each to see if they're coming.

I can't call them - I don't have numbers or even email addresses for everyone and the daycare won't give them out (which I understand)

Read247

My uncle didn't RSVP for my wedding. He came with his 10 kids and brought some woman I'd never met before and her daughter.

Don't know why it's so fucking hard for people to say "yes I'm coming" or "no, can't make it." If you got an invitation then you have advanced notice. Plan accordingly.

vandelay

I haven't had anyone show up who didn't RSVP, but I had several people RSVP as late as a couple of days before the party.  I'd call or plan on everyone, as @Estwd2 suggested.

shadypines

Can you just make extra bags? I usually do for cases like this....

ASmallWonder

Yeah I can it's just the whole thing is a pain in the ass.  I have to confirm the numbers a few days before and have to pay for every kid.  And if all those kids DO come it bumps my numbers to having to make a bunch more cupcakes - like a whole extra box (we do it up Betty Crocker style lol).  I know the answer is that I have to plan for them but people are so rood.

ASmallWonder

Mind blown Lois.  I mean, there's cost involved here.  Planning.  I get that shit happens and invites get lost but do you intentionally not RSVP?

ASmallWonder

My issue with regrets only is the same as my issue with "no news is good news" (like from the doctor).  Not hearing from someone could also mean they never got the invite at all (or lost your results ::personal experience::)

vandelay

And if you do RSVP for a wedding, show up or have a reason why not.  Once you RSVP, the couple is paying for you whether you are there or not.  I'm still a little angry at my friend who RSVPed his entire family of six for my wedding and then blew it off without a word of explanation.

ETA:  That was not directed at you, @LoisLayn23, especially since you said you do RSVP to weddings.  I just had an angry flashback to that wedding situation and needed to get it out.

Smootchy

My ex boyfriend's family NEVER RSVP'd everyone just assumed they were coming and we always had a place. Even to weddings, not just grad or bday parties. Drove. Me. Batty. 

so rude. 

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

jenn330

I hate dealing with RSVPs. I ALWAYS make sure to RSVP in time. I understand planning that goes behind why they need an answer! I do think it may be a regional thing though, too.

RondackHiker

jenn330 said:

I hate dealing with RSVPs. I ALWAYS make sure to RSVP in time. I understand planning that goes behind why they need an answer! I do think it may be a regional thing though, too.

Nope, not regional. People all over are rude as hell.

@LoisLayn23‌ I think it's different if they don't request or they say regrets only.

RondackHiker

My aunt didn't RSVP to my wedding. I called her a few days before (after emailing and calling a few times and not getting a response) and she said she wasn't coming. She was already in the car driving from Florida to New York. She spent a day with a friend and then showed up at the wedding to surprise us. Yay! A fifty dollar a person surprise!

jenn330

RondackHiker said:

My aunt didn't RSVP to my wedding. I called her a few days before (after emailing and calling a few times and not getting a response) and she said she wasn't coming. She was already in the car driving from Florida to New York. She spent a day with a friend and then showed up at the wedding to surprise us. Yay! A fifty dollar a person surprise!

I think wedding RSVPs are the worst. We had quite a few people say yes when they didn't actually show up. Not $50/person, but $25. Still a chunk of change to pay for!! I think age may have been a factor (we got married young, so our friends were early 20s, maybe just not familiar with wedding RSVP importance). We also had people come for the ceremony and not stay for dinner. Then there are the people who say "maybe." I need a straight answer!!

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

bunny731

I plan for about 2 no rsvps to show. If that puts you in an extra box of cupcakes I would make them and freeze the extras. I would book the rsvp's with the venue but ask if a couple rsvp's do show can you pay that day. Most venues will allow for that. and I usually make a couple extra goodie bags just in case. I rarely get a non-rsvper to show. Normally I get a sibling I did know was going to be there so I pawn off the extras to the non-identified siblings.

bunny731

I don't care if a person brings a gift, in fact my kids birthday this year is ' no-gift'. What burns me is when a person says they are going to show and don't-like for non emergencies. Say what you are going to do- then do it.

bunny731

fredalina said:

Is this the place to vent that DH's aunt showed up at our rehearsal dinner when she wasn't even INVITED?

What's up with that? That's some balls there.

ASmallWonder

I seriously WISH people wouldn't bring a gift for DS because he has too much shit already.  We're having a party because he wants a party but not for the gifts - he just wants to go to the bouncy place with friends but you can't tell people no gifts.  One, it implies you expect a gift which, even though that's the norm, isn't classy and two, no one will listen anyway so gifts it is lol

I honestly think people just don't understand the concept of RSVP.  Some people think it's regrets only and it's so not.  Oh well.  I had a couple people email me last night so I'm down to only a few maybes and I'll just count on them.

RondackHiker

To me, someone showing up to celebrate with me was acknowledging my wedding. They took the time to dress and travel and time away from other crap they could be doing.

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

bunny731

elmoali said:

I seriously WISH people wouldn't bring a gift for DS because he has too much shit already.  We're having a party because he wants a party but not for the gifts - he just wants to go to the bouncy place with friends but you can't tell people no gifts.  One, it implies you expect a gift which, even though that's the norm, isn't classy and two, no one will listen anyway so gifts it is lol

I honestly think people just don't understand the concept of RSVP.  Some people think it's regrets only and it's so not.  Oh well.  I had a couple people email me last night so I'm down to only a few maybes and I'll just count on them.

I disagree for a kids birthday party, as opposed to wedding, no gifts is acceptable at least in my region and not confusing in the least. Something along the lines of "no gifts please, handmade cards are well loved'

DreadLoc

it would seriously upset me if a friend didn't show up to my celebration because they felt like they HAD to bring a gift.  come celebrate with me and share my happiness. 

 that's all that should matter.  

NeneCakies

We had no-shows too with no reason and that sucks. I was more prepared for non RSVP people to show and the combo was a bit of a blow expense wise. The unexpected guests should offset the no shows but somehow that never works.

This seems like a good place to vent about DHs groomsman's parents, who added TWO people to their RSVP. The group gift was laughable. And their kids didn't send a thank you note for the wedding gift we sent to them. They totally fail at etiquette.

One time I thought to no-show at a wedding because of a zit. My aunt set me straight thank goodness!

ASmallWonder

mbenit4 said:

Tip = make RSVP ing easy. Going to the post office is not easy and convenient. RSVP via an e-vite is great. It reminds you etc.

RSVP via text message - also awesome.

I am so glad the school age crowd around here is down with these things.

I put my email address for the RSVP for the socially awkward who would rather die than talk to a stranger on the phone lol