Career vs. Baby

shan22choice

The bible says in Titus 2:4-5 "There is no greater calling than to be a wife and a mother." I strongly believe that. However, I am a very driven person who has many personal and relationship goals some of which do not have room for a stroller or two.I love children and think that being a mother will give me more purpose and fulfillment than any job but unfortunately being a mom doesn't come with a stipend. My H and I are both pretty young, 25 and 23. He is open to having kids in two years (after our move across country) but he seems shaky. This June will be our one year anniversary. It was a rocky start. Although we're finding solid ground, I'm not sure if planning now (financial, physically & mentally) for a baby is something I should be adding to our plate. 

Question is: Should I wait for my career to blossom or just go for it?

Jags8

Well for starters, I'm agnostic so I don't share your same beliefs about motherhood being the greatest calling. But in any case, I believe in being set in a career before having kids. Also, you said you're 23? You have plenty of time.

But these are just my thoughts and opinions. You and your husband have to decide for yourselves.

sandrabrooke

I am a Christian...albeit liberal....and I take that as God wanting you to have kids....but not that it means giving up q career.

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

Pookieson

What @jags8 said.  I would definitely get my career in order and my relationship.  If you are barely working your way out of "shaky ground" I'd give it some time.  You are young.  Your uterus doesn't shut off when you hit 25.

Dreamingmommy4

If you are looking at this from a Christian standpoint then I will answer from there as well. Being a mother is an incredible gift from God, but whether or not that is for you is between you and God. Pray about it and do some listening and see where He wants to lead you verses where you are so sure you are supposed to go. And since you are so young, there is a chance you can have your cake and eat it too. If you feel like the timing is right, start your family now and raise your kids and then you can jump into career building when they start school and you could still be home for them in the evening (just a thought). I am young like you (I'm 22) and I was going to college and heading for a career because it was what I thought I was "supposed" to do, but after a lot of prayer I decided to stop all that and become a mom. I now have an almost 5 month old and I couldn't be happier or more content. This is what I was meant to do. But like I said, lots of prayer and make sure YH and you are praying together because whichever you choose will greatly effect both of you. GL!

CowgirlK39

Posts like these make me wish there was a board on this site for faith based discussions. I just feel like the point of certain posts get totally lost when people get wrapped up in arguing religion instead of helping the OP.

Anyway, I too believe you are young and have a lot of life ahead of you so you should wait. Above all, you should straighten out the "rocky" parts of your relationship though.

DebateThis

CowgirlK39 said:

Posts like these make me wish there was a board on this site for faith based discussions. I just feel like the point of certain posts get totally lost when people get wrapped up in arguing religion instead of helping the OP. Anyway, I too believe you are young and have a lot of life ahead of you so you should wait. Above all, you should straighten out the "rocky" parts of your relationship though.

OMG. NO. We do not need to go down that rabbit hole. It'll turn into a sub-board for Evangelicals and then another sub-board for Catholics and another for Jewish moms and then that will split into conservative, reform and Orthodox... and then the Evangelical board will split from the super Evangelical board for not being conservative enough and/or moms wearing makeup. Ugh.

I totally agree with your other point, though.

bumpuser794640

FWIW I believe the Bible to be God-inspired, but it is still man-made, and open to interpretation and translation based on social progress, etc.

The New Living Translation says (Titus 2:4-5) "These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes [some translations say "care for their homes"] to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God."

bumpuser794640

Joy2611 said:

GnomeSweetGnome said:

The New Living Translation says (Titus 2:4-5) "These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes [some translations say "care for their homes"] to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God."

This is worse than the OP's version...


I'm not going to get into it about these verses, I was just backing up the fact that other posters were right when they said that the OP didn't quote the Bible accurately.

DebateThis

Joy2611 said:

GnomeSweetGnome said:

The New Living Translation says (Titus 2:4-5) "These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes [some translations say "care for their homes"] to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God."

This is worse than the OP's version...

This is one of those times where it really pays to NOT take verses out of context - these were verses written to young wives and widows in Crete who had a particular habit of lazy behavior. More on that here: https://newlife.id.au/equality-and-gender-issues/busy-at-home-how-does-titus-24-5-apply-today/

And there's a good deal of debate surrounding what Paul meant (and if it was even Paul who wrote the book of Titus) but the stuff about submission that always gets everyone's hackles up does not mean what most modern folk think it does, and it's certainly not directed at every single person who reads it.

MrsBigTime

I don't think "just going for it" is the way to look at having children. If you are in the position to plan when you would like to have a baby, then I think you should plan for a better time than what your post sounds like. 

You are both young, and your marriage is young. I would advise you to grow as a woman and as a partner. 

Having a baby was never a question for me: I wanted one for as absolutely long as I can remember. But, I was young when we were married and I knew DH and I needed years together to build a solid foundation for our family. We waited 5 years before having our LO, and I am absolutely not suggesting you need to wait a certain amount of time, but by the time we had our daughter, we were both on good tracks with our careers and our relationship is rock-solid. The timing was totally not perfect, but I am so thankful we were surprised with our sweet girl when we were rather than a few years before. 

Motherhood changes absolutely every aspect of your life, I would recommend being sure you pursue the things which you would really like to do now, rather than after you become a mom.

eevieemariee

It sounds like you are both not ready for kids right now. You expressed goals and dreams you wish to achieve before having children, financial instability, relationship instabilities, physical instability, and your husband does not wish to have children right now. Not only that, but as others have mentioned "going for it" is not the best way to rear children. What, other than religious beliefs and you and your husband eventually wanting children, would make you think now is a good time? Work on your relationship as husband and wife, work towards your personal and professional goals and dreams, save up some money, relocate and once you're all settled in the new home, then discuss having children. Children are not something you have because it is expected of you, you have children because you want to and are capable of providing for them emotionally and physically.

CaveWmnInBrit

I have waited to even start trying till after 30 because of moves, career etc... 

I take comfort knowing I am in a place where we will be financially comfortable still with a child and I will get a nice maternity package with a job to go back to.  

You are very young and have plenty of time ahead of you.  Get settled first, build a nest egg, build an identity outside of just being a wife and mother.... then when you are ready go for it.

MNgirl326

1. Fix your relationship

2. Figure out your career (even if you want to be a SAHM, get a career set just in case)

3. If 1 and 2 are solid, THEN and only THEN start TTC.

 

 

jcsangelpen

Okay, first of all, God does not mandate an age that is best to start a family. That is very personal and situational and you and your significant other have to decide that. Nobody else can decide for you, whether you should have kids now or you should wait.

That being said, from what you wrote, it sounds like waiting at least a year or two (or more) would be good. It can't hurt to build up your career a little, save, and let your relationship settle in more. I know. I just passed my first anniversary and it has been quite a year. While I personally want kids as soon as possible, I know that the smart thing is to wait at least one more year so we are more financially secure and emotionally prepared for parenthood. 

Children are a blessing, but they are also a tremendous amount of work and stress. If, as you said, you have goals that don't fit with a stroller--focus on those first, at least for a little while and see how that goes. I've watched so many people jump into parenthood and regret it because they didn't have a chance to accomplish goals and dreams first. Anyway, like I said, you have to search your heart and decide. It's not wrong to want to work for awhile before having kids. Everyone is designed a little differently. Your heart isn't the same as my heart or your best friend's heart. Search your heart and desires first and foremost.

MrsRustyGriswold

fredalina said:

I have not read all replies but "There is no greater calling..." does not mean "there is no OTHER calling..." It means that when the time comes, your children will be your priority. Not "do nothing else but have kids." Unless your last name is Dugger.

I'll going to say that "there is no greater calling" could also mean that it can be a tie between family and career.  Works mathematically for me.

erinmc1

I truly felt in my heart that my greatest calling was to be a wife and mother.  I didn't much care about my career, though I'm educated.  My focus was on becoming a mom.  And then we started TTC, and it didn't work.  And then I had a hysterectomy at 31.  And we persevered and waited and learned patience, and I finally became a mom.  Your calling is defined by what God gives you the strength and fight for, even when, ESPECIALLY when, it's not easy.  

If your husband isn't on board to try now, wait until he is.  You have to want it together.  Because worst case scenario: if you CAN'T conceive, or if you do, and your child is special needs, those are things that will tear your marriage apart if it isn't BOTH your calling to parent.  It's difficult to become and be parents even when it's easy, and a terrible strain when it's difficult.  This isn't something you can choose alone, or steamroll your husband on.