Intro/Visitation question

jellybean529

I usually post over on Single Parents, but as we move toward divorce I thought you all might have some insight A little backstory -- STBXH and I separated in September and he moved out of our apartment in October. We were living in MA, where I had no family (we moved there for his job). He applied for (and got) a job in LA in November, so I found a job in my home state (FL) and DD (almost 6) and I moved here in January. We live with my sister and her two kids (she is also going through a divorce), ages 5 and 7. STBXH moved to LA in February. 

So that brings me to my question. Do any of you have a visitation arrangement when one parent lives in another state? How does that usually work? I'm just looking for an idea of what's reasonable to expect once we file for divorce to prepare myself as well as start figuring out how to explain things to DD.

(ETA: Intro)

Thanks!

emme022

I do not have a different state custody situation so I can not comment on that, although I do think you can sometimes find guidelines for that kind of thing online.

But I just wanted to point out(and I'm not positive how it works since you both moved and could be totally wrong about this) but I think it would be in your best interest to be the one to file for divorce proceedings if they have not been filed yet. I think, and someone please correct me if I'm wrong, that whatever state it is filled in is where the divorce and custody case will be heard.

akflutterby

In my experience after you've established residency that state will be the ruling authority over your divorce. So you could see who's more friendly to your situation, but I understand FL to be pretty solid for moms and require 6mos for residency to file.

As for interstate custody my ex and I did it for years, and now I won't let my son leave the state without a change in our agreement. Make SURE you are explicit with your agreement. Our arrangement was really loosey, part of the summer with mom part with dad, so when the ex decided to just keep him one summer there was nothing I could do until school started. XH also got Xmas visitation for one week starting Xmas day. Since we weren't explicit there he would book like a 4am flight so we'd have to be at the airport at 2am and ruin the whole holiday. We also weren't detailed enough about how DS would travel and who would pay (at first xh would come get him and bring him back, then he decided to just do unaccompanied minor, but wouldn't pay the fee for that or for the baggage check). XH and I hate each other though (got divorced in '99) and I'm not sure how you are with yours, but I'll tell you it's easier to be as detailed as possible to avoid animosity later. Good luck!

Mkherren12

You want specific amounts off time for visitation. You will also probably want something about who pays for plane tickets and whether or not a parent is needed to escort your dd to the other parent.

Some people I know recently has a divorce across states. The mom up and left and the dad had the kids. Throughout their proceedings the mom had to fly with the kids every two weeks. Two weeks with mom and two weeks with dad. It's my understanding that she had to pay for all those plane tickets too but I don't have direct knowledge of that.

Also most arrangements only cover Christmas and thanksgiving. Easter has been an issue for us because it's a big deal on both our families so whatever additional holidays you think might be an issue put those in there as well.

As was said to me these papers will be a guide line for the two of you. Y'all are free to co-parent and change as long as you both agree. These papers are for when the two of you can not agree. So you need to be able to live with whatever they say. I made sure mine said no more than 2 weeks at a time in the summer because I would go crazy without my dd for longer. 2 weeks was hard enough.

And I agree with pp. wherever paper ls are filed is where things will happen and be decided. I don't think youngest to fly out to la to deal with this. Better to file before your ex. Look up the law in both states though. Maybe he would have to prove 6mo residency like you. Knowledge is power

Ilumine

Get a lawyer.  We cannot answer your questions because they are too specific to your individual case.  

carebear939

We are in a different state than BM.  The custody arrangement that was decided in court is we have full custody SD through the school year.  BM gets the summer from 1 week after school gets out until 1 week before school starts.  Christmas break is split one week with each family and alternating each year for Christmas.  DH is responsible for paying 75% of SD's airfare.  The one thing I wish was in the CO is something about who needs to travel with SD, I'm due right around the time she is supposed to go back this summer and won't be able to fly and DH needs to be here also, but BM is upset about us asking her to pick SD up for the summer. 

jellybean529

Thank you all for the input Sorry about the post and run yesterday.

Both FL and LA have 6 month residency requirements. Mine will be established in July, his won't be until August, so I will definitely be filing first. I'm also seeking input from a lawyer but I thought it might be helpful to get an idea of how it had worked out for others just to put my mind at ease. Good, sound advice here and I really appreciate it!