NBR: Church Struggles

kwrecks

I grew up in a church. We switched to this church from a catholic church when I was 5, and that's the only church I've known.  I went to the sunday school and wednesday night classes, and then when I was old enough I joined the middle school, and then the high school youth groups.  I went on mission trips.  I got married at this church.  When I got to college, I started working in restaurants and basically worked every single sunday and wasn't able to attend as much. Now that LO is here, and we have moved 30 minutes away from the town the church is in, it's much harder to attend, but I try hard to make it at least twice a month. 

I want LO to grow up in this church.  I like everyone there, even though the group of people I know is getting smaller because some people are leaving and joining other churches.  We are planning on moving back to the town I grew up in, and I will be closer to the church, and it will be easier for us to attend. 

When it comes to getting LO baptized, I immediately knew I wanted her baptized at this church.  I talked with the pastor (he has been there for about 6 years or so, he's the pastor that married us, but he isn't the one that I grew up with), and he basically said that they don't want to baptize her until we become more involved in the church.  I understand them wanting us to be involved....however, I don't want to wait too long to get her baptized.  I keep imagining something happening to her without her being baptized, and it frightens me.  And since there isn't any set thing saying how often I need to attend, who knows when she will be able to be baptized. 

I guess I'm just frustrated because I still feel like this church is my home church.  The people there are my church family.  If I have issues, or feel like I need prayers, these are the people I go to.  I have no where else to bring her to get her baptized.  I almost feel like I'm being turned away, just because I'm not as active as I used to be.  Am I being crazy for thinking that the church should still baptize E?  And for not wanting to go to some random church, where I don't know anyone, to have her baptized?  I am pretty sure it's not the congregation as a whole that feels this, but the pastor, and maybe some of the consistory.  ugh...I just am feeling rejected, I guess. 

kwrecks

Theusualmischief said:

This pisses me off.  I can't believe he is doing that.  Did you explain to him about your living situation?  Do you have someone at the church who is currently "more active" that could speak up for you (I hate to even think it requires that, but churches).  If they have classes before I'm sure you would attend.  Is there an associate pastor or someone who works there that is more familiar with you?  I can't believe he's willing to marry you and not baptize your daughter.  I am seriously getting worked up about this.

"Christians" being dicks is what gives Christians a bad name.

My parents are very involved. My mom is head of the prayer warriors and my dad is on the praise team. My mom said she wants to write a letter to the consistory, because it makes her question whether or not this is the church she wants to be a part of.

kwrecks

kwrecks said:

This pisses me off.  I can't believe he is doing that.  Did you explain to him about your living situation?  Do you have someone at the church who is currently "more active" that could speak up for you (I hate to even think it requires that, but churches).  If they have classes before I'm sure you would attend.  Is there an associate pastor or someone who works there that is more familiar with you?  I can't believe he's willing to marry you and not baptize your daughter.  I am seriously getting worked up about this.

"Christians" being dicks is what gives Christians a bad name.

My parents are very involved. My mom is head of the prayer warriors and my dad is on the praise team. My mom said she wants to write a letter to the consistory, because it makes her question whether or not this is the church she wants to be a part of.

The fact that your parents are so involved, something that ties you to the church beyond your own feelings, and he still denied you really gets me heated.  I'd have your mom bring it up at her prayer meeting.  I bet he wouldn't like it if a bunch of his parishioners starting complaining!  (what denomination are you? I've never heard the word consistory used like that)

we are Reformed Christian.

ETA: Also, I have no idea what parishioners are. haha

DaniB091

I would be upset about this too. It seems strange to me that he would say no when you attend twice a month. That's pretty regular! If you are a long time member, I don't see what the problem is. I know it is difficult for us to get to church every week with LO. I would hope he would understand that. As a Christian, it makes me sad especially since you are feeling rejected because of this (which I totally understand). I guarantee the rest of the congregation doesn't feel the same way the pastor does. I'm sure they would all love to see your LO baptized. I'm sorry you are dealing with this!

Bunnyfer

I am going through something similar. Home church is in Nj. We are in fl. Called the home church and they basically gave me the runaround. We were supposed to get her baptized next weekend, but had to cancel since church was not helpful. It has been pushed back to her first birthday now. I am not happy

kkay1982

This is ridiculous. In our church we dedicate babies and baptize when people are old enough to make the decision on their own. But our dedication and your baptism have the same idea. It makes no sense to say you are not "regular" enough. I agree about your mom writing a letter and honestly if the attitude from the church didn't change I would be looking at other options for a church to call home.

SarahinMD

On the flip side, as a pastor I do think it's important for parents to be active--it's a big deal to make a bow on your child's behalf that they will grow up to believe in and accept Jesus (one reason some early Christians didn't baptize babies was that was too big of a commitment and they considered that it the child did not grow into their own faith the parents had lied to God.

That said, as a pastor I simply discuss with parents the importance of this, but yes I'd want to see some involvement. But being a regular worshiper these days does actually mean 2 Sundays a month for most (gone are the days when it was assumed all Sundays a month).

I think the concept of baptism being more than just a gesture is in principle an appropriate one. But perhaps too strictly applied here. Though RC is a more conservative denomination ham my own so I don't know the norm.

Have you asked what level of involvement he means?

But ultimately you should be part of a church where you feel you feel both cared for and challenged to grow as a disciple. And where your child has the same opportunities. You will probably only be able to be that comfortable at this church of you can have an open direct conversation with your pastor.

BTW...I would flip if I got push back from my council about who I chose to baptize or not (I can't think of a baptism I've refused aside from people in no way connected to my or any other church). So if your goal is to have your child baptized there, getting lots of other people involved, while it may help you vent frustration, will likely not be helpful and could be very hurtful to the congregation.