how much is enough to request a change in CO

mccall0113

DS12 (Aspergers) has been coming home in tears the last 3 visits.  Had to come home early last week.  XH still doesn't have suitable housing for over night visits so he has to forfeit summer breaks and long holidays.  It's been 2 years since divorce and I had to give him  a substantial settlement.  He says he is building a house but won't tell me where or when it will be done.  communication is non existent.  and today he forgot to get DD9 off the school bus.  it's a bunch a little things but I think the kids would be so much better off emotionally if they had another home to go to.  There was an order of protection (the second) recently but CPS determined the case unfounded.  XH restrained DS unnecessarily.  I know this post is all over the place but feeling so frustrated with him and the system.

Wahoo

I don't know the answer, but wanted you to feel "heard."

I would talk to a lawyer and start building a case against him.  Does DS12 have a therapist or specialist who can serve as his advocate?  Often in cases of neglect, it's a "your word vs. his" situation, but I think your case would be stronger with a counselor / specialist backing you up.

Were you the one who reported XH restraining DS?  

Start documenting DS coming home in tears, his return early (if xH is forfeiting time he has, at least you can say he isn't using the time he is given), the bus incident.  Get any impartial backup you can (reports from the school or bus company).  Obviously, everybody makes mistakes - but if you document enough over time maybe it will show he isn't a good caretaker.  

Maybe you can post on the special needs board?  They might have some advice concerning DS12

widgetsnm

DOCUMENT EVERYTHING!!! Go OCD with documentation. Just get a spiral notebook and write down exactly what is happening date/time. When he calls, write it down. When he texts, write it down. Jot notes about what was discussed. Talk to your cell phone ppl to see if you can print text messages. Usually they are saved for the previous 3 months.

This will help immensely in building a case. It might help to hit down things that you do or say that makes your DS cry or have any type of episode. You might notice a pattern (there might be something else going on at school or with environmental factors that you can eliminate).

Every child does better with a stable environment, but a child with asbergers would def benefit greatly from having a second home. I think you are not out of line to request the location of the house (or building site), since this is where your DS will be raised! Talk to a lawyer on that one!!

Good luck!