Nanny Question...

TJ1979

First of all, I want to say that I love our new nanny with all my heart and soul.  E is really thriving under her care, and I can't believe the remarkable difference she has made in just a month.  It is so much less difficult leaving the house in the morning knowing that E is being well cared for, and happy, and safe, and learning.

But I have a question about boundaries.  Initially I had told the nanny to consider our room off limits.  However, that's not entirely feasible as the dogs' food and water dishes are in our bathroom, and E can open doors and likes to go into our room.  But ideally, there is no reason for children or nannies to be in our room.  Recently, I've noticed that the nanny is using our bathroom.  At first I thought it was just so she could look for hair ties to put E's hair up.  (And she is doing that, and that's fine, but I guess we need to get E some of her own hair supplies.) 

But she is also using our toilet.  This is where I'm not sure what to do.  There are 4 bathrooms in the house.  Why does she have to use mine?  Not that I have anything against her, but my bathroom isn't always the neatest room of the house, and I don't particularly like company in the master bathroom, you know?  MH doesn't mind whatsoever, and has even told the nanny that she could dig through the medicine chest under the master bathroom sink so look for some tylenol once when she had a headache. 

I know part of the issue is getting MH and I on the same page.  But am I being unreasonable preferring that the nanny use one of the other 3 bathrooms?  If not, how can I casually approach the topic without offending her?  WWYD in this situation?

ccam

That would bother me, too.  That is my space and it's pretty much the messiest part of my house so I'd rather it just be seen by DH and myself

Since you're trying not to offend her, I would make it like you're trying to help her.  Maybe gather a basket of all the stuff she could possibly need from your bathroom (hair ties, tylenol, etc) and put it in the bathroom that you'd rather her use.  Let her know that you're going to keep your bedroom door closed from now on so that E doesn't get in there and leave it at that.

TJ1979

@ccam My only plan so far had been to let her know that she is welcome to store anything in the powder room if she wants to (personal supplies, etc.)  But that's an ever better idea!  We really ought to have E's things in her bathroom anyhow. 

amd1982

I don't blame you at all! We have 2.5 baths and the master bathroom is always the last one I clean! haha. we always put ourselves last don't we? my opinion is, if you don't want to offend, maybe say one day that you're having an issue with the toilet leaking (ha, i am a TOTAL avoider) or that you're trying to teach E that she has her own space in the house. Put all of her hair stuff and medicine under a locked cabinet in a different bathroom. And just make sure the nanny is aware. I think it's a good, non-confrontational way to get her comfortable using another bathroom in your house.

Mnerani

Totally reasonable. I can't think of a real reason she'd need to use your toilet. Good suggestions above on how to non-confront her

kbeach82

First of all, I am SO happy that E is doing so well and that you are loving your new nanny. We have been fortunate to find some really great nannies for our LOs and I feel really fortunate.

I have actually had the same situation with one of our nannies. It is a complete understatement to say that my bathroom "isn't always the neatest room in the house." I am in such a rush to get out the door at 6AM on the mornings that I work. My bathroom looks like a bomb went off in there most of the time! We also have several other bathrooms available, so I really don't see a reason for her to have to use our bathroom at all.

When I spoke to her about it, I pretty much told her like it is. I said that we had plenty of other bathrooms available for her to use, but that I would prefer her not to use mine because (a) I am embarrassed by its' general lack of tidiness, and (b) because I consider that to me my own personal space.

I think honesty is your best policy. Good luck! 

Mrs.AmyDylan

I'm so glad E is thriving with the nanny! Yay! I echo the move any reason for her to go in your bathroom out. We keep J out of our bedroom because she chews on leather shoes and climbs on our window seat and pulls in the curtains. My parents watch J when needed so we just ask them to keep her out.

blueberries8

I might not be the best to advise, because I have my own share of nanny communication issues, but I'd relocate the dogs' bowls if possible and make your room off limits and just frame it in terms of wanting to keep E out of your room so she has no reason to go in that area at all.

Mr. & Mrs. Woodtick

I don't even like DH using my (the master) bathroom. I think you have gotten great advice from the PPs and I hope this situation gets resolved!

oliv0026

Hello Ladies!!! 

Just a quick intro of who I am so you can understand my advice: I am a Local Childcare Coordinator and I match Au Pairs to families and give them support during their year. I currently work with 9 families in my group and I was a nanny for over 10 years!!

I would advise you the same thing other people have been and I always tell my family. TALK TO HER! Be honest on how you feel! move the things out of your bathroom and tell your nanny you are not comfortable with her using that bathroom and why, besides, if it is all that mess you are saying, it probably isnt a safe place to your child anyway! 

I always say the success of a relationship, any type of relationship, is communication! If you dont say, she wont know. It doesnt matter why she is using the bathroom, just be honest and tell her. She might be offended and think you are crazy, or she might understand and move on. You wont know until you say it. I am sure you are both adults and can have good communication with each other. 

TJ1979

My messy bathroom is perfectly safe for my child thanks.