How to deal with the comments (once babies are born)

MommyWannaB10

So, I read the 10 things about having twins post & #2 sounds AWFUL to me. I don't want strangers' comments, advice, nothing! I get it now; went to Ikea over the weekend & had 2 sales ladies comment that I was ready to burst (like I don't know that already!) and one who said I've dropped (how do you know, you've never seen me before!). It annoyed he crap out of me and I did everything I could not to be a b!tch. How do you deal with the "omg, twins" comments once they're born? I fully intend to go to public places, but don't want to be annoyed or super rude to anyone either.

eandk18

I think you just need to realize that you are going to get comments everywhere you go.  Just expect it and realize people are going to say the stupidest things to you.  BUT, I think most people have good intentions.  Most people I encounter tell me what a blessing it is and how beautiful my twins are.  I know some people get irritated with the "double trouble" and things like that but I really just think you need to let it go.  It's just a conversation starter. I use it as an opportunity to tell people how lucky I am and how much I love having twins.  Just turn it into something good and brag on your kids, who doesn't like to do that

Ylvelill

I am not sure I understand the frustration and annoyance others seem to feel about getting comments, unless of course they are mean or rude. In general I love talking to people so I am looking forward to having two cute conversation starters on hand at all times

Just roll with it IMO, people just want to be friendly and take part in the excitement that is multiples!

MommyWannaB10

AshB62 said:

Ylvelill said:

I am not sure I understand the frustration and annoyance others seem to feel about getting comments, unless of course they are mean or rude. In general I love talking to people so I am looking forward to having two cute conversation starters on hand at all times Just roll with it IMO, people just want to be friendly and take part in the excitement that is multiples!

You will.

I'm not really a people person in general and I hate small talk, but even if I was, shopping trips take more than twice as long when the boys are with me because I get stopped so often. After you've answered the same 4 questions eight times, smiled and nodded at three or four "double trouble/ you have your hands full"s, and managed not to sarcastically reply to a few "better you than me"s it gets pretty annoying. Especially since by that time you've been in the store way longer than necessary and now have two cranky babies to deal with.

This! I'm not a people person myself and like to keep to myself when I'm out, not talk to every single person I encounter. I want to go in, do my thing and leave without having to talk to anyone, answer questions, etc. DS got a ton of comments about how blue his eyes are, but I didn't have to stand there and have a 20 min. conversation about him.

Ylvelill

Hehe, you all make it sound like so much fun!

MommyWannaB10

Happy_Yahoo_Personaler said:

AshB62 said:

Ylvelill said:

I am not sure I understand the frustration and annoyance others seem to feel about getting comments, unless of course they are mean or rude. In general I love talking to people so I am looking forward to having two cute conversation starters on hand at all times Just roll with it IMO, people just want to be friendly and take part in the excitement that is multiples!

You will.

I'm not really a people person in general and I hate small talk, but even if I was, shopping trips take more than twice as long when the boys are with me because I get stopped so often. After you've answered the same 4 questions eight times, smiled and nodded at three or four "double trouble/ you have your hands full"s, and managed not to sarcastically reply to a few "better you than me"s it gets pretty annoying. Especially since by that time you've been in the store way longer than necessary and now have two cranky babies to deal with.

This.  Add in the fact that every. single. person. will ask some question that is meant to figure out if you went through IVF in order to have multiples and I'm a little twitchy by the end of most shopping trips.

Yep, get that too! Good thing is most ask if they run in my family, I can reply that my grandma had trips, so nobody knows if we had fertility problems or not. It's not their business anyway!

24karat

Ylvelill said:

I am not sure I understand the frustration and annoyance others seem to feel about getting comments, unless of course they are mean or rude. In general I love talking to people so I am looking forward to having two cute conversation starters on hand at all times

Just roll with it IMO, people just want to be friendly and take part in the excitement that is multiples!

Trust me, you will.

Everything @AshB62‌ said...our average is 9 random conversations with strangers. Per store. It was fun for this extrovert for the first week, but that's about it.

Ylvelill

I have been upfront about ivf whenever asked, I figure if I talk about it then maybe people will stop being weird about it and it will become less of a taboo. Yeah I know.... I am all kittens and rainbows

mylittleladies1229

Most of the time when I hear comments, I smile and keep it moving.  You have to or your "quick" trip to the store will take twice as long.  But trust me, there might come a day when NO ONE says anything about how cute your kids are and you are gonna be like, WTF people are you blind! ha

TheDairyQueenx3

Ylvelill said:

Hehe, you all make it sound like so much fun!

Yeah you won't think it's fun when you have two screaming babies, your boobs leaking through your shirt from previously mentioned crying babies, 30+ pounds of car seats and diaper bag hanging off your shoulders and 500 strangers stopping you every step you take just because it's twins. Then while babies are crying they need to inform YOU how they are so knowledgeable about twins because their sisters friends uncles college roommates girlfriend had a set of "Paternal" twins. Then let's add on the fact that some I these strangers will want to try and touch your newborns.

Trust me you will be less than thrille when this becomes an everyday event. Point blank it's incredibly annoying and most the time I avoid eye contact or just give a smile and keep walking.

kgs0505

Mostly I get stares, and "oh how cute, twins!" as I go by.  I don't really like small talk either and I'm usually on a mission to get things done before someone needs to eat, go to the bathroom, or take a nap (I have a 3yo toddler too).   

My strategy is to avoid eye contact with pretty much anyone except my kids.  And when someone stops me, just finish doing whatever I was doing and move on.  I don't really allow a conversation to happen most of the time.  I just answer their question, or say thanks, and keep moving.  I don't voluneteer any info ever, and that tends to keep things shorter.  Every once in a while, I do end up in a longer conversation with someone, but it's maybe once a trip or every couple trips anymore.  I just deal with it.  As long as no one is totally melting down, it's not going to kill me to answer a couple questions.  People are just curious, and babies are people magnets as it is, make it two (or more)babies, and you just get more attention.

lynnyrd80

I'm worried about this too!  It was hard enough to deal with this with just DS, so I can't imagine what it will be like having twins out and about.  One of the big things I'm worried about is the "oh no!  three boys!" comments that I know are coming.  

AJC&Maggie

Perhaps I am different. I can't wait for the comments and excitement! What a blessing I am about to embark on! I also don't mind unsolicited belly rubs!

Angelahelena

I am not a people person either. I speak my mind so much so I know I offend people. I've had the omg twins I'm sorry comment from nurses mind you. I have responded w yes omg thank god I am having twins. They are my blessing. I've had strangers try to touch me but they get their hands quickly slapped. I am a rape survivor so I do not take to anyone touching me and find it disgusting that my pregnancy assumes normal personal boundaries can be crossed.

eandk18

jessnicolodi said:

Most of the time when I hear comments, I smile and keep it moving.  You have to or your "quick" trip to the store will take twice as long.  But trust me, there might come a day when NO ONE says anything about how cute your kids are and you are gonna be like, WTF people are you blind! ha

Ahahaha!  This happens to me once in a while and I think the same thing  

eandk18

AJC&Maggie said:

Perhaps I am different. I can't wait for the comments and excitement! What a blessing I am about to embark on! I also don't mind unsolicited belly rubs!

This is me, I didn't mind the belly rubs/comments either.  My twins are IVF miracles after 4 years of infertility, bring on the comments and excitement!  

twinmom1121

I actually don't mind all of the comments when I go out places. Yes, answering the same questions over and over again does get a little annoying but I like talking about my babies! People just love babies, especially twins!

raraavis28

For me it depends on the day...my mood, the babies' moods, whether the person seems nice or just rubs me the wrong way....I never get sick of people telling me how beautiful my boys are or that I'm blessed. "Double trouble," "You've got your hands full," and, my new favorite, "Twins! Good luck!" I could do without ever hearing again. :-p

Mrs.Guz

It's gonna happen. Everywhere I go with them, I get stopped and get comments. Even at church, where I go every Sunday and know the people, they act as if they've never seen twins before or talk about their cousins daughter's kindergarten teacher who had twins. I just smile and nod. Sometimes I'm not in the mood, so it's harder to grin and bear it. But my babies love the attention. Lol.

BabyCarryingVessel

Ylvelill said:

I am not sure I understand the frustration and annoyance others seem to feel about getting comments, unless of course they are mean or rude. In general I love talking to people so I am looking forward to having two cute conversation starters on hand at all times

Just roll with it IMO, people just want to be friendly and take part in the excitement that is multiples!

I get what you're saying, but sometimes you won't want to deal with it... here's a little recap of my day... Both girls have double ear infections and are running fevers, so I took them to the doctor and went to Walmart to fill the prescription. They were a mess and I'm sick as well. While we waited for the medicine I just couldn't make small talk with strangers and answer questions about which one is the dominant one! I also could seriously punch the next person who says my hands are full!

Ylvelill

My comeback to "double the trouble" is always "double the fun"

MuggleMomma23

I don't mind talking to people but the, "you're going to be so tired", "good luck", "better you then me" comments piss me the hell off!! And it's one thing to stop and talk to someone but don't even make the mistake of trying to touch my babies with your filthy Walmart hands! Even with DD, people were always trying to touch her cheek or nose etc. Wth? I can only imagine when the twins are here what it'll be like. Ugh. Exhausted thinking about it. People can be great but more often then not they drive me nuts!

bumpuser924057

I'm a pretty big attention whore and even I reach my capacity for annoying comments from strangers fairly quickly these days.  I don't mind a few compliments, but nearly every time I get a nice "your babies are so beautiful" comment, that same person will interject a "you sure have your hands full!" and I'm like, aw, you killed it - I thought you were cool, but you're just like all the rest.  Maybe someday I'll actually say that out loud .

I did run into a woman at Costco who told me my kids were adorable, and then she said "My twins are sixteen now" and she pointed at the two teenagers with her - a girl, and a boy who was almost a foot taller than her.  I said "Wow, I bet no one ever asks you if they're twins anymore, do they?" and she laughed and said "It's been years!"  That gave me hope, haha. 

mylittleladies1229

Everyone says people ask "are they natural", but I've never had anyone ask. Although, I am REALLY looking forward to giving a smart ass reply! People have totally made my day when I am having a tough time by saying things like, "Twins?!? Oh, you are sooo lucky!" or "You are so blessed!" It really is a blessing to have two healthy babies.

MommyWannaB10

I did have a feel good moment yesterday; I went to the pharmacy drive-through with DS to pick up some meds for him and the pharm tech asked when I was due, I answered "June 20 with twin girls", she goes "and you have a 2 year old?". Me:"yep". Her: "that's so awesome, congratulations I'm so jealous". That made me feel good!

SV917

We've mainly gotten positive comments about how cute they are, which I don't mind because I agree. I got a lot of nosy questions hinting at my fertility when I was pregnant, but not so much any more. In our case, I think people get distracted by how different they look (they are biracial, but one looks Asian and the other looks white). It's hard to ask an inappropriate question about someone's reproductive health when you are making racist comments! (Actually, most people are nice, but they do focus on how one looks like me and the other looks like my husband rather than asking how they were conceived).

Labyrinth3000

Since my girls were born I get a ton of "oh, you'll never sleep again" and "guess you're never leaving the house again" or "you're poor for life now". They are newborns and my husband and I are exhausted so comments like these can drive a person to depression. I wished they'd all shut up! We need support about how things well improve not negative jokes.

4legsRbest

I think it totally depends on the place and person as to how I will feel about. My dad (he is actually my step, but I feel like he is my real dad) is this sweet and cute 82 year old man who is just so excited for me he can't stand it. He was telling me the other day he ran into a young lady with twins when he went to a dr appointment and I can only imagine what he said to her. Seriously, I am sure he didn't say anything mean, but I know she has heard it all a million times, but his excitement over mine overwhelms him and I just hope that twin parents he runs into are nice to him because he honestly has the sweetest heart and just doesn't get how we find it annoying. That is what I try it think of when people say stuff (which is rare right now).

Now, someone who says something straight up rude and meant to be condescending, can get an weird look from me and no response. I can generally tell where people are coming from and if the comment is innocent and harmless, I will try and let it roll off my back.

ETA" Words don't spell themselves...

SpartanGirl24

AJC&Maggie said:

Perhaps I am different. I can't wait for the comments and excitement! What a blessing I am about to embark on! I also don't mind unsolicited belly rubs!

I had an unsolicited belly rub yesterday from a very close friend and I smacked her hand. Lol. I love hugs, but touching other body parts is just weird.

AB87

The worst one I've had so far was "I'm glad it's you and not me". I wanted to reply "with that attitude I'm glad it's not you too." But I just smiled politely.

I also had someone say "I'm sorry" when they heard me say I had twins. I actually told this person that I wasn't sorry for myself so they didn't need to feel bad for me. I had had enough of those comments that. Usually I don't say anything.

Angelahelena

I've gotten those and mine aren't even born so I know it will get worse

ceechie

I saw a new dentist yesterday and she told me that you should never have more kids then adults.
Whoops- I screwed that up.
Then my BIL was asking if the twins were "closer" then my singletons. I was like, idk, they're 9 mos. What, do you think they talk to dolphins or something?
My trick for getting through target without twin talk is make it look like there's only one baby. I leave one in the infant seat, with a cover if sleeping, and wear the other. I put the seat inside the basket with the sunshade up. If people want to look at her they have to lean into my basket almost. So, usually they think the car seat is empty and I'm just baby wearing the baby.

24karat

ceechie said:

I saw a new dentist yesterday and she told me that you should never have more kids then adults.
Whoops- I screwed that up.
Then my BIL was asking if the twins were "closer" then my singletons. I was like, idk, they're 9 mos. What, do you think they talk to dolphins or something?
My trick for getting through target without twin talk is make it look like there's only one baby. I leave one in the infant seat, with a cover if sleeping, and wear the other. I put the seat inside the basket with the sunshade up. If people want to look at her they have to lean into my basket almost. So, usually they think the car seat is empty and I'm just baby wearing the baby.

Great minds think alike @ceechie‌ ...I do that too whenever possible.

MommyWannaB10

ceechie said:

I saw a new dentist yesterday and she told me that you should never have more kids then adults. Whoops- I screwed that up. Then my BIL was asking if the twins were "closer" then my singletons. I was like, idk, they're 9 mos. What, do you think they talk to dolphins or something? My trick for getting through target without twin talk is make it look like there's only one baby. I leave one in the infant seat, with a cover if sleeping, and wear the other. I put the seat inside the basket with the sunshade up. If people want to look at her they have to lean into my basket almost. So, usually they think the car seat is empty and I'm just baby wearing the baby.

That's a great idea, never would have thought of it. What type of baby carrier do you have? I have an ergo from when DS was a baby.

CJnKR2014

I already know that when I get the annoying comments I'm gonna say something. I'm also not going to hesitate to slap away a complete stranger's hand if they even try to touch my boys. I've had to do it with my belly lately too. People need to learn boundaries and manners.

ceechie

MommyWannaB10 said:

ceechie said:

I saw a new dentist yesterday and she told me that you should never have more kids then adults. Whoops- I screwed that up. Then my BIL was asking if the twins were "closer" then my singletons. I was like, idk, they're 9 mos. What, do you think they talk to dolphins or something? My trick for getting through target without twin talk is make it look like there's only one baby. I leave one in the infant seat, with a cover if sleeping, and wear the other. I put the seat inside the basket with the sunshade up. If people want to look at her they have to lean into my basket almost. So, usually they think the car seat is empty and I'm just baby wearing the baby.

That's a great idea, never would have thought of it. What type of baby carrier do you have? I have an ergo from when DS was a baby.

I use an ergo now but loved the K'tan for when tiny.

FaeryStarGazer

My daughters are almost seven and we *still* get comments. I wish I could be one of the ones who tells you it'll stop, but it hasn't yet FWIW, they are never dressed the same, they have different hair cuts, they are missing different amounts of teeth but nothing really gets by when you have two of the same face. 

If you don't want people talking/touching you avoid the eyes. And yes, people will try to put their grubby mitts on your babies. A stern, "Do not touch my children" usually stops people. You will feel awkward at first and even a little rude, but the thing is, it's far more rude for randos to grab your stroller in the frozen food section and ask what drugs you took to get "those twins". Now that the girls are older, I most often get, "Are those twins?" To which I reply every.single.time "Are those twins what?"