XP: What to put in custody order

emme022

So unfortunately BM has made some threats that mean we will officially(most likely) be going back to court.  There were a lot of things left out of the custody order the first time(like nothing about school), so we want to make sure to cover as much as we can in the modification so we don't have to go again.  So what I'm asking is, what do you think should definitely be included in a custody order, what wasn't put in your that you wish was, etc so we can try to cover all of our bases.  We have 50/50 custody, and should be keeping it if that helps at all.  

+just+j+

Your lawyer should have a general template. 

cole2144

As much as you can if you don`t get along with BM. Who is doing transportation, extracurriculars, communication should go through email unless an emergency, summer vacation, pickup and drop off times including for holidays.
 

Ilumine

I will always say, be specific as possible.  The more wiggle room, the more people try to get away with things. 

However, you should also have specific clauses as to what you would do if you make changes to the court order, i.e. if you want to switch a weekend because of a family function, how you get back on track needs to be addressed. 

widgetsnm

+just+j+ said:

Your lawyer should have a general template. 

My DH thought the same. However, his lawyer failed to put in a clause about whether his ex could move out of state! She did and took their son with her! Now we have NOTHING stating transportation/costs for visitations or anything. Basically, if we want to see him, we have to fork over about $500 for plane tickets (round trip, just for SS, not including extra baggage).

She also then moved AGAIN (more than 60 miles away from previous home). It's not good for kids to move that much (my belief). She did it without asking. SS had a very difficult time through all of this. She doesn't seem to care. She wants to move again.
I suggest putting a mileage restriction on moving. Like they must have permission from you before they move or something. It's a standard clause in Texas. It's in my brother's custody agreement & his ex moved AFTER obtaining his (& my entire family's--not required, but she's nice) permission.

I suggest that you think of every little detail of your life. Think about money. Think about what types of activities the child might get into and how that will be paid for. (BM wants us to fork over more money, but the child support was meant to cover all.)

School is a good one. BM took SS out of school & started homeschooling him! We didn't find out for a month! SS didn't tell us and neither did she. Omg. We were pissed!

SueBear

You need to address how decisions are made.  Education, medical - do you have to agree, and who gets the tie-breaking vote?  

Be clear about extra-curriculars (they can get more expensive as kids get older).  Also, if you have to agree on extra-curriculars or not, and if not whether the non-agreeing party has to bring the child to practice, pay for equipment, etc.

Vacation - in addition to school holidays, summer vacation and how that is arranged.  If you do not get along with BM, I would say that you should have plans by an early date (April 15, May 1) and the parent not going on vacation can't dispute.

How do you do 50/50 60 miles away?  Certainly he needs to be in school for that time!  I cannot see how BM got away with moving, even if it is not addressed.

I have co-workers who move frequently for work (they rotate in my company quite frequently).  I don't think it's necessarily bad for kids.  However, does the moving show instability?  Maybe you can petition for more than 50/50.