How would you feel if......

shadysladyWed98470

So I got a text today from our sitter that reads, "hope you don't mind but I took Elliott to see the easter bunny today." Here's the background info before you decide if I'm overreacting by being a tad upset. 1) she has never taken him anywhere before 2) she never mentioned that they might go somewhere today so I had no idea until it was already done 3) it was a 40 minute drive each way 4) he used someone else's car seat and faced forward not backwards.

 I think the reason I'm a little upset is because I wasn't even informed that she was going to be toting my kid around town today. I mean, what if they were in an accident or something? What do you think? Overreacting? Justified? BTW when I picked him up I did tell her to please notify me BEFOREhand if she plans to go anywhere, and that his car seat should be rear facing.

Kate_C

Grace0609 said:

Um. I would be livid!!

Ditto. Not a fan of car field trips for daycare for this very reason.

JSS1002

Hmmm. I don't think I would be livid, but I would be bothered, and would have a conversation about expectations and proper car seat safety.

suedell

I would look for a new sitter.

MsAmeera25

I would fire her. I need to know your driving record, if you have insurance, who he will be around and where you are going before my son gets in the car with anyone. It would make me question what else she is doing while I was gone. 

KrisM86

Wow. Yes, I would be furious.

LifesGoodMom

I would be upset. It's seems like poor judgement on her part. Was her reasoning that she just wanted to take him to see the bunny? Are you so close with her she wouldn't feel like she needs your ok? If you are happy with her otherwise I would make your expectations clear and revisit if she continues to make questionable decisions.

elbou

I read the first line, and thought "that's all I need to know". Reading the background info didn't change my mind until I got to point 4. That's when I went from "I would be upset." to "I would be furious, and probably fire her!"

I generally don't mind people taking my kids places, as long as they tell me first. But to tell you about it after the fact is seriously uncool, especially given that she clearly doesn't know how to work the carseat properly.

JSS1002

phill027 said:

Are you kidding me? Classic over-reactor here but first I'd lose my mind and then I'd fire her. Not only did she transport him without permission and therefore without any proper instruction from you, she also took him for a "first" that you may have wanted to experience yourself. Hell naw.

I actually thought that is what the thread was going to be about :-)

txcolibri

I would be upset. Most people don't have car seat properly installed and I would want it chked before giving the green light for car travel. And the Easter bunny too, my husband mentioned take A while I was at work and I made him promise not to take her without me

Lhyacinth888

I would be angry. The text she should have sent you is one asking if she could take him before she even thought about leaving the house.

CanukMam

my jaw dropped at the first sentence. The rest is just fuel on the fire.... I would be so freaking pissed off. The babysitter is not to take my child anywhere without clearing it with me first (except the park nearby). Not to mention in a forward facing car seat... holy

CanukMam

elbou said:

I read the first line, and thought "that's all I need to know". Reading the background info didn't change my mind until I got to point 4. That's when I went from "I would be upset." to "I would be furious, and probably fire her!"

I generally don't mind people taking my kids places, as long as they tell me first. But to tell you about it after the fact is seriously uncool, especially given that she clearly doesn't know how to work the carseat properly.

totally this all the way

minerswife17

I'd choke a ho.

farmerpinky

I would explain why I was upset about The trip. I would then look for a sitter that I trusted to transport my kid if necessary (obviously the easter bunny wouldn't have qualified as necessary).

OhSewCrafty

I would be absolutely livid - mostly about the forward facing, actually. She needs to be communicating that stuff with you ahead of time. What if there was an emergency and your kid was essentially missing? Not cool.

hatroopes

I would think it's common sense that you would let the parent know before taking their kid out of the house...even if it's just a walking trip to the park but especially if it involves a car ride! I would be pissed and not sure I would trust her going forward.

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Angela814

I would be absolutely livid. There's absolutely no way anyone should be taking my child somewhere without ASKING me first. The forward facing seat would be a deal breaker. I might actually consider looking for a new babysitter over that.

skidderdo

She would have been fired.

ceamac0127

CoffeeMonster19 said:

Like everyone else I would be livid. Less so about the nature of the outing, mostly because she hadn't told you she was taking him anywhere and the forward-facing seat. If you plan on keeping her as your sitter I would have a serious talk about your guidelines and expectations when it comes to this sort of thing.

I second this

Erin10408

Fired. End of story.

Erin10408

Jesus...I just read the original post again. So,so,so fired.

JSS1002

I"m really surprised by the SO strong reactions here.  I get being MAD, but it isn't like she kidnapped your child and force fed her mcdonalds and let her play with knives and watch Tarantino movies all afternoon... I dunno. Maybe I'm too laid back about this stuff???  I feel like if I trusted somebody to take care of my kid, I should probably assume that if they get bored, they're gonna go do something fun instead of sitting around all day.

She definitely SHOULD have discussed it with you first, but it sounds like an honest mistake.

 
As for the forward facing thing...eh, another thing I must be too laid back about.  We have him rear facing and intend to do that as long it works, but wasn't it pretty recently that they just updated those standards to be RF until age 2?  My mom has a forward facing seat in her car for my nephew and when she picked up J at daycare the other day, I just shrugged and thought "It's one short car trip... If it was going to be something regular, we'd have her turn it around or swap cars..

I know accidents can happen anywhere, but this all seems incredibly over-reactive to me.  

That said - your kid, your gut, your rules, so you gotta do what you're comfortable with!  Good sitters are hard to find so I hope you can just have a serious conversation and set expectations going forward.

Angela814

JSS1002 said:

I"m really surprised by the SO strong reactions here.  I get being MAD, but it isn't like she kidnapped your child and force fed her mcdonalds and let her play with knives and watch Tarantino movies all afternoon... I dunno. Maybe I'm too laid back about this stuff???  I feel like if I trusted somebody to take care of my kid, I should probably assume that if they get bored, they're gonna go do something fun instead of sitting around all day.

She definitely SHOULD have discussed it with you first, but it sounds like an honest mistake.

 
As for the forward facing thing...eh, another thing I must be too laid back about.  We have him rear facing and intend to do that as long it works, but wasn't it pretty recently that they just updated those standards to be RF until age 2?  My mom has a forward facing seat in her car for my nephew and when she picked up J at daycare the other day, I just shrugged and thought "It's one short car trip... If it was going to be something regular, we'd have her turn it around or swap cars..

I know accidents can happen anywhere, but this all seems incredibly over-reactive to me.  

That said - your kid, your gut, your rules, so you gotta do what you're comfortable with!  Good sitters are hard to find so I hope you can just have a serious conversation and set expectations going forward.

My almost 4 year old is still rear facing in our primary vehicle. Putting my 1 year old forward facing and driving her somewhere without my knowledge is an absolute deal breaker for me.

The official AAP recommendation may have just changed, but the recommendation from car seat safety experts has always been to rear face to the limits of the seat. My almost 8 year was rear facing to 2.5 years (before she outgrew the limits).

I just think it shows an incredible lack of good judgement.

shadysladyWed98470

@JSS1002 I am actually very glad you posted this! Thank you. After reading everyone's opinions I was starting to wonder if I wasn't reacting ENOUGH! Yes I was, and am still, upset. But firing her is def not going to happen. She has been a god-send for our family and Elliott. So I can only hope she took me seriously when I told her I was upset about her decisions. And I plan to reiterate my feelings on Monday. But thank you ladies for all your opinions. I know we all react differently to all situations but it is very nice to know that I am not crazy for being upset.

danuli8

JSS1002 said:

Hmmm. I don't think I would be livid, but I would be bothered, and would have a conversation about expectations and proper car seat safety.

Yeah, this. I don't understand the apoplexy, and good sitters are hard to find.

JSS1002

shadysladyWed98470 said:

@JSS1002 I am actually very glad you posted this! Thank you. After reading everyone's opinions I was starting to wonder if I wasn't reacting ENOUGH! Yes I was, and am still, upset. But firing her is def not going to happen. She has been a god-send for our family and Elliott. So I can only hope she took me seriously when I told her I was upset about her decisions. And I plan to reiterate my feelings on Monday. But thank you ladies for all your opinions. I know we all react differently to all situations but it is very nice to know that I am not crazy for being upset.

I'm glad the different perspective helped. Hopefully the convetsations will help your working relationship to the advantage of your kiddo! To be clear, I'm not trying to belittle your concerns because they're valid, I just wouldn't fire her over it --

Now if it happens AGAIN, now that expectations are set, then we will have a problem.

She may have just not known. When you know better, you (hopefully), do better.