Conflicted about work??

workmm01

I feel like things at work have changed now. I feel like my boss is expecting me to quite and giving new tasks to my other co-workers instead of me. I'm not saying I won't quite once the baby is born, but I just don't know yet. Right now, work is important to me and I get a lot of satisfaction at work and the thought of not working makes me a little sad. I've worked really hard to finally have a job and position I like. When the baby arrives, I don't know that I'm going to want to leave him. Soooo, FTMs have you made a decision about working or not yet? STMs when/how did you make a decision about work?? Were any of you surprised at how your thoughts about working changed? Is anyone else being treated differently at work now?

 

tabaskoa

For me it was never an option not to go back to work full time, so I never gave it much thought. Going back was difficult emotionally and physically, but now (3.5 years later) I can't imagine it any other way.

I do think it's strange that your boss would assume you are not coming back though. Maybe he just doesn't know how to deal with the fact that you will be out for maternity leave and he's starting to compensate for that early?

ashleylucke

I am a FTM and I will be returning to work. The thought of staying home hasn't crossed my mind. I love my job and can't imagine leaving it to stay at home. I know it will be hard to leave the baby and come back but its something I plan on doing.

cappleby

We were both commuting an hour in the opposite direction and my husband also brings a lot of work home so I knew it work out for us to both keep doing that. Luckily we were in the financial position that it wasn't a huge hit for me to stay home. I didn't miss working at all until my son was a year old and then I still couldn't imagine going back full time. I think ideally if I could do something part time closer to home that would be perfect but I have a very specialized career that I can't just do anywhere and having number two so it will have to wait! Just my two cents on how I felt having my son!

kshare18

I am struggling with almost the same thing. My boss has pretty much taken most things of my plate, but she is very sensitive to the fact that I'm pregnant and wants my life to be as "easy" as possible.

This just gives me more time on my hands to bump and obsess about all that is baby. My H and have talked at great length about me returning. I don't have to come back to work because he is the real bread winner, but I am not sure I am ready to quit.

I am going to try to mainly work from home and go back to work on a trial basis. as a FTM, I have no idea what to expect, so I am just kinda going with the flow.

Cat&S

FTM, and I will be returning to work. I've never considered not working...I love my job and have spent a lot of time, money, and effort for my education, and it makes no sense for me to quit now. Plus there is no way financially we could do it. I make the same amount as DH.

I would consider part time if the opportunity ever came up, but I don't think that will happen with my current job, plus it would be tight financially.

caybeh

I knew I wasn't going back when I was pregnant with DS, so I also didn't give it much thought. I didn't tell my work that I wasn't coming back until I was seven months along. It is possible like others said they are looking for who is going to cover your leave.

MC03

STM.  Before I had DD I thought I really wanted to stay at home, but it wasn't a good option for us financially.  Also, I had spent a lot of money and education on my career, and leaving and coming back later would definitely be a set-back for me in terms of advancement.  Also, I really did love my job.  After I had DD I surprisingly realized that I actually really wanted to go back to work.  I felt terribly guilty about it, but I am meant to be a working mom.  I love my job and get a lot of fulfillment out of it, and missed talking to adults during the day.  After this LO is born I will be coming back to work again.  My job always knew I was coming back though, I never hinted otherwise, and they never treated me differently. 

cashews29

I never even considered not working. It may be possible he is doling out work to other coworkers to prepare them for when you're gone on maternity leave.

chase16

FTM. I briefly considered getting out of the Army and going to Italy with FI and being a SAHM, but realized that I just couldn't do it. My career is a huge part of my life, and I would not feel fulfilled if I wasn't working. It also would be tough on us financially, which is something that panicked me every time I sat down and really thought about it. Another part of it was that while I would have LOVED to live in Italy, and could have gotten a part time job at the commissary, PX, or something similar on post in Italy, I couldn't imagine throwing away 8 years of job experience and a Bachelor's degree, and halting my career progression. So I reenlisted for 3 years.

sarahg8r

I am a FTM and planning to go back to work. In the back of my mind, I know there is an option for me to stay home, though. DH is the primary breadwinner, and we pretty much live off his salary.

I was laid off last summer and we were able to make it work, but things were tight. However, we really didn't change our lifestyle much. By the time I went back to work, we were both glad for the extra money! I know we could do it, I just don't know if I'm willing to make the lifestyle changes that would be necessary to sustain our household on one income long term.

On the other hand, I don't know how I'll feel being away from our LO for 40+ hours a week. I am hoping my job will let me cut back my hours...even 32 hours a week would be nice. I am just telling myself that I WILL go back to work for at least 4-6 weeks. If I feel like it's not working after that, I'll decide whether I am ready to be a SAHM.

mandyjimmy

ashleylucke said:

I am a FTM and I will be returning to work. The thought of staying home hasn't crossed my mind. I love my job and can't imagine leaving it to stay at home. I know it will be hard to leave the baby and come back but its something I plan on doing.

This. I LOVE my job and have worked very hard and spent a long time in school to be in the position in I'm. I know my feelings may change as soon as I hold the baby, but I've never wanted to be a stay at home mom. I commend those that do it, I just dont think I'm cut out for it. My boss is making necessary plans and not giving me projects that are due around my due date/maternity leave, but I don't think I'm being held back because of it.

Valancyy

I became a SAHM when my youngest was 7 months old.  So...this is the first baby where I'm not worrying about maternity leave and daycare.

I've always taken 6 months of maternity leave (mostly unpaid).  During my maternity leave with my youngest we had some changes financially that left us in a position where I could easily stay at home.  During maternity leave I decided to go back to work just to make 100% sure, and 1 week later I put in my notice.

For me it was an easier decision because my company had gone through a lot of changes, right around the time I got pregnant with DS#2.  Things were not the same and I wasn't happy.  After being there for about 8 years...the whole feel of the office changed.  I dreaded going back.  That made my decision much easier. 

During ML with my oldest, I couldn't wait to go back to work at the end of my leave!  I did feel a little bored and isolated.  During ML with my youngest...I loved it!  I think the difference may have been that I had DS#1, who was older and more fun and interactive.  Also, my husband started working from home, so I had some interaction with him during the day.  Another thing is that I kind of got into the whole SAHM role more.  I started really cooking every night, and did errands during the day/went out to the parks with my boys. 

 With my first baby I didn't leave the house as much, and I felt like I had to spend all my time interacting with my son (instead of letting him play while I cooked, for example).  I think a lot of that had to do with being a FTM vs a STM. 

I never thought I would be a SAHM.  I always thought it wasn't for me...until it was a possibility, then I jumped at the chance. 

I think I wrote enough now! 

FrodaBaggins

Hmm, that's a tough one. Especially since you're feeling ambivalent about going back. Maybe they are picking up on that subconsciously?

I am the same as @ashleylucke and @mandyjimmy. I LOVE my job, and while I know it is going to be extremely difficult and come with a big heaping side serving of guilt each day, I am going to be dropping our son off at daycare in the morning once I head back after 12 week maternity leave. I worked really hard to get where I am now and I have a job that fulfills me emotionally, creatively, professionally - and I really appreciate the health benefits, etc. And even if I wanted to, it's not really an option financially unless we wanted to REALLY scrimp and save and change our entire lifestyle. 

Allison7

FTM here. I changed jobs in October. With my old job I was planning to be a SAHM. DH is the breadwinner and daycare to cover the hours I worked would have cost a huge chunk of my salary. Plus, I was miserable. I absolutely hated that job.

When I left in October, I took a position part time. It wasn't ideal to be pt, but it was at a place I really wanted to work at. Now, I love my job. I would love to be full time someday! Since the baby is coming, I am happy that it is part time. I don't want to give up my position since it took so long to get there, but I can have the best of both worlds with staying at home and still working. My mom is going to watch the baby 2 days a week and she will go to daycare the other day. If my mom couldn't watch her we would probably have me stay at home since I wouldn't make anything after paying for daycare.

For years I thought I would only want to be a SAHM, but having a job that you love does change your perspective!

kimberlybethh

STM. I thought I wanted to stay home after having dd but quickly changed my mind while on maternity leave. I hated being home alone all day with a baby. It's incredibly isolating and super monotonous. I went back to work full-time but found a part time position within my company about a month after returning from maternity leave. I love the balance I have now. I was very surprised that I went from wanting to stay home to being excited about going back to work. It's a a totally different reality once baby arrives so I wouldn't make any major decisions about work till then.

jenniferurs

FTM. I had planned on going back initially, but ended up quitting in the first trimester anyway, when the morning sickness hit such a high that I wasn't able to be productive during the work day any longer. Now that I'm home and the pregnancy is progressing, I think it's for the best. Ultimately, I'm going to try to get into a new field where I could work from home, but I think I'll just enjoy the time off in the interim. 

Lawgrl04

STM+ mom. When pregnant with my first, I was working a job that paid a lot but also demanded a lot of long hours.  I planned on going back to work part time, as my husband was in between jobs.  Then I developed severe preeclampsia at 29 weeks.  My husband stepped up his job search and found something that would support us.  I decided to stay at home, partly because I always wanted to, and partly because our little guy's lungs were extra vulnerable in the first year and I didn't want him in a daycare environment.  

It's interesting now to look back on this decision.  My oldest is 6.  I have friends who continued working (after longer maternity leaves), and some of them would have stayed home if they could have afforded it.  But now they have interesting careers and their kids are school aged.  So I think that is pretty cool.

I have an advanced degree and connections in my field, so I think I can go back one day (with a good amount of effort), but I didn't really love my job.  I didn't enjoy it enough to justify being away from my kids.  That's just me.  If I had a career that I loved more, it would have been a harder choice.  Also, my H works really long hours, so having two parents do that would be hard to manage.  Now I support my husband in his career and he's doing great.  We moved to another country, which would have been harder if I were heavily vested in my career.  I enjoy being with the kids and it is the right choice for our family, but sometimes I do miss the recognition that comes with working outside the home.

Being at home can be isolating, especially in the early years.  It is really on you to make a network of friends with kids so you can have a vibrant social life.  Fortunately, it can be done and it can be great.

Ok, so lots to think about!  As PPs said, keep an open mind and see how you feel.  So much of this depends on individual circumstances and preferences.  You will know what is right when the time comes!

PecanSam

With my job, I was out of the Country for minimum 20 days at a time and home maximum 10, in a month.

The Dr wrote me out of work as soon as I got pregnant, after reading my job description that my work provided.

About one month after I gave birth, I was furloughed anyway (about 300 of us). That was over 2 years ago.

I could never leave my children. It's not a financial strain for me to stay at home. And we both feel better knowing that we are raising our children and not someone else.

I have known other women that are very unhappy staying at home. They don't enjoy raising children full-time. So it's a very personal decision. Which ever one makes you happiest is best, so the whole family is happy.

FrodaBaggins

PecanSam said:

With my job, I was out of the Country for minimum 20 days at a time and home maximum 10, in a month. The Dr wrote me out of work as soon as I got pregnant, after reading my job description that my work provided. About one month after I gave birth, I was furloughed anyway (about 300 of us). That was over 2 years ago. I could never leave my children. It's not a financial strain for me to stay at home. And we both feel better knowing that we are raising our children and not someone else. I have known other women that are very unhappy staying at home. They don't enjoy raising children full-time. So it's a very personal decision. Which ever one makes you happiest is best, so the whole family is happy.

I just have to disagree with the bolded - kind of a hurtful thing to say to moms who are returning to the workforce either by choice or necessity. 

shevaCC

I work full-time and bring home a fairly equal salary to my DH. My working affords us a lifestyle we both enjoy...I'm pretty sure we would be able to make it on one salary alone but we'd have a lot more financial stress and not be saving/meeting our financial goals. Since I enjoy my job, I plan to continue working...I was hoping to go part-time but my job isn't open to that arrangement.

I really wanted to stay home for a year with DD. I've loved having her in daycare now that she's a toddler and enjoys the social interaction, but I HATED leaving her crying at daycare as a baby. This time around we're going either the nanny or au pair route for DS's first year. We hope to keep DD in part-time pre-school. After that, we'll decide whether to put them both in full-time daycare/pre-school or continue with the nanny/au pair arrangement.

dixielee05

STM DH and I decided early on that I would be a SAHM so we never used my income for monthly bills. We used it to pay off debt and travel. My employeer was bought out and the office environment changed drastically so it made my decision easy. I was miserable there toward the end of my pregnancy. I took my 10 weeks of maternity leave came back to work for a day and quit at the end of my shift (they didn't allow you to give/work out notices).

JadaBlue

My problem at work is the opposite-while intellectually I don’t believe healthy pregnant workers should be treated differently, I've been slammed lately and kind of wish they would cut me some slack. At the end of an 11 hour day I'm almost asleep at my desk! We've talked about keeping an open mind about me staying home (we could afford it), but it's very difficult for me to imagine making that choice. In my entire professional life I can only recall one colleague deciding to become a SAHM, so part of that might just be expectations.

workmm01

Thank you for all the replies. It's been helpful!