difficulty.

Lacyj67

Hi ladies,

Forgive me if I have not been as supportive or present as usual in the past few months. I have been trying to keep updated on everyone.

Its been really hard for me the past few months and i have to admit I'm having major jealousy issues. All my close bump friends seem 

to be moving on and its really really hard feeling left behind. I know most of you have had these feelings and they are hard to admit and write. Deep down I'm so happy for everyone on here that gets to move on but I have this sinking feeling in my gut that I will not move forward. A lot of this has hit me the last few days and I've gotten really good at pushing these feeling deep down and not talking about them. Today I'm home alone and can't stop crying. Some of you may know that we have moved forward with our foster adoption and are currently waiting to be matched. On one hand I'm so excited for whats to come and the other hand I walk by the nursery we have prepared most recently and its like jabbing the knife in harder every time I see it. I told my dh last night i was sad to see a cute nursery all done up and me not even be pregnant. Although I am truly ready to care for  whatever child may come I know i need to deal with these feeling to move forward.I have booked my first counseling meeting to talk about all of this and dh did too. We currently still have 4 embryos left from our donor cycle and I'm scared to use them. i just recently made a appointment to see our RE since the miscarriage at the end of feb. I feel like he has failed us and don't know if we can move forward with him. The money has been spent and there are not many more options to go somewhere else now or get a carrier so I fear I will waste these embryos if we put them in me. May 12th we will meet with him and see what our next steps are. I miss talking to you all and hope everyone is doing well.

Mrs.McIrish

Giant hugs Lacy. I was in your position more times than I'd like to admit. It's hard when others move on and you're stuck behind. I totally understand. No real advice bc none of us knows what lies ahead ever. Take good care of yourself.

DoublePortion

I've been thinking about you a lot and checking up on your adoption progress. I pray that soon you'll be matched and/or find the right path to take regarding your embryos. One of the hardest parts of IF is the not knowing what to do next or what the future holds. Sending you huge hugs!!

luvboston

Hugs hope you find your way soon!

liz4paws

Sending you so many hugs. You deserve the world and more. I am so so rry.

sorrellam30

I totally understand and I know others do too, even if they've been lucky enough to move on. I have us on a break in part bc of finances but I'm also terrified to try again, make the wrong decisions and fail all over again. I guess we can't know what the outcome will be until we try. I hope your discussion with your RE gives you clarity on what you want to do!

mm29

(((Hugs))) I am having similar feelings at the moment.  It is so hard feeling like you are being left behind.  I wish you strength.  IF is one of life's most challenging, shitty rollercoasters, it is truly heartbreaking =((  .  (((More hugs)))

zazu13

**sig**

Being a veteran means we've all been left behind, but seeing others who've really struggled find success when you haven't brings a unique kind of pain. I'm sorry its taking so long and for your losses. Big hugs. I think you will be a great mom when success finds its way to you. I hope it is soon.

kflynn81

I feel that way a lot too ((hugs)) to you

J&D2007

I am so sorry you are having a hard time. I, too, feel like everyone has moved on and I'm still stuck too. I'm jealous that you at least have a plan and I wish you the best in your adoption.

Lacyj67

Thank you so much for the kind words ladies. It feels good letting out the emotions knowing you will all fully understand! Love you all!!!

rlk2

Sorry you are having a tough time. We all have been there! I am glad I'm not the only one that has those feelings. Like others have said im so glad to have the "veterans" board who know what it's like to have been through hell and back. You will be a great mom no matter how it happens! Lots of hugs!!!

hmz819

Lots of hugs to you Lacy. I feel the same way.

Km672

Oh Lacy, I hate that you are hurting so much. I've been hoping to see an update from you- So very sorry for everything that you have been through. I really am. I truly hope happy days are ahead for you- we are all here for you, always! >:D<

Julie21613

**siggy**

Sending you huge hugs.  I know exactly how you are feeling... it is completely normal and understandable.  Those of us who have been blessed understand completely...it wasn't so long ago that we were there. 

LeggyJeggy

((hugs)) I'm so sorry you are upset.  I'm glad you are seeking counseling.  That's not an easy decision, but I'm sure it will help.  I've definitely been feeling like I am never going to be pregnant lately.  This whole struggle can really bring you to a deep, dark place.  I hope the foster adoption process goes smoothly.  

brooklynesque

*** Ticker ***

Hi, Lacy.  I am so sorry you are feeling that way but it's understandable.  You have been through too much.  Take it easy on yourself.  I still truly believe you will get your child(ren) one way or another!

RunCC37

I'm sending you hugs (along with a handshake and a 'nice to meet you'). I just wandered over here... I've been on the IF board since August '13 and can't bring myself to read a majority of the posts anymore. I am sickened by my jealousy... it's easier for me to avoid the situation, which is why I've stepped away recently. Lots of hugs & sending strong vibes

JSM0801

I'm so sorry for all you are going through and the pain you are feeling right now. Don't ever give up your dream of having a family. You will be an amazing mommy whenever and however your baby comes into your life. I just wish it didn't have to take this long for you. Huge hugs!!