Intro - siggy warning and LC mentioned

MrsLaurenandDan

Hi, I didn't see a newbie thread or blog, so I'm not sure what the rules are.

I have a "sunshine baby" who is 2.5 and my angel was stillborn at 20w almost 6 months ago.

With my angel Noah, I had terrible HG and had a pump for Zofran and a PICC for IV fluids daily at home. I lost an average of 4lbs a week in 1st tri, and 2lbs a week in 2nd tri. At 18w we were told after an ultrasound that the ventricles in his brain were enlarged. Normal is 5-8mm, and Noah's were 18. He has a cyst in his brain that prevented the cerebellum from forming and what was left of his brain was being crushed by the cyst and the fluid. There was no hope of survival and I was induced at 20w.

The 6 month milestones are hard for me. I also feel like everyone was supportive at first, but now they think I should be over it. I share my grief pretty openly, and I've started getting comments about how I seem "unhealthy" and they are "worried about me." Which just infuriates me. I take care of my LO, I am out at playgroups with him where I am around other babies Noah's age, I volunteer coach at the high school and I am in therapy. I function, but I'm grieving.

We did mild fertility treatments with DS1 (femara + progesterone) and just progesterone with Noah. We have been TTC again and are seein an RE. We have MFI as well as low egg count/quality for me and only one functioning ovary. We have been getting all this IF news I the last 2 weeks, which somehow makes my grief stronger.

I need a safe place to vent and talk to other moms who "get it" and am hoping this community will be a good fit.

bunnybun4

((hugs))  I am so sorry that you have to be here, but glad you have found such a great place for support and full of people who "get it".  I also lost my daughter to a terminal diagnosis of hydrocephalous (also found at my AS)...it was literally a nightmare.

I'm sorry you aren't feeling very supported by your friends/family.  Grief can be such a lonely road and process..please use this board as much as you want to vent and grieve...I have come here so many times with my feelings and irrational thougths and was amazed at how many people were feeling the same way.

gracie5107

I am so sorry for your loss.  It sounds like you have been through a lot.  I'm glad you made your way here.  It's helpful to find others in similar situations who just "get it" better.  It is a great support!

MrsLaurenandDan

Thanks ladies. Is a siggy/ticker warning the norm here?

bunnybun4

I can't speak for everyone I guess but I would say since your son is no longer a "baby" then I see no need for a ticker/siggy warning...we do like warnings for pregnancy tickers as well as babies.

MrsLaurenandDan

I'll wait for a few more to weigh in before posting on other posts.

TeamWinForever

I'm so sorry for the loss of your Noah. I lost my Fiona a month ago at. 25 weeks after a primary cmv infection. I also have an almost 3 year old at home. I think you will find a lot of support here because we all "get it. " I'm so sorry that you need to be here, but I'm glad that you found us.

Bgirma

I am so sorry for your loss. I also had HG and was in and out of the hospital battling dehydration for months. Lots of zofran (pills and the patch!) was the only thing that made it possible for me to finally start gaining weight in the 3rd trimester. I remember feeling so guilty about this but I told my husband that I wished I had never gotten pregnant because going through all of that pain and sickness to not even get to take my baby home seemed cruel. Of course, I'm glad I had my son and am just sad that we don't get to raise him.

I'm coming up on 4 months and am starting to feel like people think that I should be moving on. I totally relate to functioning but stil grieving and I think that is totally normal! Are you seeing a counselor? That has helped give me an additional place to "feel normal" and talk about my experience.

This board has been really helpful for me and I hope the same for you!

lexusolsen

I'm so sorry for your loss. I have a 2.5 yr old sunshine baby too. Her little brother was due a week before her third birthday. I'm a working mom out on leave and find that play dates and trips to the park are so difficult. It's not fair that all those other people get to enjoy raising their babies and we do not. Hang in there.

shandorfml2

I am so sorry for your loss of sweet Noah. This is a safe place to vent, cry and talk about our grief and babies. ((((Big hugs))))

LyndseyTS

I'm so sorry for the loss of your little one Noah. This community has been a great support to me and I trust that it will be to you as well. No weigh in on the ticker warning, though.

lexusolsen

MrsLaurenandDan said:

Thanks ladies. Is a siggy/ticker warning the norm here?

I don't know the answer to this, but if it is preferred I apologize for offending anyone. I'll watch this thread for an answer.

nohalo21

I'm sorry for your loss. The ladies here are a great support. It's only been 1 month since our loss but I feel like I'm already getting the "move on" looks. I will never move on since she was a part of me. Until they are truly in our shoes, it's something I think no one will understand.

VyD81

I'm sorry for your loss of Noah. It's ok to vent here, we get it. Unfortunately, people in our lives don't understand the depth of grief from losing a baby or understand how we yearn to hold our babies in our arms. It's perfectly "healthy" for you to talk about your child, just like people talk about their love ones who passed away and still grieve years later. We don't stop loving them or stop remembering them. Our babies are loved, and existed. 

I came to realization that it's ok for people not to understand, and I tell them that they will never understand, it's my choice to grieve however I want and talk about my son. 

MrsLaurenandDan

Thank you ladies. It looks like the consensus is the warning isn't needed. I'm so sorry that we are all here.

PerkyErky

*Siggy warning*

You were on my BMB and my heart broke when you lost your Noah.

March 27th was the 1 year angelversary for my daughter and I still grieve everyday for her. People who have never lost a child just don't understand that the pain never goes away, we just learn to live and function with it.

I have found this board so incredibly supportive. I hope you find it to be a safe place and find comfort.

ETA: I think ticker/siggy warnings are nice (expected) if you have a pregnancy ticker or pics of babies. Older children I don't see an issue with. I put one for me since I have tickers for all my children and never know how that might make others feel.

Xath

***ticker warning***

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your Noah. People who haven't gone through what we have assume that there's some sort of time line to "get over" our losses and "move on." We know that there's no such thing. We find ways to move forward, but not over. I hope you find the help and support you're looking for here.

MrsLaurenandDan

Hi @PerkyErky‌! It's good to hear from someone from the March14 board. That had to be so hard having your EDD so close to the angelversary. I keep hoping to have a living outside baby by the time that my EDD comes around again, but I'm not sure it will happen.

MCH77

Siggy warning


I lost my son at 24w, 3 months ago. I had a D&E and returned to work quickly. I needed the distraction, home was killing me. I think most people in my life think that since I was able to get back to "normal" everyone thinks I'm ok. I'm not.

We ended up getting pg on our first cycle of trying. What are the chances?! Never happened to me before. Now I think everyone is going to think im really ok.

Ugh. I'm sorry and understand.

Noethola

***ticker warning***

I am so very sorry that your loss of Noah is the reason we welcome you here. 

What you are experiencing with your grief is normal, so do not let people try to tell you otherwise. We lost our babies, our dreams for them, their futures. We did not lose a pet, an inanimate object or anything like that. Grieving a child is VERY different from grieving other family members. It just is.

As for the ticker bit, I always do one with new members and if i am starting a post. If its in some of the check-ins or something then sometimes I don't. Pregnancy tickers tend to be harder to see for the group than those of children, especially older children. We do like to celebrate rainbow babies with each other!

Jellybean71514

I'm so sorry for the loss of your son Noah- this board is a great form of support even if we hate to have to welcome you here xo

Noethola said:

***ticker warning***

IWe lost our babies, our dreams for them, their futures. We did not lose a pet, an inanimate object or anything like that. Grieving a child is VERY different from grieving other family members. It just is.

Someone recently told me she understood how I felt because she felt the same way when her dog died...... I've had dogs that have passed .... ummmm no that's not the same as what I am going through here. Understand she was trying to help but unless you have lost a child you don't understand.

milb11

I am so sorry for the loss of your Noah. I think you've come to the right place. We definitely get it. 

I am also sorry that people expect you to just be over it. I feel like we should get credit for functioning despite our grief. It's hard to find joy in the day-to-day activities after a loss. People don't realize the amount of strength it takes to just get out of bed after a losing your baby. Kudos to you and the rest of the moms on this board who are being strong with a broken heart. 

stefuge

***DS mentioned***


I am so sorry for your loss of little Noah. We are always here to listen whenever you need us. I am so sorry that you aren't receiving support IRL. People who haven't been here don't understand and it is really crummy. There is a quote I like "grieving a child is like mothering a child - a life long journey." This is how I see it - Colton doesn't need much from me anymore, but my main job as his mommy is to remember him. To talk about him, to teach my living son about him, and to make him a part of our lives.

I have tickers for both of my boys and don't usually put a warning. In general, ladies include warnings for pregnancy tickers or photos of babies, although older children are usually less of a concern. If you are talking about a living child in your post, it is nice to put a warning for that as well. For the most part, we don't have strict rules about this, but generally just try to to be sensitive to everyone else here.

kflynn81

Hello and welcome to the board, so sorry for your loss. Your siggy looks familiar, I think you may have commented on something of mine in the past... my Jack had Dandy Walker as well but we delivered due to an early onset of preeclampsia. Sorry you find yourself here but this board is a great source of help!

mingaling2

I'm so sorry for your loss.  I hope you can find some comfort from the wonderful ladies on this board.

angelsnight

Ticker warning

I'm glad you're here, it's a wonderful place for support, but so sorry that you have to be.  I went through the same thing, after so many months, many people assume you're over it and don't understand that it's something we'll never ever get over.  We move forward and it hurts somewhat less with time, but it's always there and somedays it hurts just as much as the day it happened.

People who haven't been through it will just never understand.  Grieve how you need to grieve and don't let anyone tell you it's wrong.  I'm sorry about your IF struggles, we dealt with that as well.  IF is always hard, but on top of loss too, it's just so unfair. 

mmsweeney1

* ticker *


I'm so sorry for your loss, but I hope you'll find it helpful here. I am also having my 9 month milestone and these days are still so hard. I think I am the only one left (out of family members) who even remembers these dates still. I just wanted to echo other people that we'll never be over these experiences, no matter what outside people think or expect.