PPA/PPD/General Anxiety check in, anyone?

MrsT0514

So....I hope no one minds, but can we do one of these?

I've really been struggling with some shitty anxiety this week. Mostly self inflicted, I feel...which sucks. DS's EI evaluation is coming up in a few weeks (pedi recommended it for speech), and I am so fucking anxious about it. Im so afraid they're going to find "a problem" for lack of a better term.

Even though I know that there is no downside to getting EI services, and if he does qualify, it will only help, and most likely everything is just fine (even if he does just need some extra help), I'm still just an anxious mess.

I saw my therapist on Tuesday, which was nice bc I got to unload all of my feelings. She told me that what I'm feeling is to be expected and that I need to stop being so hard on myself. She also suggested that I take more time here snd there for myself to release some of my anxiety through yoga, running, meditation ,something. So thats my goal, I guess.

I also need to s top letting my mind run away with negativity. When I worry, I tend to think the worst and most of the time its unfounded. Ugh. Its exhausting.

How is everyone doing?

MrsT0514

@CtGirl30 Thanks. I know SHOULD bw looking at the eval as a positive (the EI person who did our initial intake appt even said, speech is the most common referral they get, hands down), IDK why my head is still running away with thoughts. I find I've been scrutinizing way too much and obsessing over milestones lately, which isn't good. The woman from EI even said herself, there is so much variance with skills/milestones in DS's age group, that I really shouldn't compare him to his peers, as all kids develop at their own rate.

Logically I know this, but apparently my head has been in my ass lately. I feel much better and more at ease since my therapist appt on Tuesday, aaaaand hormones are playing a part, bc I think Af is showing up early. Ugh.

Anyway, im sorry you're feeling anxious about your DH and DDs upcoming trip. Maybe try to look at it as good bonding time for them and it gives you and DS a chance tobond as well? Plus, rhe upside is that you will only have to juggle one kid for the week. Hang in there, mama!

LucilleAustero

I was so nervous for DD's EI eval. The anticipation was so much worse than the eval or the information we received. It was also validating knowing that we were right and that she did require physical therapy.

I developed pretty intense PPOCD, though I was misdiagnosed with PPD/PPA for a while. It took seven months to admit that my thoughts were not normal or rational. Zoloft was a fucking lifesaver. Now, I am 4 months pregnant again and the intrusive thoughts are returning and my insomnia is rearing it's head again. I am very open with my husband about my thoughts and feelings, so we are able to talk things out. I am no longer on Zoloft or in therapy, but I speak with my Ob about everything once a week. I will be leaving the hospital with a prescription for Zoloft this go around, as I can't go back to where I was.

MrsT0514

@LucilleAustero‌ I'm sorry you're struggling again. Thats great that youre being proactive though, by talking to your OB about meds after your deliver. Best of luck.

Its also great that you've have been able to open up to YH about your feelings. I have been talking to MH lately about my anxiety as well, but he's not the best at just hearing me out. he tends to get so caught up in trying to "fix" the issue, that he oversees my point in just needing someone to listen.

My therapist has been my sanity lately. I findthat just being able to get all of my feeling up and out by talking is usually enough to get my anxiety level down.

MrsT0514

@CtGirl30 I hear you on trying to get past each parent doing things differently. But I'm sure your DD will do just fine. Just think of how happy she's going to be to see you when they get home!

And of course, relish the time you get only having to wrangle one kid! Haha :-)

my5sons

These past few weeks have not been so hot. I've been waiting for my higher dose of Wellbutrin to kick back in and I'm just not feeling like it's as effective as it used to be. I have been on 300 mg for years, but was backed down to 150 at the end of my pregnancy, and have been back on the 300 for 6-7 weeks now. I feel like I should mentally be in a better place than I actually am. I am frustrated, impatient, very short-tempered, extremely moody, and anxious. I don't really have anyone to talk to IRL because no one I'm close to can really relate. My H is super laid back and easy going, rarely stresses out, and it takes a lot to get him fired up. We are pretty much polar opposites! So he doesn't understand what is going on with me most of the time. And how can I make him understand something I don't really understand either? I don't know why I struggle with depression, I just know that I DO. I hate it! I feel broken. I feel like I have been isolating myself more, avoiding anything more than surface contact with people. And if I do open up at all I think I have a tendency to withdraw even more. Does this sound crazy?

I hate that you ladies are struggling with PPD/anxiety/depression, etc...but there is a relief in knowing I'm not alone in this. And it's nice to have TB as a distraction from all the stressors and junk going on in everyday life.

aforst

@CTGirl30‌ I would be super anxious too. I always find the anticipation leading up to it is what I have the hardest time with. Once the time comes and the kids are off or us if it's DH and I going without them, I can calm down. I hope these next two months won't be too bad.

I'm only a week out from my csection, so I'm sure this is normal baby blues combined with our stressful situation. Having her in the NICU is so much harder than I thought it would be. I'm overwhelmed by the need to be there with her and be here with the boys.

Every evening is hard. I'm exhausted, in pain and super emotional. Having her there makes me feel inadequate. I don't know how to care for my own baby. It's hard relying on nurses to tell me what she needs. Thank God for pumping bc it's all I feel like I can control and contribute. She is very healthy, just small. I have so much to be grateful for, which makes me feel bad for feeling so bad.

Sorry about TL;DR. It feels so good just to get it out somewhere.

MrsT0514

So many hugs to you, @aforst‌ . I think the you're feeling right now is completely justified and to be expected. I can only imagine how hard it must be waiting for her to be released from the NICU. Try (keyword!) To take ot easy, get some much needed rest and recovery, and just take it one day at a time.


I remember the first month or so after my DS was born, I was a complete fucking wreck; and that was after a typical, uncomplicated, full term (well 37w 4d) delivery. I can only imagine how emotional you are right now. And thats ok to feel like that. ::huge hugs::