need some advice

MinnesotaMomma91

Im having one of those days where i feel like i havent done enough to get bd involved with ds. I know this is stupid nonsense. Because ive tried its him who has the problem.

I guess other then needing to be talked down from the guilt im having today im wondering if i should email him and give him an update on ds or just ignore the need to try one more time to get him to give a shit.

MinnesotaMomma91

I need to remember this. I still cant wrap my brain around why he doesnt care about bentley

freeatlast2014

We feel such a strong attachment to our children and men will never understand nor will they ever feel what we feel, regardless of how active they are in lo's life.
For those absent, they really have no clue what love they are missing. You can't force that.

20thirteen

@MinnesotaMomma91‌ hugs! I feel that way sometimes too. When BD goes long stretches without contacting me. Or making plans and being impossible. He only feels the need to be involved when he thinks that of all the people in the world, this little girl would love him eternally no matter how terrible he treats her (i.e. coming over once every couple months to wave at her and then be like "welp... That's my Father Time for now... See you later!"). Fuck that bullshit. He doesn't care. Sad to say but your BD doesn't and won't ever. Unless it gives him access to your pants. And even then, probably not. Try not to feel guilty. Because that's how he should feel.

MinnesotaMomma91

@Roxalot i friggin love you! You just made me feel so much better

20thirteen

Glad I could help

laurstarx

I'm guilty of this 100%

Thinking that magically one picture or story will make him be like "Hey I'm a huge douche maybe I should man the fuck up and be involved with my daughter"

Yeah.. That hasn't happened.

His loss. If he doesn't want to be there.. He obviously doesn't deserve to be. It's upsetting to have to comprehend that their father doesn't care.. But what you gonna do

Hang in there!! He's got one kick ass mom!

MinnesotaMomma91

Thanks everyone. Bentley is such an awesome little man it is his loss. And i feel like the long stretches of silence and his popping in to try to get in my pants screws with my head. But im going to try to be proactive about not letting him in my head.

There have been a few hard flipa with him. When i was pregnant i was very up front with him that my bf would be raising bentley with me which at the time he was cool with. Till bentley was about 4 months old bd freaked out, started a fight about how bf is just a cheap knock off of him him and he couldnt believe i was letting another man raise his son and a week later he was back to being glad bf had a steady male in his life because bd wasnt involved.

Im thinking if i hear from bd again ill tell him if he wants to discuss bentley hell have to make all contact with my parents or have his parents or bentleys no longer sm contact me because i obviously cant talk to him when he knows how to tug my heart strings

20thirteen

Is it possible to also change your number?

MinnesotaMomma91

No verizon is being dicks saying i cant change my number till my contract is up. Which isnt till next summer

20thirteen

Boo, that sucks.

20thirteen

That was the best response.

jellybean529

Second what @beccaga16 said. Don't do the work for him. He has to want it

MinnesotaMomma91

@beccaga16 thanks, that was definitley the best way to put it.

I am feeling better today. Just hanging out with ds enjoying all the mile stoneshes hit this week.

inthelost

lurchbaby said:

I have felt this many times. I sometimes get so convinced that if I just send him one more photo or a little blurb about how much M has grown and what he's learned that Dude will suddenly understand what he's missing and get involved.

It never works. BD will probably never understand because he doesn't want to. It's not your fault. And you have done more than enough. Stay strong and if he wants to be involved he can call/text/email you.

THIS. I get it I also tried really really hard to get Ryan involved in Liliana's life. But, he just doesn't care and he never will care. It's pointless. I also sent several pictures to him in the past, and gave him little "updates" hoping for just a LITTLE interest on his part, but it never worked. 

You are doing the best you can, and I'm sure you're an awesome mom who loves her son very much! Just keep up the good work and I think the best thing we can do is put all our effort into loving and raising our kids and not worrying about stupid grown men who never grew up.