Over analyzing the timing?

bosco213

Hi all, I don't post much around here but I lurk! Background: My DH is 27, I am 26, married for 2.5 years. We are both in agreement that we want to start a family soon but I'm driving myself crazy trying to figure out the timing of it all! Does anyone else do this?

For example, while my job is secure and pays well, I want a new job in the near future and wouldn't be crazy being at my job with a LO. That would mean finding a job in the field I want (pretty narrow/not a lot of new opportunities) and being there a few months before starting to try in case I fall pregnant quickly I would want benefits, etc. Or we try now and I stay at my current job (public accounting, so hours are long and commute is far), and I've been there for a while so I qualify for benefits and paid maternity (huge perk). But what if I find a new job after I get pregnant? And then if I wait, my sister is getting married next summer and the timing would be off for that.

I'm driving myself absolutely crazy with all of this. My husband says we're financially secure, happy and we both want a baby - let's just do it and the chips will fall where they will.

Am I the only one who feels like this? Is there a point where you just say - ok, let's go! and stop worrying about the timing?

purple_2012

I've been like that since November. Last week I just decided that we're going to go with the flow and see what happens. I doubt I'll become pregnant with in the next month. So I'm not really worried about it.

Timing will never be perfect, and that took me awhile to completely wrap my head around.

annibes

There are so many what-ifs. People have kids under many different circumstances and make it work. It's smart to consider all of the factors, but if you shoot for perfect you'll drive yourself crazy.

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mm529

I struggle with the same questions, but I just try and remind myself there is only so much we can control. You never know how long its going to take to get KU. So while I can very much relate to your thought process I think your H has a great outlook. Best of luck to you!

bosco213

Thanks for the advice all. There is one possible job that I will know about next month - if it's not posted or not hiring by my O date at the end of next month we are just going to go for it

sandrabrooke

Public accounting....if you've been there at least a couple years, I'd think you'd be good to go into industry or internal audit.  (but then again..im bias!)

bosco213

sandrabrooke said:

Public accounting....if you've been there at least a couple years, I'd think you'd be good to go into industry or internal audit.  (but then again..im bias!)

That's the plan I want to work in a school, mainly for the hours/benefits and there is one that may come available next month. Everything takes so long in the government though!

leahoulicky

I get as nuts as I have eliminated a couple of months from our try list because my future due date would land too close to Christmas or in the same month and DH and SIL's birthdays, MIL had a thing for Christmas trees...

pearl198704

My husband & I got married in July & we started trying right after our wedding. After we didn't get preganant after the first month we found out two of our very good friends got engaged & they asked us to be in the wedding party. We decided to put a hold on trying for a lil while since they planned their wedding in August of 2014. I have been a little anxious since making the decision to wait. I'm happy I will be their for our friends on their wedding day but part of me wishes I had just kept trying. So many ppl around me are finding out their pregnant or having their babies & I can't wait to have my lil bundle of joy. We decided we would start again in June so that we don't have to wait a full year & if I do get pregnant I shouldn't be showing too much ( even if I am the dress she picked is flowy so it will hide things perfectly ). My point to my very long story is don't get caught up on these little things. Like your husband said things will always fall into place & it sounds like u both have ur stuff together. If I want to be a mommy then go be a mommy u don't want to regret waiting. Good luck

JillJiggs

Yup I am exactly like this! I even had a moment where I thought to myself, oh should I start TTC now or wait because I'm in a wedding in September. Before that it was, well we want to travel. Well we want to be settled after we travel. Well we want our family around, so should we do it now before we make our move to another province. Just endless variations. Now we're just throwing our hands in the air because we don't know what the "right decision" is and we both are dying for a kiddo. Do what feels good for you! 

Frecklemefree

I am 100% in the same boat. My hubby and I have been married for 8 months and we are ready to start TTC but I find myself thinking "do I want to give birth in January?, should we wait until we've been married a whole year, is the timing perfect?" Slowly but surely I am realizing that not only can it take a few months to get pregnant (although I am sure that I will be the one that gets pregnant on the first try just for saying that) but what does waiting one more month, 2 more months, etc really matter in the long run? Does it matter? It feels like it does but I think it is just because it is one of the biggest decisions of our lives. haha. Good luck!!!  

Briannasteve

My H and I are in the same boat except im ready and he finds himself over analyzing our finances. We've been married for 7 months, but have been together for nearly 10 years. I am SO READY for a baby. He just keeps telling me he would like to save more and though its a great idea to save more, we're comfortable and if we keep trying to save more and more, he is never going to feel like there is enough money.

I think a lot of people over analyze it. There are so many people who get pregnant, are not in the best of situations, and they do great. Even people who never could see themselves with a baby and everything ends up falling into place.

 I think at this point our plan is to just stop trying to prevent it. If we are meant to get pregnant now, we will, if we're meant to wait, it wont happen.

mrswolter

I can understand wanting to hold off for your sister's wedding b/c my Matron of Honor got pregnant with her 3rd child and ended up having the baby a week before my wedding and couldn't be in my wedding. So, it does affect alot of people's lives!

But, you never know...y'all may not be able to get pregnant right away (it takes couples' YEARS to get pregnant), so...my advice is just to have fun "baby-making" naturally and if it happens, it happens! ♥

The most stressful way to make a baby, is planning for it around your ovulation cycle, etc. Just have fun girl!!! Y'all are on the same page in every way so just have lots of sex and don't worry about it!

heytallmama

DH and I thought about it the same way at first. We both landed new jobs in September and we kept saying we'd start TTC when my STD benefits got figured out...and we waited and waited. I work for a small non profit and STD benefits were optional, and being the only person interested, the option fell through in January. We basically decided- forget it! We were happy, financially secure, and wanted a baby-- why wait any longer for what basically amounted to paperwork? There's no perfect time and if you're ready now, give it a shot! I also am worried about having trouble conceiving (my mother did), so I'd rather learn that sooner than later.
Do what works for you and your hubby- it will all work out

Wine&Cupcakes

I don't understand why people put so much emphasis on someone else's effing wedding.

Dude, it's a DAY.

My BFF got engaged last weekend and I will likely be her MOH. She hasn't set a date yet, and our plans for TTC haven't (and likely won't) change. Both myself and another good friend are planning to TTC this summer and are in weddings next fall. So what??

I get not wanting to travel by plane or super long car ride, or to be close to your due date, but barring those factors (and any serious pregnancy complications) I don't understand why this is always the end of the world for some people.

YOLO. Ha, I threw that in to be a douche.

Edit: words = hard.

rockinmathchic

First of all, all of your thoughts are completely normal.  In talking with your husband, I think you will both "know" or find the right time to move forward with having a kid.  I agree with everyone else, that there will never be a "right time" to have a baby.  Just go with your gut, and if you want to start a family, you will figure out how to fit it into your life.

My husband and I were both getting our Master's Degree when we decided to start trying and we attempted to plan to have our son over the summer so we didn't have to worry about taking a semester off.  Well, of course that didn't work out and I had him in the fall, so I had to skip a semester.  I went back to finish when he was a newborn and graduated.  You will make it work.

Wine&Cupcakes

NariaDreaming said:

There is no such thing as a perfect time. But you can't put your life on hold to TTC, and you can't put TTC on hold for life. 

I've got a bit of a different perspective than many others since DH and I have been at this for 31 months. I put grad school on hold, then went back and put TTC on the back burner, and then put it on hold again for RE consultations. I've interviewed, turned down positions, and accepted positions. I've lost and regained FMLA eligibility. 

If I had put everything on hold I'd still be stuck at a job I hated, I wouldn't be 1/2 done with my grad program, and there's no guarantee that I would have been able to take advantage of the generous matenrity leave from my prior job or have a child to show for it. 

I think this is a really great perspective. It's 100% true. The world will keep revolving whether you try to occupy your uterus or not.

I'll be looking for another job this month and starting a grad school program in September. We'll aim to start TTC in August. Who knows what will happen, but we'll make it work somehow, you likely will too. The fact that you're even questioning it means you are probably way ahead of the game anyways.

AlyssaCG

Good luck with everything!

MNgirl326

I understand being concerned about timing- I get it.  Things get planned so far out in advance that it is impossible not to think of it.

 

I was really hoping for a June baby because it wouldn't effect the school year and I could be on maternity leave during the summer.   With my son, we got lucky.  We conceived him on our first try and had a June baby.  Yay us.

 

But, now our second time around hasn't been so lucky.  We have been trying for 2+years with no luck.   Dates that I didn't want to be pregnant or things I was hoping to not be pregnant for are long since passed.     There is a small part of me that kind of regrets hoping not to be pregnant for certain things because I feel like those few times we didn't try (for fear of being pregnant on a vacation or at a wedding or whatever) could have been the time that it worked.

So I guess my advice is- make sure your job is what you want and that you have been there long enough to qualify for family medical leave.  Then put all the other timing concerns on the shelf and just focus on getting pregnant.  Everything else will work itself out.

jswanson1987

when we decided on our first, we just went with it, it took over a year. then we said we would wait 5 yrs and try again, so now we wait