In-laws and never being included

moo8950

My husband has three sisters with kids. They are always doing things together with their kids and leave us and our little ones out of it... whether it's just hanging out, taking trips, or going on full blown vacations together. They never invite us nor let us know about anything they're doing. I am always learning about it from Facebook with their regular posts & photos taken together. Not one of his sisters will even text to ask how we are, how the kids are. I feel like we barely exist to them and it doesn't make sense. 

What really gets me going is that they and all of their kids are so close, but never see, ask about, or involve our kids in any of the fun. I would love for our kids to have some kind of relationship with their cousins who are all good friends. It's really confusing & hurtful to me while my husband is really ticked off about it and has given up on caring anymore. I'd shoot them a friendly text or ask if we could get together sometime but I feel so unwelcome to. They never have an interest

TheBub

mbenit4 said:

They obviously don't want you around so do you really want to force the issue?

Or make them spend time with you?

I don't agree with this. Yes, you should reach out. At least try. Asking them to get ice cream is not "making them spend time with you." They could decline.

Do you guys have different lifestyles? Do they SAH while you work? Or vice versa? Maybe they think you are busy.

I have friends that rarely include us in plans that aren't kids bday parties. They are home during the day, while I work. Yes, sometimes it makes me sad to see them all having fun, but I'm not reaching out to them on the weekends either. Does this rambling make sense?

TheBub

Eeek...dup!

LaurelBee

@mbenit4‌ dude, way harsh!

OP- If you don't put yourself out there, you will never be included. Invite them places. Host a cousins playgroup. Offer to have the cousins over for a sleepover or just pizza and pajama party so the parents can go out for a kidless dinner. Be vocal on FB "Aw, it looks like you guys had so much fun! Dd loves the zoo. Call us next time and we'll tag along!" They probably have no idea they're upsetting you.

On the other side, be prepared to see your Sils all the time when you start getting invites. You may just want to keep quiet!

klondikebar

Maybe it's a sister thing. Are they all close in age and your DH is much older or younger? What are the children's ages? It's hard to give advice without knowing your family's complete dynamics.

Your DH could invite them over for a bbq and present it as a chance to have the children play together. Make a ton of water balloons and mixed drinks. It's easy to start with something casual centered around the children.

my5sons

lol at cunt totem pole!!!!

angelashly

I want to know if your husband is upset by it why isn't he saying anything. Also I agree with pp maybe it's a sister thing. If it is that is the case that is wrong of them to leave out your kids.

I also agree with inviting them to do stuff.

littlestjerry

We have a very similar issue with DH's family. MIL/FIL and SIL/BIL and their children are together like all the time. All. The. Time. I struggle a lot with feeling left out and feel very sad for DS that he will clearly not be as close with the in-laws as my nieces and nephew are. DH did talk to his parents about it, and they've made a little more of an effort to include us. 

The best thing I have tried to do is take some control back. We don't automatically go to the few events we're invited to just to feel included. We go if we really want to go. We try to focus on the fun of hanging out together as our little family. It helps me feel more in control of the situation and see the positives. 

I won't lie, though, it's hard. It's sad, but at some point it is what it is. I'm trying to reach peace, if you will, with the situation. 

ASmallWonder

Of course it needs to be said that there could be some particular reason your family isn't being included but if you honestly don't think there is one, I really think it comes down to a guy/girl, brother/sister thing.  Yes, I'm making generalizations but I think women tend to be the social coordinators in most families and with three sisters, it seems they're extremely close.  Of course, some brothers and sisters are as well (my brother and I are) but it seems plans with the sisters comes more naturally.

My husband and his wife spend TONS of time with her family because she coordinates it.  My BIL just doesn't really GAF, kwim?

ASmallWonder

TyrannosaurusLex said:

Of course it needs to be said that there could be some particular reason your family isn't being included but if you honestly don't think there is one, I really think it comes down to a guy/girl, brother/sister thing.  Yes, I'm making generalizations but I think women tend to be the social coordinators in most families and with three sisters, it seems they're extremely close.  Of course, some brothers and sisters are as well (my brother and I are) but it seems plans with the sisters comes more naturally.

My husband and his wife spend TONS of time with her family because she coordinates it.  My BIL just doesn't really GAF, kwim?

Wait did you just come out as being polygamous?11!

Snort.  Fail.

klondikebar

I was hoping OP would provide some more information. I don't see a problem with wanting the cousins to get to know each other and reaching out to the SILs. There's also nothing wrong with not having a relationship with certain family members. Everyone doesn't have to be chummy just because they're related. But this all depends on the back story. OP, come back.