GTKY--Young Love Edition

Davie813

So my college boyfriend is getting married (ah, Facebook--what would we do without you?).

In honor of the occasion, and because the check-in question about how we met our spouses got me thinking about this stuff, tell us about your first love. Where did you meet him/her? What did you learn from the whole experience? What kind of relationship do you have with him/her now? Share as much or as little as you're comfortable with....

Davie813

I'll start. I actually went to high school with the college boyfriend (CB for short), and apparently he had a crush on me. Or so I heard. He didn't particularly talk to me or anything. We ran into each other again at a party in our home town when I was a sophomore in college and he'd just graduated. We kind of hooked up, he stuck around to get a Masters degree, and that was it for the next 3+ years.

We loved each other, well, a lot, but we didn't get along AT ALL. We fought. We broke up. We got back together. And repeat. It honestly wasn't any fun at all.

After we broke up for good, we went off to neighboring grad schools, developed completely opposite sets of politics, and actually got to be decent friends. I aged, he aged, and the women he dated stayed pretty much in their mid-late 20s. I gave him plenty of crap about that. His fiancée is a lot younger, and while I think he and she are the real deal and will be very happy, I have to say I'm annoyed that men can put things off as long as they like (he's 42), and not worry about fertility...

What did I learn? The Eagles had it right. Sometimes (mostly, probably) love just ain't enough. Compatibility matters. I didn't _apply_ that lesson until I met DH, but there it is...

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

CML11

First love was a high school crush. Our school would travel to NY and compete with other schools (about 500 students)that would be there. His school was one of the NY ones. He was the captain of the basketball team, drop dead gorgeous and I had the biggest crush ever. Finally senior year I got up the nerve to talk to him. It ended up turning into a long distance relationship for a year after. I went off to college and he went to the Airforce. I lost touch with him till about 4 years ago, he found me on FB. Boy does he look different now! Ha! He married the girl he dated after me and has two teenage daughters. That's super weird seeing how I don't any any, much less teenagers! We exchanged a few emails about what we're doing now. I got a funny feeling his wife wasn't ok with our contact because he said something about needing to delete some female friends. Didn't bother me, I want him to be happy. Very sweet guy.

Davie813

These are great--thanks for sharing!

KirstenAlecia

First love was in HS. My friends and I saw him the summer before  school started at a fast food hang out popular with kids in our school. All my friends were going gaga over the hot guy 3 tables down. Come the start of the school year friends and I see him again (he was unforgettably gorgeous!) Turns put he was the new kid and a year ahead of me (i was a sophomore he was a junior) Apparently he remembered seeing me and eventually approached me. We dated all that year and half the next until his parents moved and he had to go with them. He tried to make arrangements to stay because we really didn't want to break up….sadly it did not work out like that and away he went. 

Fast forward to 20 years old and he finds me  (literally showed up at my door….huge shock to me…like heart dropping shock) and says he has been looking for me for a couple years. I had just had my daughter and was in a relationship with her dad. I spent a few hours  talking to him and he disappeared again.

Fast forward to about 2 years ago and he finds me again. Tells me he has been looking for me on and off for the last 14 years. Heartbreaking things he went through. The really really sad thing is i had looked for him too on occasion and he was in Utah last I knew so I moved on and did not attempt to find him. He Asked about my marriage…asked if I was happy. At the time I was not but I lied to him and said i was. He told me he was never supposed to leave me and all this other crazy stuff. Thought we were supposed to have ended up together (i told him he was crazy and that people change too much from teenagers to their 30s…he didn't seem to care He was so sure) 

 I told him it was nice to hear from him. Nice to know he was well, but that i didn't think friendship was in the cards for us. Your first love ending unfinished and without closure is not a good idea to bring that person back into your life. I blocked him on Facebook (he has a girlfriend and is still gorgeous) And that was the end of that. I am glad I made smart decisions cause now my marriage is amazing. 

URMySunshine77

@Davie813, I am loving all of these stories!

I never said "I love you" to my first love. We were camp counselors together at a religious camp when I was 19 and 20. The first year he was dating another girl. I thought that he was handsome and, more importantly, hilarious. That is always my most important romantic attribute. He had red hair, a heart of gold, and a beautiful broad chest that set my heart aflutter at the swimming pool. He was so good with the children. I could see him as a father right away.

The second year we were counselors together, we started hanging out. We never became an official couple because he was reading a religious book popular at the time about the value of courtship. He gave it to me while we were hanging out, and it was a good idea but not good for us. When I went back to college in the Fall, we communicated but we could never say how we really felt for each other because of that damned courtship nonsense. I broke up with him after a few months because I didn't like not knowing our status and we were so far apart. Maybe it would have worked out, but we were really alike in the fact that we are both quiet introverts who have a hard time admitting romantic feelings. There was always the romantic admission that we were dancing around.

He lives in my hometown in the Midwest and sees my little sister once in a while, so I've kept my pulse on his life through the years. He got married young (21?) and they had two kids. I saw him at Barnes and Noble maybe when I was 25. His kids were screaming and he and his wife looked tense. It was not a good time for me to go up to them. I chickened out and pulled a magazine over my face.

A few years later my sister said that he and his wife had divorced because he cheated on her. That absolutely floored me because he was always the most genuine and true man that I (thought) I'd ever known. My sister said that he told her that he made a huge mistake with the whole courtship idea and that he wished that we had stayed together. A little piece of my heart crumpled with that admission.

My sister updated me a couple years ago that he got remarried and he has at least one more child. I assume that he is happy now? I have resisted the temptation to write or contact him since I'm married and living across the country. If we happen to meet back in our hometown, I would love to see him and his wife. I think back on him with bittersweetness. Maybe we would have worked out if we had been a little older, in the same town, and could have communicated our feelings. I know that he is a great dad and person, and I hope that he feels my admiration from afar though it has been more than 15 years.

BeckyP005

I met my "first love" in Yugoslavia when I was 18. It was a Junior Tamburitzan festival with other groups from all over. I was in a Pitts group he in Ohio group.

We first met on top of this mountain overlooking the city listening to music and dancing. Another girl liked him but he choose me!! Lol. We hung out every time our groups met up in the different cities.

He was a yr younger. We dated 2 yrs. He came to college near me but hardly saw him because of the traveling he did with a folk ensemble. Such a talented violinist.

He broke up with me because his godfather told him he needs to have "fun". Broke my heart. We still kept in contact. We both married and both got divorced. Both remarried. I still keep in contact with him. 28 yrs. We always wondered why we didn't marry. We hooked up during those yrs

I still get butterflies. I never believed in soul mates but I think he was mine. We still talk about how we met What fun memories. He has a little girl and I've met his wife. Yes I love MH! Lol.

hooligans4

My first love was pure and true love. He is the only other man I have ever loved besides my husband.

We met in high school. His best friend was dating my sister and he was always at my house. I was a sophomore and he was a senior. We hooked up one night and stayed together for 2 1/2 years.
Looking back now it was easy to love him so much. We had no responsibility and lived stress free.

It all went down hill when he turned 21. It was my first semester in college and even though we both commuted to schools we never saw each other. He was more into drinking with his friends and smoking pot. I wasn't into either so I was never included in their gatherings. We went over a month without seeing each other so I moved on and hooked up with someone else.

Even though it didn't end well we did manage to become friends again. We did sleep together about a year after we broke up. It was like our closure to the relationship. We kept in touch for a few years. He came to see me after I had my daughter.
He is married now with 2 girls I think. We lost touch with each other because his then girlfriend ( now his wife) was jealous of me and since we would never get back together I just backed out of his life. He lives a few towns from me but I haven't seen him in 15 years but if we ran into each other we would still be friends.

Davie813

I love these--it's so cool learning about the decisions everyone's made and so on!

@URMySunshine, so interesting about the courtship idea.  I've been following Jessa's courtship on 19 Kids and Counting (I have such a love/hate relationship with TLC), and it's kind of fascinating.  Besides the obvious stuff like not being together without a chaperone and not being physical, I can't really see how it's different from (monogamous) dating, even though they insist it is.  Do you know what the difference is?

mindaa

@URMySunshine

I Kissed Dating Goodbye, right?!  I wasn't a fan of that book either. Pretty much because of what you said... it's not for everyone. I don't envy you hearing that your first love wished you stayed together... that would be tough to deal with.

I don't really have a good "first love" story to contribute... but have enjoyed the all the others!

KirstenAlecia

@Davie813 & @URMySunshine I know a girl who did the courtship thing (although I don't believe they were supervised) and surprisingly I think it may, and I hope it will, workout for them. My friend who has managed to avoid all tempt ions into her 30s has to be steadfast in her beliefs for that! I think in todays world it would be hard for most though. 

Davie813

mindaa said:

@URMySunshine

I Kissed Dating Goodbye, right?!  I wasn't a fan of that book either. Pretty much because of what you said... it's not for everyone. I don't envy you hearing that your first love wished you stayed together... that would be tough to deal with.

I don't really have a good "first love" story to contribute... but have enjoyed the all the others!

KirstenAlecia said:

@Davie813 & @URMySunshine I know a girl who did the courtship thing (although I don't believe they were supervised) and surprisingly I think it may, and I hope it will, workout for them. My friend who has managed to avoid all tempt ions into her 30s has to be steadfast in her beliefs for that! I think in todays world it would be hard for most though. 

Interesting!  According to the book (and to your friend, @KirstenAlecia), what does the courtship process entail (that's different from regular dating, I mean)?

LaireAndLia

I never truly fell in love until I was 26, just after I stopped seeing Laire the first time around, though I had thought I'd been in love plenty of times before that (I was engaged to a man at 23!), but it was Laire that made me realise that I really, really wasn't attracted to men. She was my best friend's sister, who I'd known for some 8 years, and who was out and proud as a lesbian. I'd always fancied her a little bit, but when I came out, we started hanging out a bit more, and one night we hooked up and ended up together for three years. But she was a fair bit older than me (10 years) and she wanted to settle down and have kids and I felt like I'd just hit 16 again, and I really wasn't ready for all that. So she left me, and utterly broke my heart.

I still see her quite a bit, since we were both bridesmaids at my best friends wedding last year, but she is really awkward with Laire, though Laire doesn't really bother. We still get on really well though. She is in a civil partnership of 4 four years (I think they are actually going to get married next year, since it's legal here now) and have a son.

KirstenAlecia

Davie813 said:

mindaa said:

@URMySunshine

I Kissed Dating Goodbye, right?!  I wasn't a fan of that book either. Pretty much because of what you said... it's not for everyone. I don't envy you hearing that your first love wished you stayed together... that would be tough to deal with.

I don't really have a good "first love" story to contribute... but have enjoyed the all the others!

KirstenAlecia said:

@Davie813 & @URMySunshine I know a girl who did the courtship thing (although I don't believe they were supervised) and surprisingly I think it may, and I hope it will, workout for them. My friend who has managed to avoid all tempt ions into her 30s has to be steadfast in her beliefs for that! I think in todays world it would be hard for most though. 

Interesting!  According to the book (and to your friend, @KirstenAlecia), what does the courtship process entail (that's different from regular dating, I mean)?

Basically my friend never "dated" She would literally meet a guy correspond with him some but NO TIME was spent together in a normal dating routine. Anytime spent together was for the sole purpose of finding a marriage partner and that was decided before courting "dates" ever happened.  She only corresponded with men looking at it the same way. She literally met her fiancé and got engaged within 3 months following this idea of thought. Very different than todays dating. Im not sure of the details but I'm sure not all their outings were chaperoned cause i ran into her at a park where I was doing photos. Her courtship date that day was a walk through a public park. It was cute they walked together but about a foot apart. No real physical contact like holding hands although I think now that she is about to marry she does hold hands and hug him. He is very very sweet to her. I hope it works out the way they intend it! 

zantster

Where did you meet him/her?

I met my first love on Yahoo Chat waaaay back in the late 1990s when that was considered very high tech LOL.  It wasn't a dating site just a chat forum.  I was 19 and I he was 22.  It turned out he was an Architectural student from Athens, Greece who was studying in London, England.  We wrote each other snail mail letters, talked on the phone, sent pictures and he sent me a Swarovski crystal (his father was a Navy captain). Then he flew over to visit me in Michigan first.  Our families were against it for a ton of old school reasons including discomfort with interracial relationships and the stories they'd heard on the news about "THE INTERNET".  Then I went to visit him in London, which is where and when I was "deflowered".  The distance between the UK and US and our ages doomed the relationship.  But it was an AMAZING first relationship experience that forever changed my thinking.

What did you learn from the whole experience?

• Long distance relationships suck (for me). 
• I deserve to be loved for who I am and treated well regardless of the person's background. 
• Good men who want the same thing I do actually existed. 
• Timing is everything.

What kind of relationship do you have with him/her now? 

We don't communicate.  But there are no hard feelings at all.  It was a great introduction to love so absolutely no regrets.  We moved on, grew up and have become our own people with our own lives.