Independent play

traveltheworld

One of the threads below got me thinking - how good is your LO with independent play?  DS (21 months) is terrible at it - as in, he'd play for at most, 90 seconds, by himself.  He goes to DC 2 days a week and does fine there, but when he is with home with me, he always wants me to play with him.  Even if I'm not actively playing with him, he wants me to sit near by and watch him play.  Since I work FT and only see him on evenings and weekends and do enjoy playing with him, I always comply.  But now I'm wondering if I should try to reinforce independent play more?

jf198400

Well this is why I had a second child Lol, they entertain each other. My DS is 2 and he is pretty good with independent play, he'll sit and play trains or play in his toy kitchen. But both kids have times where they want my attention. I try to play with them when they ask since I'm at work all day and don't get enough time with them. I think all kids are different and your DS is completely normal. My only advice is to set him up with a specific toy/activity like trucks or blocks nearby where you are cooking/cleaning/etc. so you can still see him and talk to him while he plays.

MommaP12

My first was not good with independent play until he was about 3.5-4.  My MIL watched him until he was 3 and he had 100% of her attention all the time.  DD has been in DC since 6 months old and is great at independent play so I feel like that might be a factor but I know every child is different so it also may not be a factor.

DD is so good and doing her own thing and while DS has gotten better with age he does still ask for someone to play with him a few times a week.

mlee116

DS is getting better at it, but he still wants either DH or me to play with him or read to him most of the time.  And since we don't see him during the day, we usually do it.  In the evenings whichever one of us is not cooking dinner plays with him, then we switch off so the other can clean up dishes.  If DH isn't there when I'm busy and DS wants me to play, I involve him in the task.  He likes to play with his playdough on the counter while I cook and help set the table.  He plays best independently when he's outside for some reason, which is nice because we can just sit and relax

I like having our playtime after work/school because its a fun way to relax and a way for us to "connect" after being apart all day. Some days are harder than others, but I really try to drop everything and play since it means a lot to him and there's only so long he'll want to play with mama.  

djm31012

DS is pretty decent at it. that being said, I do actively engage him while we are together at night/on weekends. I am not going to purposely leave him on his own to make him play independently when i onyl see him for 1-2 hrs per night, thats stupid. He is fine..he wants to play with you because he misses you. I am sure if you put a pile of toys in front of him, he will jump from one thing to the next and before you know it 30 minutes has passed. DS doesnt play with one thing for more than a minute..but he will bounce around all his toys.

VOR

DS is good at it.  He was home w/ me yesterday, actually, and he spent a good chunk of the afternoon doing his own thing.  But he'll go through spurts where it's "mama- come play with me". 

If you want to try and get your DS to play more on his own - I'd start with just being in the room w/ him.  Read a book while he's playing.  But just BE there w/ him.

I'm sure a part of it is that he misses you too and wants you to be w/ him.  I'd just try to find some balance.

mae0111

DD1 (4.5) is terrible.  We've always had nannies, and our current nanny is really good about encouraging independent play.  She's also in pre-K 3 days a week, so she's getting good social interaction between that and her various activities.  But if DH or I are around, she might last 5-10 mins by herself before begging one of us to play, too.

DD2 (13 months) is awesome.  She is constantly off by herself (within our vision, of course) playing, unloading and loading containers of toys, climbing on stuff, etc.  She loves to play with DD1, but she also just does her own thing a lot.

jlaOK

DS is almost 4 and has never been good at independent play.  There are some times that he goes into his own imaginary world and plays but for the most part he wants DH or I to play with him or at least be near him when he plays.  I'm hoping that as DD gets older they will be happy playing with each other.  DS tries to get DD to play with him now but she just usually chews on whatever toy he gives her.

itsmevkb

My kids are awesome at playing independently and, for the most part, at playing with each other.  Not sure how that happened except that I find myself saying "go play" and they comply.  I am always near by and often times the younger two come over to show me things and I'll chat it up with them for a minute and then they'll go back to playing by themselves. 

CarrieB.

My almost 3 year old has always been awesome at independent play. I think dads in general are good at encouraging independent play, so it's a great benefit of having my DH be the day time caregiver. It's nice that she can play play dough or trains while I'm cooking dinner.

emberlee3

DS is finally getting better at independent play. He also tries really hard to get DD to play with him, but she is a little young to really get his more sophisticated ideas. DD likes to play with her dolls and her play kitchen with me nearby. The kids are also good about sitting at the table to draw while I make dinner (at least sometimes).

MommyAtty

My 21 mo DD is fantastic at playing alone. In fact, I used to worry because she really didn't like anyone else playing with her, though she does pretty often after a long stretch of solo play want everyone to watch her play or to read to her or dance with her. Now she plays with other kids which is so fun to watch. My BFF since we were 12 has a son who at 6 still can't play alone even for a few minutes. So I think it's really kid-specific.

dashofreality

Personally, I believe it is part of my job to help my kids learn to play independently.  I make sure that I carve out specific time that I do play with them and I make sure that during that time they have my full attention with no distractions. But recently I've actually had to force myself to step back and let my kids play by themselves without me interrupting. Your kid is still young, but I try to make sure that I am not playing for myself, but for them.

There is a great book, I think it is Playful Parenting. He gets into a lot of aspects of play and the importance, including how adults take over play when they join. This can be good and bad. So like everything, I try and go for a balance.

JackieB15

I think some kids are just better at independent play than others. I was content to play by myself in my room all day and my brother always had to be interacting with someone else. We're the same way as adults, I have no problem just sitting by myself and doing whatever I want (not that that ever happens anymore) while he always has to have someone around - nothing wrong with that - he has lots of friends.

 

rubber_chicken

DD is 22 months, and she was terrible at independent play.  We'd be lucky to get 3 minutes out of her, and then she'd want one of us to play with us.

However, in the last two weeks, that's changed a bit.  A few times now, she's played on her own for up to 10 minutes.  Hallelujah!

traveltheworld

To clarify - I don't actively play with DS all the time as I want him to explore toys and his environment on his own.  For example, we have a giant train table, and he plays that by himself for 10 - 15 minutes at a time.  BUT, I have to sit right next to it.  If I try to walk away or try to read a book or something, DS freaks out.