Daycare grievance. WWYD?

KentuckyKate

Today my mom picked up LO from daycare, and while I was still at work, I got the following email from her. I plan on forwarding it to the director and asking her to call me tomorrow, but I wanted to run this past you all. This sounds horrible and not normal, right?

Background: The infant room is separated by a half wall. They usually let the tiny babies sleep back there in bouncy seats or pillow pods so the bigger babies don't mess with them. When my mom got there today, the remaining toddlers and infants were combined, and one of the teachers from the toddler room was in there. Abigail was alone on the other side of the wall, separated from the other babies, crying hysterically, with no toys, in the dark. When my mom questioned it, the teacher said its a policy to separate infants and toddlers. We've been going there 3x/week since January, and the infants and toddlers are combined in the morning and evening every day. I've never seen a baby isolated like this before, and I just think it's really cruel. Especially because Abigail is not a tiny newborn. She's 21 lbs and walking FFS, and we're talking about 1 year old toddlers.

So here's the email from my mom. What are your all's thoughts on this? Any advice on how to handle it? Thanks.


Katie,
I picked up Abigail today around 5 pm and was distressed to see her isolated in the play area with the fence. The light was off and she was standing at the gate crying her eyes out. When I questioned the worker as to why she was isolated form the other babies, she said it was because they have a rule if there are toddlers in the room, they isolate the crawlers. This makes no sense, because Abigail is the same size as the babies in the room. If she were to get hurt by one of them, they could just as easily hurt her, crawling. Not to mention. the lights being off. Usually, she is pretty happy when we pick her up.
Mom

riansmommie

I have no advice but feel so sad for Abigail. Poor baby

tttwalters

why was there not a daycare provider with her? She can not be left in a room (halfwall or not) by herself. Also with the lights off and her screaming? I would want them to address that issue as well. It seems almost as if they tried to brush it off as nothing. Do you always pick her up at the same time everyday? Do you ever do surprise pick ups at different times?

Murphie82

I wouldn't necessarily question or bring up their "policy", but I would totally question why your child was left alone, in the dark, without any toys, and crying.

ETA: Meant to say that I agree, what you described does sound horrible and not normal. You have every right to question wth was going on.

ASmallWonder

Well, a few thoughts.  First and foremost, I think it's totally right to ask what was going on and ask for clarification of the policy.  If it's accurate that the different ages are separated, it's worth asking why they can sometimes be combined.  This could be a matter of this worker being misinformed.  I don't like that she was in the dark since it doesn't seem it's nap time.  So a conversation is definitely warranted but don't start off guns blazing.  Ask questions, hear the answers and bring up your concerns.

However, your mom's assertion that same size babies should be treated the same is just wrong.  If there really is a policy about separation of ages, it goes by age, end of story.

KentuckyKate

We drop off and pick up at all times throughout the day. Sometimes she's there 7:30-1:00, sometimes 1:00-6:00, and all hours in between. The only time I've ever had a concern was actually the one other time I've seen this particular teacher in the infant room at the end of the day. Abigail and another baby were crying that day, and this teacher said something along the lines of how she doesn't pick up babies because she doesn't want to ruin her hips. I didn't say anything at the time but I thought it was very strange that she would be working in a daycare center and in an infant room no less if she wouldn't pick up a crying baby.

The separation of infants and toddlers doesn't actually go by age. There are 14 month olds still in the infant room every day with her. The criteria for moving to the toddler room is that the baby is both walking and off the bottle.

I don't plan on going in there guns blazing, but I really am pretty fired up right now.

WasNotWas

1.) what is the ratio laws? Were they putting her in the other room for ratio reasons? No matter what, in Florida, the law says a teacher has to be physically in the room with a child at any and all times

2.) why were the lights off? In the infant room the lights are never off unless it's a lockdown drill

3.) the separation of infants and toddlers is pretty common but it's usually based on skill set not age, so she should be fine to hang with the todds

WasNotWas

Also, sorry you are dealing with this. It sucks to not feel comfortable with where you are leaving your baby and trusting their care

KentuckyKate

The infant ratio is 1:5.  So anytime there are a combined total of 5 or less infants and toddlers, they cut to 1 teacher.  They also move toddlers into the infant room in order to cut a toddler room teacher if their census gets low.

Here is the email I just sent the director, with a forwarded copy of my mom's email.  I'm sure she'll be calling me in the morning, and when she does I'll probably bring up the thing about this teacher not picking up babies, too.  And anything else you think I should add.  Thanks for the support

Hi V,

Can you please look into this and clarify the policy for me?  My mom picked up Abigail today and found her separated from the other babies, on the other side of the half wall in the infant room, crying.  Not only was she alone, but she had no toys and the light was off. I'm normally very pleased with the care Abigail gets at [daycare center] but I would like to make it known that I don't want her isolated, even if there are toddlers in the room. I have seen the infants and toddlers intermixed many times at the beginning and end of the day, and we haven't had a problem.

Thanks,

K

AimeeSue02

I have had this exact scenario happen to me. My DC has a big room separated by a half wall and one section is for napping and the other is eating and playing. I found my LO crying alone with no toys one day in the nap area (also with a blow-out dirty diaper!) I was told she was "bulldozing" the other babies over by crawling in them. I. Was. Furious!! Too mad to even talk to them right then in fear of saying something rude. We complained the next day and said we never want her isolated away from everyone - especially for something she can't really control, she was only 8 months. The solution for crawling babies is not to isolate them, but to do your JOB and move the small ones/distract/etc.

cafecreme

My first instinct is to go right down there and question them. I honestly would probably pull her out of the class and find another daycare. 1 time to freak me out, or question their competency on taking care of my kid is all I need for justification. She should have never been treated like that, and you have every right to yell at them and take your business elsewhere. 

peachnectarine

I used to work at a daycare and (assuming your state's regulations are similar to mine) isolating a child and having the lights off are definitely not okay. Are both sides of the half wall considered different rooms? If it has a gate and she couldn't get to the side that the other kids were in, I would assume so. They could get into big trouble for that because the child is considered alone without supervision.

CoffeeBeanFiend91

I'd be furious! Depending on their response I would take time to have random drop ins and if it happens again pull her out. But that's just me.

amie444

I had this conversation with our Daycare teacher this morning.  And she said unacceptable, a teacher should have been on her side.  She said to file a complaint and start looking for a new Daycare, because at least in our state the ratio kid to teacher is the same until 2 years of age.   Sorry you are going through this

ASmallWonder

I'm trying to find the right way to explain my thoughts on this after reading all the "pull her out!" comments.  OF COURSE, you expect your children to be well cared for and safe.  They're your #1 andplusalso, you're paying for the service.  I do agree that what happened was wrong but mistakes happen and you have to be able to rank issues and also acknowledge when something sucked but caused no harm and can be corrected.

All I'm thinking is that last night, like I put in the spam thread, I forgot the baby monitor upstairs.  Little man was upstairs, in the dark, alone, screaming himself into a frenzy.  Like the OP's child, mine wasn't unsafe but it sucked but it was a mistake but worse because I didn't even KNOW he was upset and I felt awful but in the end, it was a mistake and I can fix it.  I'm not sure I'm making sense but kwim?  

peachnectarine

I agree with @elmoali. The director probably has no idea that this happened. If you make her aware of the situation, she can make sure something like that does not happen again, for your daughter and other children.

WasNotWas

I'm going to snowball off @elmoali 's comment with a personal anecdote...

I witnessed a child left alone, outside on a playground. I was walking in and a teacher was like running in, I said "you're going the wrong way!" and she kept saying "there's a kid on the playground"...there was a little girl, all alone on the playground outside. I go inside and the teacher tells the director and I pick up my kids and go home. Not 30 minutes later, I get a call from the area director (who was also there) explaining to me that 2 teachers were let go as a result of the incident and how they have policies in place to ensure things like that don't happen.

If that had been my kid I would have flipped, but the way they handled it made me realize that our daycare is highly professional. I don't think that the teacher's decision is necessarily a reflection of the school's performance. I think @kentuckykate 's e-mail is perfect and the way that the school responds will be telling of the quality of childcare her LO is really receiving.

cafecreme

kdc2007 said:

Beary+Ghastly said:

My first instinct is to go right down there and question them. I honestly would probably pull her out of the class and find another daycare. 1 time to freak me out, or question their competency on taking care of my kid is all I need for justification. She should have never been treated like that, and you have every right to yell at them and take your business elsewhere. 

this is a little extreme

I didn't necessarily mean yell at them, but I definitely would question them, and if I didn't like their response or wasn't reassured, you bet I would find another caregiver. 

cafecreme

melOHdy said:

Beary+Ghastly said:

kdc2007 said:

Beary+Ghastly said:

My first instinct is to go right down there and question them. I honestly would probably pull her out of the class and find another daycare. 1 time to freak me out, or question their competency on taking care of my kid is all I need for justification. She should have never been treated like that, and you have every right to yell at them and take your business elsewhere. 

this is a little extreme

I didn't necessarily mean yell at them, but I definitely would question them, and if I didn't like their response or wasn't reassured, you bet I would find another caregiver. 

I think someone said it in another post but it isn't always easy to find another caregiver.  I'd be concerned but I would see if there's a way to work through it without uprooting my child. 

Yea, I don't really understand that, as I am a SAHM and haven't gone through that. My daughter is the most important thing to me, and should be treated as such. If I didn't like the quality of care she was getting (incidences like that), I would be too paranoid to leave her there.

cafecreme

No, I wasn't trying to be arrogant, I was just stating the fact that I don't know where their coming from because i'm in a different situation. I don't know anything about daycare; but I can understand that it's probably very hard to switch (daycares). 

ASmallWonder

Yeah Beary, not liking how that came across.

This is what I was talking about with being able to rank issues.  There are things you pull your kid for even if it means losing your job - violence, abuse of some kind, etc.  There are things that warrant a VERY strong conversation because your child shouldn't be subjected to the thing long term.  That's what this issue is.  Of course if the OP isn't happy with the answer she should look for new care but, not to sound callous, her LO isn't going to suffer long term ill effects from it while she finds other reliable care (because being unemployed due to no child care isn't something you can choose if we're not talking imminent danger)

cafecreme

elmoali said:

Yeah Beary, not liking how that came across.

This is what I was talking about with being able to rank issues.  There are things you pull your kid for even if it means losing your job - violence, abuse of some kind, etc.  There are things that warrant a VERY strong conversation because your child shouldn't be subjected to the thing long term.  That's what this issue is.  Of course if the OP isn't happy with the answer she should look for new care but, not to sound callous, her LO isn't going to suffer long term ill effects from it while she finds other reliable care (because being unemployed due to no child care isn't something you can choose if we're not talking imminent danger)

I'm sorry if I came across arrogant. That definitely wasn't my intention. I was just giving my opinion (and where I come from with my opinion). I'm probably not the best mom to ask about stuff that's daycare related, but @kentuckykate, I hope things are clarified for you. Let us know what happens, 

cafecreme

Yea, I know i've said this before, but it all involves with punctuation, spelling and capitalization. 

kwim?

Know what I mean?